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by: RelationshipBuilder | Relationship advice
| Latest post Feb 12, 09 by RelationshipBuilder
How to get back with your ex? People often ask this question after they have went through a break up. After a break up people often realize that their ex was the best thing in their life and want to get them back. The following article will provide tips to help you get your love back and make your relationship stronger then before.
Our first tip to get your ex back is to figure out what may have caused the break up. Was there a habit or routine that you or your ex did that bothered the other to the point of breaking? If you can identify it take steps to correct it. If you can't correct it make adjustments enough to be able to look past the habit or routine that broke up your relationship.
Our second tip to get your ex back is to not appear too needy or desperate. If you appear too needy or desperate you will be putting your ex in control of the relationship.
Our third tip to get your ex back is to show confidence. Show your ex that you are doing just fine without them. Show them that you have moved on with your life and that while the break up was hard to start with, you are meeting new people and starting new adventures.
Our fourth tip to help you get your ex back is to let go of the past. Think about any events that may have happened to cause the break up. Did the break up happen because of a misunderstanding on either's part? If so, go back to your ex, talk it out and start the reconciliation process.
Our fifth tip to get your ex back is to get outside help. If you and your ex both are willing to get back together but can't work things out by yourselves then outside help is needed. This outside help can be a trusted neutral friend, a clergy member or a trained relationship therapist.
How to get back with your ex? You have discovered five great tips that will help you and your ex get back together. By following these relationship saving tips will help you will get your ex back and have a stronger and healthier relationship in the process.
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| 1 | 176 | | | | | | | Feb 12, 09
by: RelationshipBuilder | How to celebrate Valintines Day Year
| Latest post Feb 12, 09 by RelationshipBuilder
Ladies, if you expect your boyfriend or husband to whip out the flowers and chocolates after Valentines, don't. Let's face it, men aren't totally clued in to the romance and candlelight thing -especially when they no longer have to pursue you.
Getting all sweetie and love struck in a relationship is a girl thing. While we don't want to be obvious, here are a few things you can do to celebrate valentines at least once a month, year round:
1. Go out for lunch or coffee in the middle of the week. He'll especially appreciate it when he has a pretty rough day.
2. Mail him a card at work. E-mail is too easy. Do it the old-fashioned way.
3. Call him at work just to say you love him. Leave out the bit about picking up the dry cleaning. You can do that on your own.
4. Ignore the granny panties for one night and put on that sexy little number.
5. Better yet, play out his favorite bedtime fantasy.
6. If you do meal planning, make one day his way -no matter how unhealthy it may be. If he wants sloppy joes and fries for Wednesday night, dish it out. Don't forget the candles.
7. If you're a full-time housewife, find ways to save some cash and buy something for him.
8. Send the kids to your parents on Friday night. Paint the town red and sleep in the next day.
9. Decide to do something different on the weekend. Go on a hike, learn to sky dive, or a photo safari of the city.
10. Don't invite your mother, sister, friend for Sunday lunch. Pack a picnic basket just for two.
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| 1 | 123 | | | | | | | Dec 19, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | Planning a Romantic Getaway .... any suggestions?
