 | |  | Jun 13, 09
by: gunsmith6 | The Shoe Box
| 2 | 29 | | | | | | | Jun 13, 09
by: gunsmith6 | Ear Hair
| Latest post Jun 13, 09 by gunsmith6
My neighbor found
out her dog could
hardly hear so she
took it to the
vet. He found that
the problem was
hair in its ears.
He cleaned both
ears and the dog
could hear fine.
The vet then
proceeded to tell
the lady that if
she wanted to keep
this from
recurring s he
should go to the
store and get some
'Nair' hair
remover and rub it
in the dog's ears
once a month.
The lady went to
the drug store and
got some 'Nair'
hair remover. At
the register the
druggist told her,
'If you' re going
to use this under
your arms don't
use deodorant for
a few days.'
The lady said,
'I'm not using it
under my arms.'
The druggist said.
'If you're using
it on your legs
don't shave for a
couple of days.'
The lady said,
'I'm not using it
on my legs either.
If you must know,
I'm using it on my
schnauzer.'
The druggist said,
'Stay off your
bicycle for a
week.'
|
| 1 | 23 | | | | | | | May 23, 09
by: gunsmith6 | DO MEN REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?
 | Latest post Jun 7, 09 by cancer1dayatatime
I am still laughing LOL...funny thing is men do remember the strangest things.
I think men are from Mars!!! But I still love emmmmmmmmmmm!!! |
| 2 | 39 | | | | | | | May 6, 09
by: gunsmith6 | OBSESSED !
| Latest post May 6, 09 by gunsmith6
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. 'You all have obsessions,' he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy.'
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is alcohol.
This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up,
took her little boy by the hand and whispered,
'Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about.
Let's go pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.'
|
| 1 | 39 | | | | | | | Apr 16, 09
by: gunsmith6 | ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????
| Latest post Apr 16, 09 by gunsmith6
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dog's
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
|
| 1 | 37 | | | | | | | Apr 2, 09
by: gunsmith6 | Dad
| Latest post Apr 2, 09 by gunsmith6
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes, (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.
When the teenager had enough...he sarcasticlly asked,"What's the matter dude? Never done anything wild in your life?" Knowing my Dad, I got ready for it. And In his classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. "Ya got drunk once and made love to a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son?" |
| 1 | 19 | | | | | | | Mar 15, 09
by: gunsmith6 | The Sharing of Marriage
| Latest post Mar 15, 09 by gunsmith6
The old man placed
an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing
one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two
piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup
down between them .
As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the
people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can
afford is one meal for the two of them.
'
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and
politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.
The old man
said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a
bite.
She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking
turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another
meal for them.
This time the o ld woman said 'No, thank you, we are used
to sharing everything.
'
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the
napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet
to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'
She answered
(Continue below - This is great)
'THE TEETH.
'
|
| 1 | 33 | | | | | |  | Mar 15, 09
by: MattKunt | WIND
| Latest post Mar 15, 09 by MattKunt
A man goes to a doctor & asks if he has anything for wind?????
The doctor gave him a kite! |
| 1 | 31 | | | | | | | Feb 22, 09
by: gunsmith6 | Twenty Dollars
| Latest post Feb 22, 09 by gunsmith6
Ole was walking home late at night, through the park and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty dollars," she whispers. He'd never been with a hooker before, but decides, what
the hell, it's only twenty bucks. So they hide in the bushes. They're going "at it" for a
minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them-- it's a police officer.
"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making luff to my vife," Ole answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry." says the cop. "I didn't know."
"Vell," says Ole, "I din't neder, 'til you shined that damn light in her face."
|
| 1 | 25 | | | | | | | Feb 19, 09
by: gunsmith6 | The Big Bad Wolf
| Latest post Feb 19, 09 by gunsmith6
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping thru the forest road when she sees the big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
'My, what big eyes you have .'
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. And this time he is crouched behind a bush.
'My what big ears you have.'
Again ...
the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About 1/4 mile down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.
'My what big teeth you have.'
