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| | Useful Tools | | | Thursday, July 31, 2008 (9:00 PM)
(I'm feeling cheerful) | | This is a slight variation of my previous blog post. Still funny stuff!
• Eight-Foot Long Douglas Fir 4x2 - used for levering a bike upright after using a hydraulic jack on the bike.
• Hydraulic Bike Jack/Platform - ingeniously-designed tool for flipping bikes onto their sides, usually when you're alone in the garage and without your Douglas fir 4x2.
• Wire Wheel - cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints as an added bonus.
• Drill Press - a tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against the Pamela Anderson poster over the bench grinder.
• Oxy Acetylene torch - used almost entirely for lighting cigarettes because you can never remember to buy lighter fluid for the Zippo lighter.
• Vice-Grips - used to round off bolt heads. Also used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
• Electric Hand Drill - normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes, but it also works great for drilling roll-bar mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just above the brake line that goes to the rear axle.
• Mechanic's Knife - used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing leathers or bike covers.
• Hammer - originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive chrome parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
• Tweezers - a tool for removing wood splinters. (see Douglas fir above)
• Phone - tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
• Snap-On Gasket Scraper - theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog poop off your boot.
• E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor - a tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
• Two-Ton Hydraulic Engine Hoist - a handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and hydraulic clutch lines you may have forgotten to disconnect. Almost capable of lifting a Gold Wing off the floor.
• Battery electrolyte Tester- A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from scooter battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
• Hacksaw - one of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
• Trouble Light - the mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is not otherwise found in garages at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
• Air Compressor - a machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and rounds them off, rendering them totally useless and stuck for good.
• Phillips Screwdriver - normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
• Timing Light - a stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup on crankshaft pulleys.
And finally Super Glue, designed to stick no two materials together, except if one of them is your skin, in which case the adherence is black-hole like. | | | 20 Views | 0  Thumbs Up | 0 Comments |  |
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| | For all you mechanics and DIYers | | | | Tuesday, April 22, 2008 (1:16 PM) | | SNAP-RING PLIER: A special plier used to propel snap-rings from the part you are working on to the farthest, darkest, spider inhabited recesses of the garage
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal
bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted
vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where
nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and
hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to
say, 'Oh sh--....'
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die
of old age.
SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used&nb sp; in the creation of
blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up
jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle.
It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion,
and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If
nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense
welding heat to the palm of your hand.
WELDING GLOVES:
Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
ACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in
your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the
wheel hub out of which ;you want to remove a bearing r ace.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have
installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly
under the bumper.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4:
Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic
jack handle.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly
off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut
good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into
the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the
outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you
forgot to disc onnect.
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER:
A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined
screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS:
See hacksaw.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening
old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt;
but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips
screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common
slotted screws into non-removable screws.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket
you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
used as a kind of divining rod t o locate the most expensive parts
adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons
delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents
such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector
magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts . Especially
useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
DAMMIT TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while
yelling 'DAMMIT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often,
the next tool that you will need. | | | | 63 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | Uh oh...a post with no rant! | | | | Tuesday, April 22, 2008 (12:56 PM) | | It's been a good day. I only had one delivery today, and the people I delivered to complemented me on the job, saying we did a good job. That was almost as good as a tip. It's nice to know people appreciate the work you do.
Also stopped to vote in our state's primary election after work. This was the first time I've ever voted and I have to say it felt good to participate in the election process. Even if the candidates I voted for don't get elected, I know I did my part, and voted for what I believe in.
Now all I need is a good motorcycle ride and my day will be complete. | | | | 65 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | Homeland security gone fishing | | | Friday, March 28, 2008 (9:30 PM)
(I'm feeling anxious) | | I found a disturbing article today on the USA Today website. It seems Homeland security is now requiring people that are fishing in Lake Erie and planning to cross the border on the water to fish in the Canadian portion of the lake to carry a passport or two other forms of ID. Then you'll have to drive to the local government reporting station and pose for pictures so they can run your through to basically see if you're a terrorist. Many of the fishing charter boat captains are incensed about the situation. I can't say I blame them.
If charter boat captains want to continue fishing in Canadian waters, they will be required to:
Fax in passengers' personal information (name, date of birth and government ID number) to the local Customs and Border Protection office an hour before they leave shore. Their names will be run against terrorist watch lists.
Make sure passengers carry either a passport or a government ID and a proof-of-citizenship document.
Send the passengers to a local border protection reporting station after landing, so they can call in on a videophone.
You can't even enjoy fishing anymore without worrying about the government watching over you and thinking you're a terrorist. What is this country coming to? How long until we can't even leave home to see family and friends without the government doing things like these?
Our rights, privacy, and civil liberties are being taken away, and it won't be long until they are all gone. Soon we'll be prisoners within our own borders, or even our own homes. I for one will not stand for this. How about you? We must stand up for our rights and our Constitution.
Going fishing?
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| | Coming soon...Real ID | | | | Monday, March 24, 2008 (3:03 PM) | | Some of you know what Real ID, and is some don't.
For those of you that don't, it's a national ID card system that will turn your driver's license into a national ID card. Every American will need this national ID in order to fly on commercial airlines, enter government buildings, open a bank account, and more. The national database will contain all personal information such as name, address, social security number and possibly other personal information.
The law requires DMVs to store scanned copies of birth certificates, Social Security cards, and any other documents that individuals present when they apply for a license. It creates a national linked database allowing millions of employees at all levels of government around the nation to access personal data. It will also allow bars, merchants and other private parties to scan personal data off of the card, making your information available to even more people, making your information more vulnerable to theft.
