Everyone should think sexy!

Taylor talks about the fiasco of trying to dye her dog's hair. Plus putting herself back on the dating market. Viewers will get to vote on the dates.

want my viewing to be doleful. Rivers of tears will trickle down the cheeks of the global population. Sorrow should permeate the air and loud wails will be heard echoing throughout a golden, colossal   more...mausoleum, which is to be built in my honor. Yes, I should very much like to be buried in a place of such grandeur, surrounded by truly heartfelt moans, groans and bleats!

My corporeal form shall be encased in a thick, mahogany coffin. The bedding upon which I shall lie must be satin, scarlet in color, and entirely wrinkle-free. Silk would be the only other acceptable alternative. Velvet would never do nor even the purest Egyptian cotton. Fleece and wool are too thick and far too bulky. I must have only the most delicate and luxurious of fabrics. Silk and satin have that special luster and carry a sense of nobility I seek to convey.




The dark and eerie songs from the musical, Sweeney Todd will be set on "repeat" and play in the background. "Epiphany" will be my funeral's theme song. I expect Johnny Depp to sing it several times throughout the course of the evening. After he has exhausted his voice, he may then oblige himself to plant a kiss of "farewell" upon my cold, naked, and lifeless hand. It must be on my right hand though; my left hand shall be reserved for the lips of family and other lesser creatures-I mean...admirers.

There must be millions of flowers and bouquets laid outside of the mausoleum. I do not want to see any daisies, tulips, poppies nor pansies. Those are all quite commonplace garden flowers-the cousins of weeds! I want orchids, roses, lilies, and lilacs! They should be arranged in a tastefully, elegant fashion too and replaced no less than once every month after I have finally been laid to rest.

Assuredly, someone will hire a professional cosmetologist to fix my make-up. I would like lips flushed with a slight, warm tint of pink and a flawless, pale facial complexion. My eyebrows will need to be meticulously plucked and my cuticles scraped back. I would also like a close shave, a removal of any and all stray or unsightly hairs that might be found on my decaying body. Now that I think about it, perfume would be a nice touch-citrus. It might not mask the repulsive stench in its entirety, but what could it hurt? My blonde hair must be slightly crimped, properly washed, conditioned, and spread out in an orbital fashion around my head, giving me the appearance of an ethereal goddess.

I will wear an elegantly eccentric dress. I imagine it to be a combination of both Victorian and gothic styles. One of my dear friends will be required to enlist the help of Helena Bonham Carter when selecting my eternal gown. She must choose a stunning piece-the likes of which Mrs. Lovett would wear. In terms of jewelry, I wish only to have an ornate cross necklace draped around my neck. Modesty always was one of my strongest virtues. The necklace should match the dress in some way and have genuine rubies encrusted-rubies that look as if they themselves are shedding tears of blood. It is important to leave this world with a countenance of a life evidently well-lived, not squandered. Plus, what better way to leave a testimony of my Christian faith than with such a gaudy; yet, endearing trinket? After all, I would hate to be remembered as superficial or vainglorious.  less

So I had a bad week at work and decided when I got home one night (late) I was going to just kick back and veg. I love to watch random reality shows... and the Girls Next Door was the wrong thing for   more...me to watch when I'm struggling through work days! LOL!

My material was inspired by the Girls Next Door, but this falls in line with Keeping Up With The Kardasians and My Sweet 16. They're all reality shows about people who have the means to be self-indulgent.

All in good fun (and it was fun to do)!  less

Religious factions will go on imposing their will on others unless the decent people connected to them recognize that religion has no place in public policy. They must learn to make their views known   more...without trying to make their views the only alternatives.  less

Okay, so I haven’t been to the ranch over the Christmas break and they are wondering what happened to me. I have Traffic School tomorrow, So I won’t be able to be there. But I miss them so much. My little   more...adopted child Juan! … My mustang Austin! Oh If I were there I would be free!  less

A whole video in resonse to The VanNuys Guys, Mythbusting a virgin....