With that the wolf jumps up and screams,
'Will you knock it off kid...
I'm trying to Poop |
| 1 | 38 | | | | | | | Jan 12, 09
by: gunsmith6 | Inner Peace
| Latest post Jan 12, 09 by gunsmith6
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before the morning was over I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, some JackDaniels, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos,and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.
Pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace. |
| 1 | 38 | | | | | | | Jan 9, 09
by: gunsmith6 | BEST PICK UP LINE I EVER HEARD
| Latest post Jan 9, 09 by gunsmith6
>
>
> A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive
> woman.
>
> He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a
> moment.
>
> The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'
>
> 'No', he replies, 'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and
I was
> just testing it.'
>
> The intrigued woman says, 'A state-of-the-art watch? What's so
special
> about it?'
>
> The cowboy explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me
telepathically.'
>
> The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?
>
> 'Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'
>
> The woman giggles and replies 'Well it must be broken because I am
> wearing panties!'
>
> The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, 'Damn thing's an hour
fast.
|
| 1 | 31 | | | | | | | Jan 9, 09
by: gunsmith6 | Bottle of Merlot
| Latest post Jan 9, 09 by gunsmith6
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive
woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the
gentleman who is seated over there.'.and indicated the sender with a nod of
his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at
the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was
lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to
the gentleman.
The note read:
'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a
million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants '
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return.
He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it
to the lady.
It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a
Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several
garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen , Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in
Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and
portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut
off three inches. Just send the bottle back.
|
| 1 | 38 | | | | | | | Jan 4, 09
by: gunsmith6 | Pillow Talk
| Latest post Jan 4, 09 by gunsmith6
Husband and wife are lying quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question.
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure. It 's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably. It is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No. I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?"
HUSBAND: "Yes. Those are always good times."
WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No. She's left-handed."
WIFE: - silence -
HUSBAND: " . . . shit |
| 1 | 34 | | | | | | | Dec 16, 08
by: gunsmith6 | Father /Son, talk
| 1 | 61 | | | | | |  | Nov 28, 08
by: lara76 | Wake me up
| Latest post Nov 28, 08 by lara76
A husband and wife had a big fight and as a result none was speaking to the other. The following morning the husband had an extremely important meeting. Not wanting to be the first one to break the silence, he wrote a message on a notepad and placed it on his wife's side of the bed. The message read "hey you woman, I have an extremely important meeting tomorrow morning. Therefore, wake me up a 5:00 a.m." The following morning he woke up. When he looked at the time it was 10:00 a.m. He was very upset. As he picked the phone up to call his wife and gives her a piece of his mind, he saw the notepad with a message on his side of the bed. The message read: "hey you man, it is now 5:00 a.m. It is time to wake." |
| 1 | 50 | | | | | | | Nov 25, 08
by: gunsmith6 | Cabbie's
| Latest post Nov 25, 08 by gunsmith6
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'
She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'
The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'
The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party. |
| 1 | 48 | | | | | | | Nov 24, 08
by: gunsmith6 | Dear Santa:
| Latest post Nov 24, 08 by gunsmith6
A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl on
her new shiny bike stopped beside him. Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa
bring it to you?'
'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety
violation.
The cop said, 'Next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of
it!'
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Nice horse you've got there
Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'
Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered, 'Yes, he sure did!'
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Next year tell Santa; The
dick goes underneath the horse, not on Top |
| 1 | 45 | | | | | | | Oct 22, 08
by: gunsmith6 | Dentist's!
| Latest post Oct 22, 08 by gunsmith6
Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was
nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his
gloves.
'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.
'No, I don't,' she replied.
'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank
of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in
their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them
into boxes of the right size.'
She didn't crack a smile.
'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.
But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure,
she burst out laughing.
'What's so funny?' he asked
'I was just envisioning how condoms are made !'
Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working
|
| 1 | 54 | | | | | |  | Oct 21, 08
by: gallaxey | Want to add a video.......WHERE ARE YOU MISS YOU
| 0 | 56 | | | |
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