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| | Parenting An Adult | | | Saturday, August 30, 2008 (9:58 AM)
(I'm feeling thoughtful) | | Recently, my role as a parent has been changing. Not only with my son going to live with his dad, but also with my adult daughter who lives on her own, and has a child of her own. Even though she's out and making a go of life on her own, I have felt the need to be the source of comfort and compassion, and guidance, through it all, continually trying to make life better for her. The stresses that came with that were so very unbearable, and I really didn't know why it would be that way.
I always want to be comfort to my children, but what I didn't realize is that I was trying to make it all better, when it certainly is not in my power to do so. It's not like a skinned knee, that can just be patched up and hugged better. The wounds are different now, and they go deeper than just a few layers of skin. I guess that's why it hurt me so badly to not be able to make things better for her.
Seeing people that I love suffer and be distraught is not easy for me. Not one bit. So my desperation to make things better took my senses over, and I had been trying so hard to make changes that I could not make. Changes that only God and my daughter can make.
I offer advice to a lot of people, and I try to be compassionate when I do so. I use my faith as a standard, and it is no secret to my daughter how I feel about things. The strength that I have gained through loving God is priceless to me, and what I think hurts my heart so much is, no matter how many words I say or type to the matter, it can't make anyone truly understand how amazing it has been for me, and that it's available for everyone to have.
My daughter is facing some great challenges in life at the moment. And my deep desire to help and console, and to make things better has turned into a situation that puts me between a rock and a hard place. I do however have a place to go, and that's to God. I have to realize that only He can change things in her life, and only she can make those steps to do so. That is very painful for a parent.
As much as it hurts my heart to not do anything, it is in fact nothing that I need to do. I can offer words of encouragement and support, but I can do no more. It's not in my hands anymore. The precious child that God entrusted to me, is now an adult, with her own free will, and her own responsibilities. I have to trust that what I have taught her will come to her mind, and make sense to her, as she is on her journey through being an adult and parent. And all of us adults know how hard that journey can be.
Letting go of having to be responsible for our children, when they become adults, I think is the greatest challenge that a parent has to make. It is hard to send them to school the very first time, and it is hard to see them grow into teens that turn against you, and it's even far more difficult to realize that the job as a parent has changed. The need for a parent doesn't go away, it just changes. It's deeply wounding to see your child slip and stagger through trials and problems, knowing that you can't just sweep them up into your arms and rock them into feeling better about life. What I can tell you is, that if you can't let go, and you continue to be the comforter, and the one to make things just right for your child, it will bring far more hurt to your own heart, than if you had just let go in the first place.
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| | Breaking Free | | | Monday, August 25, 2008 (11:24 PM)
(I'm feeling insomniacal) | | How easy it was to encase myself, to build a dense wall that kept me in, away from everything that could hurt me. So easy it was to build my own prison.
Within it's walls, great changes occured. At first they were painful, and unbearably so. Never ceasing to test and challenge my very will to live.
Once my focus had been set to seeking the purpose for my life, the changes made in me were miraculous and astounding.
The changes became so beautiful, that the anticipation of a whole new life created impatience to break from the walls that were so easily built.
Those walls had grown strong and were not so easily broken, but my immense growth had brought me to have to break from of them, or risk being crushed by the weight of my entraptment.
Once a tear in this prison wall was made, light seared in and warmed my soul through and through. The taste of the new life before me set my heart ablaze.
My blood pumped furiously, and with strength unknown to me, I crushed the prison walls I had created and with a trembling body, I sprang from that dark place.
The very first glimpse I got of myself shocked me. I had totally transformed from inside out. I found beauty in my reflection, when it had eluded me for so long.
The miracle that took place in my life was so immense that soon it became clear to my mind what I must do. My life had changed so greatly, and I knew that my purpose in life is to love, and to help other butterflies escape from their cocoons.
Bekkah }i{ 8/26/08 | | | | 454 Views | 6 Thumbs Up | 3 Comments | |
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| | To those that were cut from my friend's list today | | | | Saturday, August 23, 2008 (9:02 AM) | | I find it very unfortunate to have to cut anyone off of my friend's list. In the last week I have gone through so much, and it only has proven to me that life is far to short to be worrying about what friends may be spying for other certain people and I really have no energy or time for it anymore.