 | Latest post Dec 19, 08 by IadyQ
I often wonder why people wait till there relationship doesn't feel so good to plan a romantic getaway. I think it is important to let your loved one know that romantic getaways are amazing at anytime, and shows your partner that you love them. Planning is the best, especially if you can keep it secret. I mean, let them know when and that you want to do something (out of respect for their schedules) but don't give away too much. Research where you are going and plan things that are outside your comfort zone (activities, games, or sexual surprises) to spruce things up. I feel "spicing things up" keeps the relationship alive....and creative...but most of all- I feel it will remind your loved one why they fell in love with you in the first place.... |
| 4 | 145 | | | | | | | Dec 19, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | Talking Dirty Continued... Phase three
| Latest post Dec 19, 08 by RelationshipBuilder
Phase Three: Praise Your Partner's Body
If you've made it through the first two phases, or you're just sure your lover is ready for you to start talking dirty, it's time to bring your voice into the bedroom (or wherever you and your partner like to play). But take it slow -- if your partner isn't used to hearing your voice during sex, it might be best to start out with complimenting him or her to get them relaxed and comfortable with this new sexual element. Tell him or her how much you love their various body parts, their eyes, the way your partner looks at you when you make love, and the way he or she smells. Praise all the things about him or her you really do love, and praise those body parts while caressing or kissing them. Remember, though, there's always the chance that this will make your partner self conscious, so stay aware. Pay attention to how your partner is reacting. Is he or she responding and getting excited or are they giggling and seeming uncomfortable? If he or she seems to be responding well, you should definitely keep going, but if you're not sure, it never hurts to ask them. A simple question like, "Do you like what I'm saying to you or do you want me to stop?" whispered into your partner's ear can not only show him or her that you're concerned about making sure they enjoy the experience and are relaxed, but also lets you know if you're on the right track. Chances are your lover will be flattered and aroused by what's coming out of your mouth. |
| 1 | 158 | | | | | | | Dec 19, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | Talking Dirty Continued...
| Latest post Dec 19, 08 by RelationshipBuilder
Phase Four: Let's Get Naughty
Okay, this is the big one, to be tried only when you're sure your partner is ready for it. This is when you start talking dirty. One note, by the way: when you're talking about sexual acts with your partner in bed, you should use the words that will really turn you both on. If more hard-core words for sexual acts get you going, use those. But if softer descriptions are more comfortable, stick to those. There are four ways to go here:
What I'm Going To Do: This is a popular one. In this dirty talk scenario, you tell your lover what you're going to do to his or her body before you do it, for example, "Now I'm going to gently bite your neck." This allows them to anticipate what's coming next, and this technique works even better if you have him or her close their eyes while you do it.
What I Am Doing to You Now: Just another variation of the above, but with this one, instead of giving your lover warning, you simply verbally state what you're doing. You'd be surprised how much more erotic licking your partner is when you're saying what you're doing at the same time.
What I'd Like You to Do: What's the easiest way to get your partner to tell you what he or she wants in bed? Ask them. "Tell me how you like it," or "Tell me what you want me to do to you," will open the door to your partner telling you what he or she wants, and with any luck you'll grow from there to having them tell you without your asking.
How You're Making Me Feel: Sometimes knowing that you're reacting to what's going on in the bedroom can make your lover even more aroused. Start with the simple, "You make me feel so good," or "You feel so good to me," and work up from there.
The most important thing to remember with talking dirty is that it's supposed to be comfortable and exciting for both parties. Pay attention to how your partner is responding to you (you should always be doing that anyway!), and you'll know how far to take it. Forget about silence being golden -- a little talking can be orgasmic!
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| 1 | 156 | | | | | | | Dec 19, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | Talking Dirty Continued...
| Latest post Dec 19, 08 by RelationshipBuilder
Phase Two: The Naughty Call at Work
So you're ready to really tell your lover what you want to do to him or her, but you're scared you'll blush and ruin the whole thing? Why do you think telephones were invented? Yes, we all know that millions of telemarketing companies across the nation think they were invented just to interrupt you at dinnertime, but in reality telephones were designed to be an erotic tool! Imagine your lover sitting at his or her desk, in the middle of the day, counting down the hours until 5:00 pm. Instead, you call, and while you tell your lover what you're planning to do to him or her and where you're planning to touch them when they get home, your sweetie has to sit there pretending to care about his or her computer screen! Some tips for the perfect erotic phone call:
Don't call right before lunch! Hunger pains and sexy talk sometimes don't mix well.
Try describing, step by step, the sex you're fantasizing about having with him or her later.
If you're really naughty, describe to your lover what you're doing to yourself while you talk to him or her on the phone (and we don't mean tell them about how you're cleaning the plaque off your teeth!)
Turn off the TV or radio! Your lover will not find it sexy if Ricki Lake is talking in the background while you're describing what you want to do with your mouth. You should actually make sure any extraneous background sounds are gone, and no matter what you do, don't run the vacuum or cook a meal in the microwave while you're talking dirty on the phone! You want to build up a fantasy, not get your lover thinking that you're running around the house in sweatpants while cleaning the refrigerator.
