My partner Cami and I are in Trinidad Colorado where many know that I after years of prayers, dreams and hopes had them all fulfilled. On July 31st at about 12 noon I was walked into the OR and the last thing I remembered was Dr. Marci Bowers telling me everything would be fine and my right arm being strapped down. Things went beautiful. My surgery was a little over 3.5 hours long and in recovery the people around me and where I was once again began to focused into reality and all I wanted was   more...to see my Cami. As I was wheeled to my room where she was waiting for me the full reality of what had taken place began to slowly set in. In my room as the fog of anesthesia completely lifted I was so excited and happy beyond my dreams. Surgery was complete, I was conscious and my love was there holding my hand.

I felt so at peace within myself. After so many years of feeling incomplete I finally felt I was whole at last. It is something I really cannot explain it very well with words but my Cami said she could see it in my eyes and expressions. Dr. Bowers during her post surgical visit said things went wonderfully well and I would be really pleased with the results, but I was already pleased and beyond happiness, I was ecstatic. The rest of that day was one filled with moments of emotional crying and extreme giddiness. Several times all I could do in my still somewhat groggy mind was bounce and shake. I really could not believe what I had wanted so long for was at last no longer a dream I experienced so often in both my conscious and sleeping state. I had once again visited that magical kingdom in my mind and once again the queen of my dreams made me her princess but this time when I woke, I still was a princess with the body of a princess, complete and whole.

On the third day my dressing was removed and using a mirror I saw myself for the first time, I cried for almost an hour. Later I was allowed out of bed and walked for the first time. I was able to shower and after as I stood in front of the mirror I saw in my reflection what I had seen many times before but always watched as that vision faded away into reality. This time what I had always seen did not fade away, it was reality. I may have been swollen and bruised but I was beautiful.

During my remaining days in the hospital I took a walks in the morning before breakfast and after every meal both indoors as well as outside. The Tinker Bell patterned Kimono Cami had so beautifully made me was a hit among everyone I met and who greeted me. The mornings were cool but in the afternoon the temperature was around a hundred degrees but with Trinidad’s dry climate, high altitude and my happiness it felt great. Also as Cami has always said, I am solar powered and any time in the heat of the sun I feel marvelous as I recharge my internal batteries.

Six days after surgery I was released and Cami and I walked from the hospital over to Dr. Bowers office located directly across from the hospital. I had about 7 yards of packing removed and I felt great. The happiness and giddiness I felt that first day in my room was still within me and I was expressing it. There is one little issue with part of the scrotal graft not taking hold. Marci came in and we talked about it. In all her many surgeries she had seen this happen only once and we went over several reasons and options. As we are remaining in Trinidad till the 19th I was given my dilations instructions and Dr. Bowers will see me on the 18th while continuing to monitoring this situation. She has informed me that anything medically necessary to correct this issue would be minor and would not affect (sorry) form, fit or function and also not affect our travel home.

My recovery has gone remarkable well and I feel great but I do tire easily. We returned to our motel where we will be till our return home on August 19th. I am taking it easy and having a hard time letting my sweet Cami taking care of my needs. I want to help with  less

Sorry all for being away. Cami and I left Virginia on Oct. 10 to visit my family in Southern CA and my mother in Stockton, CA. We drove out only stopping to sleep over in Amarillo and a couple of hours in a rest area. We arrived in Riverside on the 13th and stayed till the 24th. We were basically surrounded by all the fires but were safe in the camp ground where my sister got us a cabin to stay in. The last couple of days we were covered by what looked like clouds but it was all the smoke. At   more...night you could see the red glow from the hills and mountain tops around us.
The night of the 24th and 25th we spent in Stockton visiting my mother.
The morning of the 26th we headed to Trinidad CO for my consultation with Dr. Marci Bowers. We arrived the morning of the 28th and my appiontment was the 29th. It went great. I just sat and cried in joy when she entered the examining room. After so many long years of living in suffering with "it" and with a body that did not match who I truly am that step has happened to correct it. My reassignment surgery will take place in Nov. 08 as she is booked till then. But she said that a cancellation might happen as they always do and seeing as I have a open schedual...maybe sooner.
This morning we left Trinidad and took the scenic route back to Albuquerque and will be here till the first. We are looking the are over as we want to move here. Sadly the first we will head back to Virginia and home, but we are getting a little wore out and our own bed seems so longing.

