Dear Corona,

  Its me Viauna. I know we never got along in the past, I never wanted anything to do with you. Sorry about that. It has now been 2 years since I got to know you. I began to like you and couldnt find anyone else like you. 
You tried to let me deal with my own issues when it came to me being mad but then you lent a hand and you were my shoulder to cry on when I was sad, lonely, and pissed. You were my only friend. Now you got me all crazy for you, I tried to take a break from you but I couldnt stand being away from you. Now you are back here with me in my hand and in my head. 

What did you do to me, im feining over you. You and I had some crazy nights, and nights we had just sat and chilled together relaxing.  We spend alot of time together and my bf is getting jealous, he just dont understand. I dont think I even understand. I think you are now becomming my addiction, but I am aware of it, and it aint to the point to where I can't handle it when you are around, because I can. It's not to the point yet to where when you are here with me, that I got to have more till I pass out, I k now when I got enough of you for the night. 
So, what are we going to do. You just made me do this random blog, so fucking what. Thats what you do to me, you got your own way of showing me what you are about. IDK. This shit makes no sense but fuck it. This is wack, im out.

Im on first day of my lady's day. I hate the first day, its the worse. Umm, gross. Well, im just sitting here waiting for something interesting to happen and waiting for my day to end. 

Waiting for a day of endless fun to come, just sitting and waiting..For something. I dont know what yet, but im just sitting here drinking my beer and not doing a damn thing  but blogging and doing my usual nothings. Life is a peice of shit, things come at me all at once that I just can't keep up with. BLAH! . 

I dont know what to think or say, im just saying a bunch of randomness. Things seem so worthless to me, fuck it. I need to continue on with my beer.

And im continuing with it now...

Hey guys, I havent made a regular blog for a while now. Im doing pretty good though. Not much exciting news though as always. I ended up not going to texas because of last minute fears. Whatever though!

Im doing pretty good though! I was just browsing recent blogs that many LV members posted. I never go through them so I decided to see what is going on with people these days. 
Seems there are more blogs than vlogs now. Why??? I love to watch vlogs! It shows me who
im really talking to and shows me their personalities!
I dont like that. LV is really getting boring now. But....

Other than that... How are all of you guys doing? My sister (ladybug143) has been here
visiting me for a week now. Shes been keeping me company while my bf
has been sick and my other sister has been gone in Texas. So, that was nice. 
As for my last blog about the whole sadness going on, i'm doing much better now.
This person that made me feel so down hasen't changed much, so since it made me stronger, I actually
have been appreciating my bf much more, and making me feel more happy with him, 
appreciating that I got him, and making me feel lucky to have him. He realy is almost one of a kind.
Just saying.

As for other things going on. Last night, friday, was almost a complete waste. 
Didnt do shit, me n my sis (ladybug143 aka Velia) were bored out of our minds. So I became almost despereate to do something, so I went to the closet and brought out the board games.
So we played dominoes then monopoly. And for the record...I kicked her ass on the game. lol.
We didnt go to bed till about 3:30 AM. At least I didnt, she ended up going on the computer right after.

Tonite, my sister aint here, she went back home. Im here with my bf only. So we are spending time together. And now we are playing monopoly. He is a challenge. lol. We are about on the same level. So ttyl friends!

You dont remember me,
but I remember you,
t'was not so long ago,
you broke my heart in two

Tears on my pillow,
pain in my heart, 
caused by you

If we could start out new,
I wouldn't hesitate,
I'd gladly take you back, 
and tempt the hands of fate

Tears on my pillow,
pain in my heart,
caused by you

Love is not a gadget,
love is not a toy,
when you find the one you love
 to fill your heart with joy

If we could start out new,
I wouldnt hesitate,
I'd gladly take you back,
and tempt the hands of fate

Tears on my pillow,
pain in my heart,
caused by you

So some of you might know that I and my family at the moment are really struggling to have ends meet with all the financial struggles and work and food etc. 

I went out on monday to search for a job and I got an early start on it. I woke up at 7:30 am and didnt get home till my gas was empty which was around 4:00 pm. I filled my tank up and used that gas to search for a job with my friend Jennifer that day. We didnt take a break till we got home when the tank was empty. I dont think wasting $60 worth of gas was worth it, most of the places werent hiring but were taking apps. Half said they were only accepting apps online, some were hiring but didnt have apps available, and a couple were being complete asses to me by acting prejudice or something like that.