I post on LV to enrich the lives of others and myself. I do not post on LV for my life to be tormented by people that seem to enjoy hating on me, and ones that I love. I at one time accepted all friend requests gladly, and then things happened and it just got way out of hand.
I don't really care if people hate me, that is their right. I have done no one wrong on LV, I have expresed my opinions and I have stood up for people I love dearly. If that makes me a bad person, then hate me for it. I'm not bothered.
Some of the people that I deleted today, I know are good people. I do not want to make anyone choose sides, or have to decided whether what I say, or someone else says, is true or not. I do not like people that ride the fence and just stay neutral, when the subject has been so hurtful to me. I really do not have the time in my life to determine whether these fence riders are legit friends, or just information gatherers for others.
There is a lot of behind the scenes talking on this site, so to cut down on the risk of having anything I say blown way out of proportion and turned into utter LIES, I have to take control of my own channel. I do not ask anyone to unsub their friends, or pick me over anyone else, that is NOT who I am. HOWEVER I will not abide by hypocrits that come to me and say 'oh, what an awful thing that was done to you, I'm so sorry that you were hurt' and then turn around and support the ones that did it.
The past week has put muches in perspective for me, and most certainly my life and happiness is NOT determined by how many friends I have on LV. I know the few and dear ones that I have, and I am grateful to God for them. I do not like having to cut good people from my list, but I do not like being tormented simply because I am me. I won't have it.
You may accuse me of GBA, but I really cannot abide by liars or hypocrits. If you could only have walked in my shoes through this deal, then you would understand. I hope and pray you all have a great life, and that you get all of the happiness that you desire. I wish NO ONE ILL WILL! Not even the person that has tried so desperately to bring me and my loved ones down. I just will NOT be in that ring of friends. There is far too many avenues to find things out, and a lot of times people innocently just say things, and then POW! I'm attacked for no reason.
I hope you understand, and if you do not understand, I hope that you can get some peace from it. One person in particular baffles me. You were supposed to be a close friend, and you even said that you had problems of the same nature, yet STILL you follow those people, and STILL you send me friend invites and gifts. I will not accept them, and I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings, but you haven't been in my shoes.
Love and respect to you all...
Bekkah }i{ | | | | 490 Views | 20 Thumbs Up | 10 Comments | |
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| | My Boy | | | Friday, August 22, 2008 (3:10 PM)
(I'm feeling sad) | | My boy, Myke, a shining star to many, and a priceless gem to me. Since his birth his smile lit up my life in an instant. To see sadness in his eyes could shatter my heart in an instant. He's kind and compassionate, a bit wild and unruly. He's giving and intelligent, he's humorous and quick witted.
Since he was born he's been overcoming life's challenges. He was born with bronchitis, and would cough for an hour straight, unable to even eat, that little boy fought on. Though he was too young for medicine, the tears I cried on his little shouder helped him fight on. He's always fought on for me. By the time he felt better, at the age of 6 weeks old, his tired little body rejoiced, and that is when his bright smile was born. He's been smiling that smile ever since, shining light into my life.
Determined to make friends with everyone, he's taken a lot of abuse from people that weren't even worthy of knowing him. But still he gave them kindness and tried to please them, in effort to make friends, and bring happiness to their lives. Even through times when kids bullied the daylights out of him, he still wanted to only be their friends.
Just like any teen, he has a temper and can be quite smart at times. Even in these times it's the compassion that fires through his veins that makes him react as he does. I have felt that so many times myself. He's a fighter for good, not for things evil.
I could never thank either of my children enough for what they have taught me in my life. I can never thank them enough for the love that they have helped to grow in me. They are that precious.
My dearest Myke, my only son and my source of pride, I love you, and I have always loved you, and I shall always love you. You make me proud, and I look up to you, as I always have, seeing you fight through life, and still remain the loving person that you are. Never lose that love, Myke. I gave it to you as a gift, and you've grown it so muches. Since the day you were born, I have looked up to you, and I always shall. I love you!
