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| | romanc mathematics | | | | Wednesday, June 4, 2008 (6:00 PM) | | Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION T! ECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT.
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| | What Do You Do All Day ?!!!!!!! | | | | Monday, May 26, 2008 (1:45 PM) | |
A man came home from work and found his three small children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'
She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?'
'Yes,' was his incredulous reply.
She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'
Send this page to another woman.
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| | The Corporate language!! | | | | Monday, May 26, 2008 (1:37 PM) | | "We will do it"
means
" You will do it"
"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"
"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"
"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".
"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
"There was a slight miscommunication"
means
"We had actually lied"
"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"
"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"
"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."
"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"
"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"
"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."
"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"
"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"
"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~ | | | | 147 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | Youngest son | | | | Friday, May 16, 2008 (4:28 AM) | | Youngest son: "Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between
'Potentially' and 'Reality'?"
Dad: "I will show you"
Dad turns to his wife and asks her: "Would you sleep with Robert
> Redford for 1 million dollars?"
Wife: "Yes of course, I would never waste such an opportunity! "
Then Dad asks his daughter if she would sleep with Brad Pitt
for 1 million dollars.
Daughter: "Wow! Oh my God!!! This is my fantasy!"
So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: "Would you sleep with
Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars?"
Elder Son: "Huh, Yeah , why not?. Imagine what I could do with 1
million dollars! I would never hesitate!"
So the father turns back to his youngest son saying: "You see son,
'Potentially' we are sitting on 3 million dollars; but 'In reality'
we
are living with 2 sluts and a poofter!!" | | | | 168 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | Good Morning… | | | | Friday, May 16, 2008 (4:26 AM) | | Some people in life are a part of U…and even when u let them go,
U never lose them, cos u find the memories of time spent together still living in "U"
Have a Great Day…… | | | | 156 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | She is a woman | | | | Monday, May 5, 2008 (5:11 PM) | | If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
She is a womanIf you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk
In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So damning, yet so wonderful
So confusing, yet so desirable... ... | | | | 136 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | letter written | | | Sunday, May 4, 2008 (4:36 AM)
(I'm feeling lonely) | | Here is a letter written by a HR executive to his love:
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
Romeo
by a HR executive to his love:
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
Romeo | | | | 138 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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