Don't make promises you're not going to keep! Don't tell your lover on the phone that you want to do something to him or her when you know you'll never actually want to do that! That's not fair, and called teasing!
Finally, you'll talk sexier if you feel sexy. Put on some music or wear something that makes you feel good about yourself. |
| 1 | 52 | | | | | | | Dec 19, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | Talking Dirty Continued...
| Latest post Dec 19, 08 by RelationshipBuilder
How Brave Are You? Four Steps to Being an Accomplished Dirty Talker!
So you're ready to break the silence barrier in bed? Perhaps, however, you' re not sure how your partner will react to it, or you're not sure you're ready to be brave enough to tackle the task! Try phasing yourself in by starting with the lightest step below and working your way up to Phase Four.
Phase One: Read Some Erotica Out Loud
There's nothing safer to start with than using somebody else's words. If you're not ready to tell your partner your fantasies yourself, invest in an erotic book and try reading your lover a story at bedtime. We'd suggest getting a collection of stories like The Erotic Edge or Delta of Venus. Both of these books are proven classics, and if you read through the stories you'll probably find one that describes a fantasy you have! Try reading that one out loud and seeing how your partner responds. If your partner enjoys the erotic reading (before bedtime is always best!), let him or her take the book and pick out the next story he or she'd like to have read to them. You may even want to set the mood with some candles and wine to create a more seductive atmosphere. Eventually, you may even want to work up to writing your own erotica and reading it out loud to each other!
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| 1 | 55 | | | | | | | Dec 19, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | Talking Dirty Continued...
| Latest post Dec 19, 08 by RelationshipBuilder
Talking Dirty to Turn On Your Lover vs. Sharing Intimate Thoughts
Just so we're clear here, "I want you to touch me here because it makes me hot" is talking dirty to turn on your lover. "I love you so much it hurts me every minute I'm away from you" is sharing an intimate thought in bed. Both of these techniques can enhance your lovemaking. The decision on which to use really depends on both your partner and the effect you're going for.
Talking dirty to turn on your lover often results in wilder sex that revolves a little more around fantasy. Sharing intimate thoughts can make your sex more impassioned and emotional. Talking dirty to turn on your partner is a good way to show and tell each other what you've been wanting the other to do in bed, while sharing intimate thoughts can be a great tool for telling each other how much you care, without many of the inhibitions of daily life. Just remember, the power of something said in bed is only as strong as the actions you use to back it up the next morning! Don't tell your lover you can't imagine being away from him or her for a minute if you're planning to rush out the door at first light to go golfing or shopping. While talking and speaking to each other during lovemaking can enhance communication and sex, you shouldn't say anything you wouldn't be willing to repeat with the lights on.
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| 1 | 34 | | | | | | | Dec 19, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | Talking Dirty
| Latest post Dec 19, 08 by RelationshipBuilder
Talk Dirty to Me:
Not Just a Classic Song of the Eighties, but also a Great Sexual Tool!
He or she may say a picture is worth a thousand words, but in the bedroom the sound of a lover's voice can turn us on, bring us closer together, and charge our sex lives with a new element of fantasy and communication. Imagine the power the sound of your lover's voice has over the telephone when you're separated by distance, and then imagine that voice, stripped raw in the passion of the moment, telling you all the naughty, beautiful or emotional things you've always wanted to hear. We get goose bumps just thinking about it!
Sex is about all five senses, but too often we forget about the audible needs of our lovers. While it's natural and easy to touch, taste, smell and see each other during lovemaking, you have to make a conscious effort to really sexually satisfy the sense of hearing. And sex is, as we all know, as much about the mind as it is about the body. Bringing an element of speaking to your partner during lovemaking can arouse his or her mind more quickly and powerfully than anything else, bringing out sides of him or her in bed that you may not have seen before!.