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| | Today Turns Tomorrow | | | | Friday, August 15, 2008 (7:27 PM) | | Tomorrow has passed twice since my blog that told of my scary day ahead of me, and how I planned to remain hopeful and faithful, and to trust God would care for all that was before me. I got through that day with such strength that I amazed even myself. And I don't impress me often.
I am not saying the day was easy and that it went how I wanted it to in every way. It was very hard, and very stressful, and very exhausting, both mentally and physically. However, as God promised, He gave me the strength to get through that day, and not only that, but has given me comfort that supersedes all of the exhaustion by muches. So much so, that I am very happy and contented in my spirit.
Did the big scary thing get stopped? No, it went on as I knew it would, leaving much hurt in it's path, however that hurt is not in my spirit, it's not a part of my life. It's seperate from me, as God intended. Not only have I been blessed with comfort in my spirit, but others that I love have been blessed through the scary thing that I faced a few days ago.
I wanted to glorify God, and put my complete trust in Him, and I have, and let me tell you, anyone that doesn't believe there is a God, or doesn't feel that what I have done is by His grace and strength, I sinseriously must disagree. What I accomplished in one day was amazing. But yet still, getting through that day wasn't even the hardest day to get through, it was yesterday.
I purposely waited to write this blog, until the day after the day of the most stress and confusion would be over. I deliberately did not speak of the worst part of it, for it is useless to fret about the future, when it has not happened, and when God keeps us in His grip. So, my today turned into yesterday, and as I sit here writing, I can tell you, I love God for what these past few days have brought, for it has brought me many answers to prayers, and ya just never know what your blessings and miracles are wrapped in.
I am more than okay, today, and though yesterday was hard, by trusting in God, your tomorrow always works out for the good, as He promises to us all. | | | | 429 Views | 4 Thumbs Up | 2 Comments | |
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| | Today | | | Wednesday, August 13, 2008 (5:57 AM)
(I'm feeling hopeful) | | Today is a very big day for me. It is so big, that it could tend to be scary. I won't let it scare me, I embrace what the future holds, and what the future holds is what God has planned for me.
I'm sure some of you have been getting tired of hearing me talk about God, but just the fact that I am happy and hopeful today, one of the hardest days I have had in a long time, it all is because God loves me, and what He promises He fulfills. Without God, I don't know how I would feel today.
This day will not defeat me, but I shall defeat it. No matter the outcome of this day, I know that I am going to be more than just fine. I am going to be wonderfultastic! Facing something so great is a test of one's faith, but God never leaves me. I feel Him always.
The next 24 hours hold so much for me, so many things to face and yet there is very little fear, and what fear I have, is subsided quietly when I thank God for the breath that flows through me. I am going to have the attitude of a warrior and keep strong in the face of adversity. For He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world. Alone I cannot do anything, but by God's grace, I'm pressing through!
Perhaps in the future I will share what today holds, but as for now, I won't give Satan the glory of hearing me complain. It is important to my defeating him. I will only speak of how grateful I am, and how much I am loved, and how happy I am inside despite the woes that life brings me.
These past weeks have not been easy to stay happy, with the help of God, and the help of my Mom, and my dear Kierri, I am smiling, I am laughing at my problems, and praising God that I can be in His comfort, just as He promises.
I pray that through standing tall and firmly, I will glorify God, and His love will be outpoured onto others, however I may and whenever I can, being an example of how God's love can and DOES change us, and protect our hearts.
Today has no power over me. | | | | 322 Views | 4 Thumbs Up | 2 Comments | |
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| | Whatta Butt | | | | Sunday, August 10, 2008 (6:43 PM) | | Butts Charged With Stealing Toilet Paper
AP
Posted: 2007-06-12 09:15:58
MARSHALLTOWN, Iowa (June 11) - Police blame a woman named Butts for stealing toilet paper from a central Iowa courthouse, and while they're chuckling, the theft charge could put her in prison.
"She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper," Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. "See, I can't say it with a straight face."