This will also mean more red tape, longer lines for those trying to get a license or ID, and higher fees or state taxes for Americans, not to mention the fact that it will cost billions of dollars to implement and maintain.
The Real ID Act was signed into law in May of 2005 by President Bush, which was attached to the
“Emergency Supplemental Appropriation for Defense, the Global War on Terror, and Tsunami Relief, 2005” (H.R. 1268, P.L. 109-13).
The federal goverment has mandated state compliance by May 10, 2008, and some states have already implemented Real ID to some degree.
It's a bad idea and here's some of the reasons why:
1) It creates huge administrative burdens for state governments, while providing no federal funds for implementing its onerous requirements. The costs will inevitably be passed onto the American citizens.
2) It does nothing to combat terrorism. IDs and documents can be faked and duplicated.
3) It puts us at greater risk for invasions of privacy and identity theft. Computer systems can be hacked into, information stolen and used and spread.
4) This may open up discrimination of legal immigrants, and Americans without Real ID, or any ID at all.
Here's where the four Presitential candidates stand on Real ID:
Sen. Barak Obama:
"I do not support the Real ID program because it is an unfunded mandate, and not enough work has been done with the states to help them implement the program."
He hasn't stated he opposes it in another form, just it's current form.
Sen. Hillary Clinton:
"I believe we need to seriously re-examine Real ID and make changes that take into account legitimate concerns raised by states. I have long expressed concern with the Real ID Act, dating back to its initial consideration in the Senate in the spring of 2005.
Had there been an opportunity to properly consider this legislation, it would have been revealed that the Real ID Act imposes dramatic new burdens on our states and substantially changes our immigration and asylum laws in ways that deserve critical examination.
Among other things, Real ID's driver's license provisions impose a massive unfunded mandate on states, while ignoring our broken immigration system.
But there never was an opportunity to consider it properly. Senate Republicans brought this legislation up for a vote without holding hearings or engaging in serious debate, and by tacking it on to an emergency spending bill for our troops. By employing these tactics, Republicans revealed that they were determined to bulldoze this law through without serious discussion.
I support a comprehensive review of Real ID to determine whether its various ID provisions make sense in light of our very real security needs and the challenges facing our states."
Although she says she "long expressed concern with the Real ID Act", she hasn't said she opposed the act.
Sen. John McCain:
"The 9/11 Commission recommended that the federal government set standards for the issuance of birth certificates and sources of identification, such as driver's licenses. Consistent with these recommendations, the Real ID act established federal guidelines to prevent fraud in the issuance and acquisition of identity documents. I support full implementation of Real ID but understand that states need to be given enough time and funding to implement the requirements."
He obviously supports the Real ID Act, just as Bush does.
Rep. Ron Paul:
"I do not support any Real ID program, and I would seek the repeal of all federal laws mandating a Real ID program. The Real ID Act imposes tremendous costs on state governments, yet any state that opts out will automatically make nonpersons out of its citizens.
The citizens of that state will be unable to have any dealings with the federal government because their ID will not be accepted. They will not be able to fly or to take a train. In essence, in the eyes of the federal government, they will cease to exist.
However, the most objectionable feature of the Real ID Act is that it turns state driver's licenses into de facto national ID cards, thus facilitating the massive invasion of an American's privacy, facilitating the growth of the surveillance state, and turning America into the type of country where citizens must always have their 'papers in order."
He obviously opposes any kind of Real ID or national ID.
I , along with many other Americans, oppose Real ID. Big changes are on the horizon and they affect you, your children, and every other American. Contact your Senators and Representatives, and let them know you disagree with Real ID.
Here are some links dealing with the subject. Be sure to check them out and learn more about Real ID.
Realnightmare.org
Privacy Rights Clearinghouse | | | | 74 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | Even YouTube is in on it! | | | Tuesday, March 18, 2008 (1:03 PM)
(I'm feeling pissed off) | | Looks like one of the other video services is against giving Ron Paul a fair shake. YouTube's You Choose '08 fails to show Ron Paul as a running candidate in their list of candidates.
This is getting absolutely ridiculous. Why can't anyone just tell the truth? What the hell are they afraid of? Are they afraid that they won't have politicians in their back pockets anymore? Are the politicians afraid of losing their cushy little jobs and all the perks? Who knows. All I know is that these companies and organizations that are supposedly reporting the truth to us are not, and I for one am no longer putting up with it. Money talks, and mine is talking, too. I'll be doing my best to not patronize the companies that are doing these kind of things.
Unfortunately, I won't be able to totally boycott the site because many of Ron Paul's videos are there. I will, however, NOT be using the 'Tube any more than I need to, and the same goes for their parent company. There are plenty of effective search engines around, so bye-bye big "G".
Yeah I'm pissed. All I ask for is truth and all I get is a stinky pile of BULLSHIT.
Ron Paul REMOVED by Youtube | | | | 70 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | I call BS... | | | Wednesday, March 12, 2008 (11:02 AM)
(I'm feeling annoyed) | | Just about everyone knows this is an election year. I know the media does.
So tell me why they consistently misreport on the results and ignore legitimate candidates. For example, the media has repeatedly failed to report results for Ron Paul, which is still in the presidential race, but reports Mike Huckabee's results, even though he dropped out of the race. Doesn't this seem a bit odd to you? It does to me.
The fact that the mass media is doing this just shows how skewed our society has gotten, how greedy many of us have become. I guess money and ratings are more important more than truth these days. It's a sad state of affairs.
Well, I'm not going into this any further right now. You can do the research yourself to find the truth about what's really going on.
As for me, I've done the research and I call bullsh*t on the mass media. Get your sh*t straight and start reporting the truth, and all the truth, not this biased crap that you've been feeding us. | | | | 89 Views | 2 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment | |
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