If you've never experimented with turning your lover on with your voice, we recommend trying it. But there are some things you should keep in mind! Try to get a sense for how far your partner will be comfortable with your taking the dirty talk. In particular, while many women love being talked to with a naughty tone in bed, many surveys report that women also tend to be more self-conscious when men praise their bodies or actions during sex. To help you out with this, we've suggested four different levels of dirty talk below, so you can ease into this practice and get comfortable along the way. Also, and most importantly, do not rehearse what you are planning to say to your lover in bed! Nothing is going to be more of an instant turn-off (to most people) than if you sound like a rehearsed porn film! We're not denying that for some couples, role-playing that you are adult film stars is a great turn-on, but for most people, much of the arousal factor in talking dirty is the spontaneity of it. Let your fantasies come out of your mouth naturally. Let go of your inhibitions and trust that the person you're with is going to be just as turned on by your honesty as you are!
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| 1 | 36 | | | | | | | Dec 19, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | Exploring Your Erotic Dreams:
 | Latest post Dec 19, 08 by YoursFaithfully
WOW! ok so like you really have had to sit down and REEEEEEEEEEALLY plan all this out huh? LMAO good one though I like |
| 2 | 35 | | | | | | | Dec 19, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | Ten Great Places to Kiss In Winter
| Latest post Dec 19, 08 by RelationshipBuilder
Ten Great Places to Kiss in Winter
by Veronique
Whether it's Eskimo kisses or something more intimate, winter is full of romantic possibilities. Everyone knows it's time to kiss when they're under the mistletoe or when the ball drops at midnight, but here's some inspiration for those other times when you're not being compelled by some outside force. So get out that lip balm and prepare to pucker!
On A Ski Lift - If you want to make sure you both feel butterflies in your stomach when you kiss, a ski lift is the perfect place. Between the dramatic views and the height-induced endorphins, you're sure to feel a rush of excitement that's above and beyond whatever you normally experience.
In The Kitchen - If the way to your loved one's heart is through their stomach, then the kitchen can be one of the most romantic rooms of the house, especially during the holidays. Just thinking of all the delicious aromas -- roast turkey, fresh-baked cookies, hot apple cider -- is enough to get anyone's lips smacking.
In A Hot Tub - For some steamy fun in winter, no place beats a hot tub. First of all, it's one of the few places you can wear almost nothing once the temperature drops. Combine that with close quarters and nothing much else to do, and you've got a positively effervescent experience.
At A Holiday Party - Sneaking off for a little smooching will help keep you in a festive mood. Prearrange a special signal to let each other know when it's time to go find a quiet corner, or better yet, arrange to meet at a specific time. If it's a boring office party, all the better: a clandestine encounter will help keep you from fleeing after forty-five minutes.
Under The Covers - What better way to stay warm than to snuggle up under the covers for a little one-on-one time. Whether it's a soft down comforter or a toasty electric blanket, just pull the covers over your head to create a private world for two.
Looking At Holiday Lights - When you find a street full of brightly colored lights, the effect can be magical, and, some might say, even romantic. If the lights start to make you feel kind of twinkly yourself, be sure to take advantage of the moment. Pull over, turn off the headlights, and get to work fogging up those windows!
In A Horse-Drawn Sleigh - When you're cuddled up under a blanket in a horse-drawn sleigh, it is your duty -- nay, your obligation -- to keep each other's lips warm. Take a moment to relish the nostalgic, picture-postcard image you've created for passers-by. (If snow or sleighs are in short supply, a horse-drawn carriage will suffice in a pinch.)
In The Snow - Whether it's in a snow fort, behind a snowman, or at the bottom of the hill you just sledded down, make it your mission to see what you can melt. If you're lucky enough to be caught in a flurry, catch some flakes on the tip of your tongue and then share them with the one you love.
In Front Of A Window Display - A lot of the larger department stores like to go all out when decorating their windows for the holidays. Find one you like and put on a display of your own! Extra points if you can somehow end up in the store window.
Under The Tree - When you're done trimming your tree, turn off all the lights in the house and admire your handiwork for a moment. Then close your eyes, grab your partner and exchange a couple of little early Christmas presents. Who knows what else you'll end up unwrapping?