Workers had noticed the rolls disappearing from the Marshall County Courthouse much faster than usual, Walker said.
Butts, 38, was caught last week after an employee saw her taking three rolls of two-ply tissue from a storage closet, Walker said.
Butts insisted it was the first time she'd pilfered toilet paper, but she declined to answer further questions on her attorney's advice.
The fifth-degree theft charge, a misdemeanor, normally carries a sentence of less than a year in jail. But Butts could face more time if convicted under the state's habitual offender law because she has prior theft convictions.
Walker did not know why Butts was at the courthouse, but said that she did not work there. | | | | 303 Views | 4 Thumbs Up | 2 Comments | |
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| | Sodium Laurel Sulfate | | | | Sunday, August 10, 2008 (6:42 PM) | | Shampoo
Rumor:
One chain email floating through cyberspace says a common ingredient in many health and beauty aids is known to cause cancer. The warning reads: “Check the ingredients listed on your shampoo bottle, and see if they have this substance by the name of Sodium Laureth Sulfate, or simply SLS. This substance is found in most shampoos, and the manufacturers use it because it produces a lot of foam and it is cheap. BUT the fact is that SLS is used to scrub garage floors, and it is very strong. It is also proven that it can cause cancer in the long run. I went home and checked my shampoo (Vidal Sasoon), it doesn't contain it; however, others such as Vo5, Palmolive, Paul Mitchell, the new Hemp shampoo, etc. contains this substance."
Fact:
Sodium lauryl sulfate (SLS) and its chemical cousin sodium laureth sulfate (SLES) are known irritants, not known carcinogens. SLS and SLES are powerful surfactants (wetting agents) and detergents. They have industrial uses because they are detergents that exert emulsifying action, thereby removing oil and soil. There is no way of knowing where this Internet information comes from, but there are a variety of Web sites offering health and beauty products that are SLS-free. According to David Emery and his Urban Legends website, "All these Web sites are maintained by 'independent distributors' for various multi-level marketing companies hawking natural personal care products. As a matter of fact, the majority of URLs returned in a standard Web search on the keywords 'sodium laureth sulfate' all point to versions of the same propaganda." | | | | 311 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | My thoughts... | | | Tuesday, August 5, 2008 (6:24 AM)
(I'm feeling chipper) | | Ya'll will never know how grateful I am to Robertasaidso's Research. What I and a few others knew all along is proved in her beautiful Blog. Thank you so muches!
I hope that we all can learn from this experience. I have learned a lot. I have always tried to let people friend who they like, and despite comments I would read, I tried hard not to judge the others by them. I have lost a few good friends through this, but I feel I cannot trust those that stayed so close to the people that caused so much hurt to me, but not just me, but to Kierri and my Mummy. They are precious people who NEVER deserved any of that, and I'm glad that someone was able to put the truth out in the open.
I know everyone's upset about LVA's lack of approving our vids, and on some cases deleting videos that they didn't want people to see, and I agree that it is a very difficult thing to put up with and still enjoy making videos. I would like to say however, in light of the private video goof up, I am kinda glad that this slow time has occured. If not, perhaps other ppl would have been hurt in the same way.
I am going to exercise a bit of patience with LiveVideo, afterall, though there are some of the most disgusting people on Earth here, there are also beautiful and loving people. If this is meant to be my friends, it will work out. And if the goof ups and slow approval helps save someone else a lot of hurt, then I'm sorry but I have to say I am glad for it :)
Perhaps we all needed to think about some things, and I'm SURE that we have. My eternal thanks to Robertasaidso's channel and her undying efforts to expose the truth. I love the truth :)
Hugs,
Bekkah }i{ | | | | 348 Views | 12 Thumbs Up | 7 Comments | |
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| | I find it hilarious | | | Monday, August 4, 2008 (5:42 PM)
(I'm feeling amused) | | No names are going to be mentioned here, put two and twenty together if you can. I find it ironic that the ONE person that slandered the ONE person that didn't EVER deserve it, by putting them down in video, in messages and the Good Lord only knows what else, and NOW the slanderer is saying that precious person is a nice person. Hmmm, no shit Sherlock.
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