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Rattled by Juliet Aucreman
The other day, my husband and I drove to the beach for a walk. We fed the parking meter and then walked out onto the sand. more... But it was high tide, so we couldn’t go more than a few minutes in either direction. We had to turn back. I was disappointed because I’d wanted a long walk. And I resented putting a lot of change into the parking meter.
My husband Corky suggested we make good on our parking investment by exploring the open bluff over the beach. It sounded like a good idea, but I worried about our footwear. I wore sporty sandals, but Corky only wore flip-flops.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said.
Corky is usually safety-conscious – he recently made me upgrade to a safer car - so I thought, “Fine! I’ll stop worrying.” But I let him take the lead.
We followed a little footpath that led us uphill, back and forth, switchback style. Suddenly, Corky lunged to the side and then bolted ten feet up the trail. I heard rattling and dashed back several paces. Something dark was coiled up in the path.
Corky yelled down at me, “That’s the biggest rattlesnake I’ve seen! That thing’s at least six feet long!”
I looked up the hill, trying to see how I could get past the snake. Tall thistles and cactus, as high as my shoulders, guarded both sides of the trail. I scanned the hill, looking for a break in the brambles, but saw nothing. The snake continued rattling – it sounded like someone shaking a piggy-bank. Corky found a five-foot stick, came down the slope, and tried to move the rattlesnake off the trail. It wouldn’t budge.
“Why don’t you come up here and join me?” said Corky, not joking.
“I’m not THAT lonely,” I said.
He kept prodding the snake.
The rattling persisted; the snake stayed put.
Keeping his stick wedged between the snake and himself, Corky came back by leaping through the four-foot thistle thicket.
“Can we go home now?” I said.
“We’ve only just started,” he said. “Let’s walk around some more.”
“But your flip-flops! And the snake!” I said.
“Ah, that’s not going to happen again,” he said.
This from the man who insisted I needed a safer car.
“Don’t worry, it wasn’t that big a deal,” he said. “I wouldn’t have died – I’d have just lost a leg or something.”
“But you’re already missing a hand,” I said. (Corky was born without a left hand.) “If you lose a leg, you’ll just have two limbs left.”
“No, three,” he said, laughing.
We started walking again. Then I saw a snake twisting through the air over the trail. I screamed; Corky laughed. The “snake” was only a old bent pipe. We walked a little further. Something rustled in the bushes. I screamed; Corky laughed. It was a little bird. Now I LONGED for home. After all, I’d just battled three snakes. We passed through a chain-link fence, and my shirt got caught. I screamed; Corky laughed.
Walking back toward the car, we passed a bus stop where a ragged-looking man was sitting.
“How’s it going?” I said.
“Just trying to hold together,” he said.
“Me too,” I said. Corky laughed.
I smiled, and rattled my keys.
Corky screamed.
Revenge is sweet. less
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May 23, 07
By: JulietAucreman
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rattle snakes revenge funny humor prank juliet aucreman robby starbuck
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