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| 1 | 39 | | | | | | | Nov 29, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | When Should I Call?
| Latest post Nov 29, 08 by RelationshipBuilder
You just went on an awesome first date and you really want to call that special someone. How long should you wait? We have all heard of the “two day” rule, or at least I hope you all have. That is the generally accepted waiting time before calling someone you just went on a date with.
If you stick close to this guideline you will not seem over-anxious but more importantly it won’t seem like you don’t care. We recommend sticking to this guideline and maybe adding your own twist. Mainly because just about everyone knows about this “two day rule” and if you follow it exactly you may come off just like everybody else. And who wants that? Calling after one day isn’t a bad idea if you feel you really hit it off. So if you are feeling crazy give it a try it just might pay off. Waiting three days to call is OK if you want to be “extra cool” and it may give him/her some more anticipation if they are expecting you to follow the “two day rule”. So we encourage you to try this as well. These changes will separate you from the crowd.
When you do call you need to make sure you don’t come off as overbearing or weird by leaving too many messages. If you call and he/she doesn’t answer just leave a short simple message asking him/her to call you back. Then simply wait for the other him/her to call you back, and if they don’t, take the hint and move on. The chance the other person “missed your message” is very slim, but if you are really worried about it you could possibly try a second call.
In conclusion, our advice to you is wait 1-3 days to call your date, anywhere in that time frame should work well. Just trust your instincts. Whatever you do don’t call that same night! And when you do call make sure you only call once.
To end here is a quote from the movie Swingers:
“How about if I wait six weeks to call? I could tell her I found her number while I was cleaning out my wallet, I can’t remember where we met. I’ll ask her what she looks like and then I’ll ask her if we f**ked. How about that? Would that be money? ”
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| 1 | 50 | | | | | | | Nov 29, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | Top 5 Ways To Get Your Ex Back
| 2 | 50 | | | | | | | Nov 29, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | How To Break Up
| Latest post Nov 29, 08 by RelationshipBuilder
You really want out of your relationship but you aren’t quite sure how to do the deed. Here are some tips and tricks on how to end that unwanted relationship smoothly.
Take Some Notes
Figure out why you want to break up. There are probably plenty of reasons, get out a pen and write them down. Now that you have all your reasons go through them and take out anything that might truly offend your partner in the heat of the moment. Telling your boyfriend he has bad breath on top of your other reasons isn’t going to help the situation. Now that you have your list of reasons prepared, take some time to memorize it so you are ready when the time comes.
Do It In Person
Never breakup with someone over the phone, through text-message, or over email. It is disrespectful and cowardly. You want to make sure you are some place private, nobody wants to go through something like this in public or in front of friends. You would prefer to have “the talk” at their apartment or home. You want to be able to leave if things get out of hand, and you won’t have that option at your place.
Set Aside Some Time
Make sure you set aside at least 45 minutes for your break up. If you have only been dating for a few months less time may be appropriate. You don’t want to try and break off a five year relationship in five minutes. Be courteous and set aside ample time to discuss your reasons for breaking up and to answer any questions he or she might have.
Your Mistakes
Your soon to be ex will be feeling very discouraged after hearing all your reasons for breaking up. Do not forget to include your mistakes and shortcomings in the relationship. There certainly are things you could have done better. You don’t want him or her to feel like everything was their fault. Be honest with yourself and admit to your mistakes.
Be Prepared
Be prepared for an emotional reaction. You should be ready to deal with anger, crying, begging, insults, or any combination of those emotions. It can be a difficult and traumatic experience for the person you are breaking up with, you should expect them to act accordingly. Stay calm and firm about your reasons and let them know it is really over. Be compassionate and understanding, but do not give in to any begging or crying. Do not retaliate or get into a screaming match if he or she becomes upset. Stay calm and rational at all costs.