I get real home sick and uncomfortable when it comes to working, I believe I might have some kind of fear of working and didnt realize it till I talked about it with someone on here who has the same issue. It is either one little fear or something I hate doing because im not doing something I like. I really wish I was not so afraid.

I have a dream of being independant, but with our situation it seems almost impossible. I want to go to school but no money for gas, books, anything. It is so frustrating and so heartbreaking.

I feel the worst when I think about what my boyfriend has to do and go through to take care of me and my son let alone my other family who we usually feel obligated to help out. Im too nice of a person to my family. I always want to just yell at my father and tell him to leave me alone till he grows up and takes care of himself, as well as my sister and brother. I feel like im letting them step all over me and I dont do anything about it which is a huge frustration and a humongous strain on me and my boyfriend.

My boyfriend seems like he wants to kill himself or run away with all this crap my family is putting on us. I want to kick my sister out if her ass dont do anything about helping us out. She is so damn stubborn and I know if I were to tell her that, then she will just act like it is nothing, like it dont bother her. And it pisses me off she will act like that because then she wont realize how hard it is till she has to go through it herself. IDK. Im getting a huge headache thinking about it all and what to do.

I know im not going to get a call from those jobs because of how old I am and not having much experience in working. Most employers I belive and am sure of, want someone my age to know what we are doing and to have more experience, so they get picky and choose the best one, which im not. 

My sister isnt doing a damn thing to help us or help herself get on her own feet. My boyfriend had told me before that he didnt want me to work because it takes time out of us spending time together, but now it is a different story. I HAVE  to look for work and that means for me, stepping out of my shell and my comfort zone. To me working is like being thrown out for the sharks to eat wihle im trying to survive and swim my way back to shore. Dont know if that made sense. But that is a fear for me and how I feel about working. IE. I am afraid because I will be stepping into an environment that is a bit intimidating to me, into a place I dont know what to do or how to do it and afraid of being fired right away for not doing something right or the way they do it. I know I got to take charge and just get my fear over with. But I tried it before and I didnt succeed. I quit all 4 jobs within a couple weeks from getting so homesick.

Im hoping you guy understand me and all that im babbling about. I wish I can be different and more independant but I guess independance aint for everyone. Im just so afraid and I cant tell my boyfriend that because I know he wont understand and just judge me and possably start yelling at me. Now I got to let you guys go because I can seriously write a 4 page essay talking about this.

  So, you guys know how I said that I had a huge phone bill to pay? The due date is actually next week and it is due on the 19th. I confused myself by thinking that i didnt have to pay for it till next week. But that is only because I didnt know the 19th was on a thursday. Damn, it came too fast. 

  I actually got to pay it this weekend ie. tonight. We wont be able to get any groceries this week and I wont be doing alot of cooking. We will have to improvise and not eat seconds or eat late or drink a whole lot. I wont be doing alot of cooking so that we can stretch out what we got in the house right now. 

  My sister wasnt supposed to be here this week because of that situation but she came back at the wrong time. She came back last night while we got half of what we had bought last week. So now we really got to stretch what we got. Im gona have to talk to my sister about all this and tell her to try and control her cravings and her appetite. She has a habbit of eating late and eating alot, and so does my boyfriend, they both got the habbit to eating seconds and sometimes thirds, as well as huge ass portions of them all. So, im gona have to get on both their asses about that.

  As for me, I can go without doing all of that. I just hope my dad dont come over here starting to eat and drink a shit load like always. I plan on looking into buying one of those Brita water filters so we can slow down on buying so much damn water bottles. I plan on looking into it and just refilling our bottles that we got, so that it can save us money, from filling the trash in a day, and to help the environment a bit. Hopefully, it will help us save a lil money if we do that. Damn, all this shit is really takinga toll on all of us and especially on my boyfriend. Im looking into so many things right now to help us all out i saving more money and not spending so much. Im trying to set our lives in a good direction health wise and especially financially. Im gona be looking for alternatives. 

  I am gona look into buying lower priced groceries with great or close to great qualities by looking in the papers that we get in the mail and  looking at the deals and specials as well as going throug those painfull processes of using coupons, finding a better lower prices insurance since my boyfriends insurance through his job takes out $400 out of every check he gets and barely only covers him and my son while I got to sacrifice myself for not having insurance; I already changed our phone service from ATT to Vonage so it can save us about $100 dollars on our phone bill, and I just got to do some mroe research on what else we can save on. But it dont help much when my sister aint doing shit to get a job and help us or even herself, but that is another blog..