Hugs and Love,
Michelle-Marie  less

As a child I remember looking in awe and dreams at wedding dresses. I was an Alter Boy and served in many weddings fantasying I was the Bride. Through life in the shell I created trying to be what others saw and demanded I be, I continued to look in jealously and envy. Its meaning and the event it represented seemed never a remote possibility. Then when finally I found the self acceptance of which I truly am and began living life as that true person, I saw it more as something I hoped someday   more...would become a dream come true. Life has been so fulfilling and wonderful for me now being real. Over two years have past since fully coming out and letting all see the woman I hid in a shell for years. Transition is well under way, GRS is in the works. I have a wonderful Life Partner in my sweet Cameron Alison, our relationship grows stronger each day. June 16th is our 6th month Anniversary. I just feel so on top of the World…..THEN
On a trip to Northern Virginia, to look at RV’s, why I do not know, we stopped at the Virginia Bazaar off the I95 exit in Ladysmith just one exit from the one we wanted. As we exited the truck (Trucks are for Girls) I saw it…. Hanging there, drawing my attention, a Wedding Dress, so beautiful and my dream dress, with all its meaning of love and commitment. I went straight to it, it was my size, I ask the lady about it, it was hers and she was so pleased I saw it as so lovely. I knew I had to have it, Cameron and I are planning a Commitment Ceremony here in Virginia, as they are so bigoted and discriminatory and do not recognize our relationship or even our right to exist, Then later a trip to Massachusetts and a proper Wedding. Not valid here, but it’s the meaning. This stop was meant to happen, coincident I think not. What made us stop, I will never know, but $10 later; I had the dress of my dreams and in perfect condition. We will take it to have cleaned up and pressed.
Things happen for reasons we do not understand. All I know is something I thought never possibly, not only is but soon to be reality. Those fantasies as a young Alter Boy, a boy who knew life played a cruel hoax on him at birth, knew he was a girl even if her parents and the world thought not, now is that Woman, still with dreams but that can, with the love between my Cameron and I and our committed relationship soon will be reality.
Thank you all, who have became friends and followed my life, with its up and downs, put up with my ramblings.

Hugs and Love,
Michelle Marie Hodges

To my sweet wonderful Cami, I love you
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Yesterday, June 3rd, 07, Cameron, myself and six friends traveled to DC and attended the Inaugural Capital Trans Pride 2007. It was the Capital Prides first ever event to celebrate the area's Transgender community. It was held at the Westminster Presbyterian Church on I Street SW. From 1PM to 1AM. We had an afternoon of events covering workshops covering legal, health and spiritual concerns and an informational fair featuring representatives from local organizations serving the Transgender Community.   more...The Trans Community of DC has so much to be proud of this year. Through the dedicated effort of its Community the Trans population in 2006 won for the entire District of Columbia, what are considered the best laws to protect Trans and Genderqueer people in the country? The DC Trans Coalition www.dctranscoalition.org had great and enthusiastic representatives at the event and gave a great workshop explaining their new law. A few highlights were, in DC they now have a form when filled out and submitted to DMV, the gender on your drivers license will now reflect your identity as you live it. The ID change is not part of the law as was pointed out but being done because of it. The other highlight was, now it DC you are protected and can use the restroom of you gender identity. Of course this new law does not exist when on federal property from the kind consideration of our Country's dedicated leaders who we all know are doing all the can to bring peace and equality to all it's people (but with some minor exceptions as directed by the moral "minority"). We all had a great day. We mingled with so many new friends and made many many new ones. TGEA had a table and we talked with them as they remembered Cameron’s and my visit back last October. I collected all the pamphlets and handouts I could, if anyone would be interested write and I can share. Our group from VA, Cami and I from Williamsburg, four from Richmond and one from Portsmouth all left around 6PM, four of us went to Crystal City to an Ethiopian Restaurant and had a great dinner. Still getting used to eating without utensils. But so good.
For me the day was one of inspiration, as I saw new hope in the Inclusion and Equality of the Transgender in America. To see so many out in public and proud of who they are, not hiding again in a closet we all at one time did. Just being with people who were so open and...Well just being there true selves, had me at times emotionally at a point of tears, and at times I was. Cami walked arm in arm as the loving couple we are and the welcome we received was so warm. I want to thank the Capital Pride 2007 Committee for the wonderful Pride event this year and the Special people who made the First Trans Pride event possible.
The slogan for this years Pride event is:
"Together We Can, Together We Will"
Think of these words, I have always felt that hiding and hoping others will bring about change, will never accomplish anything. But when we band together and work for the good of all, things will change. We have to be seen and heard as good and regular people just wanting the same Rights we had before we were deemed not "normal"
Hugs and Love,
Michelle Marie Hodges
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Your life is yours, you own it, and what you make of it is purely up to you.

Others may support you in your aspirations, but, in the end it’s your creation. You have the responsibility.

Once you have accepted this responsibility and stopped waiting around for others to make you happy, you will be unstoppable. There will be no denying you. Your life will change. all because of you.
So turn on the green light and go.

When you find happiness within yourself, you are an authentic person. You know who you   more...are, without reference to the expectations of peers or society.

To live an authentic life, you must free yourself from the superficial values. You must think for yourself, decide what is right for you and get in touch with your own thoughts, needs and desirers. Lastly, you must embrace your own values and live what you believe to be true. Then, and only then, are you authentic. Then, and only then, can you live up to your true potential.
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