Follow Through
After the break up is complete, follow through. Don’t call your ex the next day or invite them over to hang out. Leave them alone and give them some time to heal. Don’t decide the next day you want to get back together with your ex. You are disrespecting your ex as well as the relationship by changing your mind so quickly. If you had valid reasons for breaking up, they would not have disappeared overnight. The lesson here is don’t break up unless you really mean it. Pulling someone in and out of a relationship is cruel and unnecessary.
Veronique MD |
| 1 | 44 | | | | | | | Nov 29, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | First Date Tips
| Latest post Nov 29, 08 by RelationshipBuilder
First Date Tips
You are going on that first date and aren’t sure how to act. I’ve got you covered. Read through these tips and you will be sure to score points with your date.
Don’t
Talk on the phone.
Don’t talk on the phone or text message while you are out on your first date. It is disrespectful and it looks like you have better things to do and more important people to talk to. This is not the message you want to be sending to your date. Turn your cellphone on vibrate and only take a call if it is an emergency.
Bring up ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends.
Dragging your date through your ex-files is not a great idea. You want to keep the conversation focused on what you two have in common and getting to know each other. It is OK to give your date the basic information on your ex if he or she asks, but don’t go into the details.
Come on too strong.
You are there to have a good time and get to know your date. Don’t make a fool of yourself by coming on too strong. Nobody wants to feel pressure to hook up on a first date, they would rather get to know you first.
Get drunk.
If you are going to drink on your first date make sure it is in moderation.
Talk too much about yourself.
It is important to communicate well on your first date, but you don’t want to dominate the conversation. You will usually come off as self-interested and annoying if you are talking too much. If you feel like you are starting to dominate the conversation, stop for a second and ask your date some questions, listen to the answers, and then ask more questions.
Do
Brush your teeth.
Always brush your teeth and use some mouthwash before you go out on that first date. Bad breath is a major turn-off and your date might be offended. It is definitely not the first impression you want to leave with your date.
Dress appropriately.
When you find out where you are going on your first date make sure you scope out the dress code. You want to make sure you aren’t under-dressed or over-dressed.
Give compliments.
Make sure you compliment your date at least once. Everyone loves a compliment and it is a great way to start off your date. A simple “You look great in that dress” at the start of the night can go a long way.
Make eye contact.
You want to look into your date’s eyes when he or she is talking to you. If your eyes are wandering around the room during a conversation you will appear disinterested. Act interested and make eye contact frequently while your date is talking.
Be yourself.
Oftentimes people act differently when they go out on a first date. They want to make sure they are “cool enough”, so they act out of character in an attempt to conform to a standard they assume their date is comparing them to. This is one of the worst mistakes you can make. Eventually the true you is going to come out anyway, so don’t bother pretending. Be yourself and you will quickly discover if you are compatible with your date.
Veronique MD |
| 1 | 37 | | | | | | | Nov 29, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | Fun Date Ideas
| Latest post Nov 29, 08 by RelationshipBuilder
Are you looking for somewhere exciting to go on your next date? Getting sick and tired of the boring dinner and a movie routine? Here are some fun date ideas for you to try out.
Dance Lessons
Schedule a dance class and get ready to get down with your date. Pick a dance that is suited to your fitness level. You might not want to start out learning to tango if you are having trouble making it up the stairs. Make sure you leave a few minutes before class to stretch and warm up, you don’t want to pull any muscles. Be supportive of your partner during the dance, don’t teach or criticize, just have fun.
Batting Cage
The batting cage will have you and your date swinging for the fences. Even if you two aren’t big baseball fans, the batting cage will be a ton of fun. The speed of the pitching machine is adjustable, so you don’t have to be frustrated trying to hit that 90mph fast ball. You also get to choose between softballs or baseballs, be sure to use the bigger softballs to ensure you don’t strikeout.
The Zoo
Find the nearest zoo and head out for an afternoon of animal admiring. The zoo is a great place for conversation, you two can chat it up while you are checking out the lions, tigers, and bears. You will be walking quite a bit so make sure you wear comfortable shoes. You can leave the high heels at home.
Pitch and Putt Golf
Throw on a collared shirt and some khakis and head over to your local Pitch and Putt golf course. Pitch and Putt is a shorter version of golf where you only use a few irons and a putter. The real deal country club course can be tiring and expensive, unless you and your date are avid golfers. Enjoy laughing with your date while you two hit ball after ball into the woods. Keeping score is optional.
Rock Climbing
Look for a local indoor rock climbing wall. Climbing is a great way to burn calories and have an exciting adventure with your date. You will also have to learn to trust one another. Most climbing gyms will hold you responsible for belaying your partner down the rock wall. Don’t forget to wear some comfortable, loose fitting clothing you don’t mind sweating in.
Go Karts
Strap on your driving gloves and head to the track with your date. You two can enjoy bumping and riding each other around the turns. Racing each other around the track at high speeds will be sure to get your adrenaline pumping. Try to go to the track during an off time so you don’t have to deal with a pack of teenagers trying to run you off the course.
This article was written by Veronique, a love expert and FreeloveMD .
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| 1 | 41 | | | | | | | Nov 29, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | Got what it takes?
| Latest post Dec 19, 08 by YoursFaithfully
There is no pain greater than being rejected by someone we believed was The One. A million and one reminders of the person who hurt you haunt you day in and day out. Just looking at the spot on the couch where your ex once sat can reduce you to tears in an instant. You alternate between hoping your ex will come back to you and mentally convincing yourself that you'll never, ever find somebody who was as wonderful as the person who’s just left you.
You also alternate between wanting to get over your ex and move on with your life, and wanting to really stick it to them and get even. There are some pros and cons to both approaches, and some healthy ways to go about undertaking both courses of action.
Of course, you can't really get even with your ex until you get over your ex, so let's start there.
Getting Over It
"I'll never get over my ex!" That's what we all say, but you will -- I promise. Just give yourself the time and space you need to heal the hurt. Taking one (or all) of the suggestions below will help you do just that.
Write Your Ex a Letter. Don't Mail It.
Remember when your ex was breaking up with you and all you could do was stutter? You couldn't find the words to say everything you wanted your ex to know? You wanted to yell at them and tell them how much you hated them for breaking up with you. You wanted to point out all their faults. Most of all, you wanted to tell them how much they hurt you.
It’s not too late to expunge all these thoughts and feelings. Put them all down on paper -- writing a letter to your ex will help you get all the things you wanted to say out of your system, transferring destructive and depressing thoughts from your mind to paper. Then, just throw the letter away. Burn it. Whatever you do, don’t send it. There's no need to re-open your partially healed wound.
Shop Till You Drop
Don't kid yourself -- retail therapy works! Buy yourself something nice to remind yourself you're a person who deserves good things. Or set up a reward system: for each week you get through without begging your ex to come back to you, buy yourself something you’ve been longing for, a new CD, a book, some clothes, whatever makes you happy.
The Big List
Face it, no matter how perfect you thought your ex was, he or she probably had a lot of faults. Write them down. Make a list of everything that was wrong with your ex and post it somewhere you can't miss it, like on the refrigerator. Use a highlighter to point out the facets of your ex that made you the angriest, like his penchant for sleeping around, or her incessant nagging. The more you remind yourself this person wasn't your perfect match, the sooner you'll be ready to find somebody who is.
Clean and Reorganize
Post-breakup is a great time to clean your home from top to bottom. First, it gives you a chance to get rid of all those nasty little reminders of your ex in one big sweep. Secondly, it will give you the feeling that you're starting clean as well. And finally, you can rearrange the furniture so all the memories associated with your ex, such as him sitting on the same chair in the same position, will start to go away. Go out and buy some new bed linens and curtains, if that will help. Start with the apartment, then clean and reorganize the rest of your life!
Alanis is Your Friend
By far and away, most people agree that the greatest break-up song of all time is Alanis Morissette's You Oughta Know. Buy the CD and play it, loudly, until you feel better. Scream along with it if you want -- your neighbors will understand.
The Dart Board and the Bonfire: Not Just Urban Myths
It sounds ridiculous, I know, but throwing darts at your ex's picture or burning all their things will help you feel better. Almost every single woman and man I talked to for this article did one of these things at one time or another. It's a way of venting your anger without having to yell and scream at the people themselves. Just make sure you keep it in perspective -- don’t set the house on fire!
The Only Rule to Follow: No Sex With the Ex!
Look, I know it will be tempting, and the longer your relationship before you broke up, the more likely there will be a night where the two of you consider hitting the sack together again, just for old times sake. However, when this happens, keep one thing in mind: YOU BROKE UP. You will never get over your ex if the two of you have sex after the break up. While it might be nice to fantasize that once your ex gets naked with you again, he or she will realize the two of you were meant to be, it's much more likely that the next morning will be awkward and things between you will end up being worse instead of better. So when you see your ex out in a social setting and you're contemplating asking them for one more roll in the hay, just for the heck of it, repeat to yourself: NO SEX WITH THE EX.
The Leap: Accept It’s Really Over
This is, by far, the hardest step in getting over your ex, but it's also the most important. You have to find a way to accept that it's over, to not daydream at work about the phone call you just know is coming where your ex tells you how wrong they were and how they never want to be away from you again. This step usually involves a lot of crying, but that's natural. You've suffered a huge loss, and you need to work through it. Talking to friends, staying active and starting to go out on dates with other people will help you with this. The important part, though, is believing it. You have to know it's over and your ex isn't coming back to you. It will be painful, but you have to work through this part. Holding on to the belief that your relationship isn't over means you'll never get on with the rest of your life.
Getting Even With Your Ex
Most people want to do this immediately after a break up. And why not? Revenge is the best medicine for what ails you, right? Many people confess to using any combination of sex, rumors and lies to get |
| 2 | 47 | | | | | | | Nov 29, 08
by: RelationshipBuilder | Latest Talk
| Latest post Nov 29, 08 by RelationshipBuilder
7 Tips for a Successful Long Distance Relationship (Part One)
Relationships are hard, throw in a 300 mile separation and you have got yourself one tough situation. But as many people who have had a successful long distance relationship will tell you: some of the best things in life are not the easiest. There is no reason to be scared of a long distance relationship as long as you follow my seven tips below. You too can be a long distance dating success story!
Stay Connected
First and foremost it is important to stay connected to your partner. In the digital age we live in there are many ways to do this. Between phone, email, instant messaging or texting you will never be far away from you loved one. Use one or a combination of them all; just make sure you stay in touch with your partner throughout your day. Even if it is a quick phone call to say hi or a text to give an update on your day make sure you do not forget that there is someone else out there who is interested in what you are doing. There is no detail too mundane to share with your partner. By letting one another know the little things that go on during your day you can feel a closer level of involvement in one another’s lives. Also it is important to establish a “connection time” - a time you talk every, or at least every other, day. Chances are you are busy with your lives and staying connected is not always the easiest thing to do. If you establish a time (be it when you both are getting ready for work, driving home from work or are about to go to bed) when you can talk without any distractions you will continue to feel and stay connected.
Communication Is Key
Now you might be saying to yourself “didn’t we just talk about communication?”, but connecting and communicating are two different things. Connecting is superficial while communicating is a deeper level. Communicating is telling your partner how you feel and what you think. A huge draw back to a long distance relationship is that you can only use one or your five senses and that is sound. Your partner does not have the ability to use any other senses to figure out how you are feeling - he cannot see that you are frowning when discussing him having to cut the conversation short and she cannot see that you are fidgety because you are stressed about the amount of work you have to do. No one is a mind reader (ok, well maybe some people are but I doubt your sweetheart is) and you need to say how feel and what you need or expect to be disappointed. It might be difficult to not hold back at first but once you get the hang of it miscommunication is much less likely to happen.
Don’t Expect Too Much
I am not saying to have low expectations but have realistic ones. Life happens; people will disappoint you but do not set your relationship up for failure by expecting too much from another imperfect human being. Learn how to move on. This brings us back to communication but tell your partner what upset you, find a solution and let go. Everyone will be much happier in the end!
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