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| | ah, the mall...what wonder awaits you there... | | | | Saturday, July 26, 2008 (3:17 PM) | | Ok, so honestly, I avoid the mall at all costs. Can't stand it. Yes, I am a female, so I understand that I must go out of necessity at some point- whether it is because a girlfriend wants to meet for lunch and shopping, loved ones in need of some kind of gift to remember that it is their birthday or some major other holiday, or god forbid- I actually desire something that can only be obtained by venturing out into the capitalist mecca; but if at all possible, I dodge that bullet. Today I failed at dodging. My sister in law and I ended up at the dreaded makeup counter- which I believe is like the mall intensified. Don't get me wrong, I like makeup- total girly girl that way- I just don't enjoy the whole "makeover" thing as much as I used to. And why does it seem like I always end up here when my eyebrows aren't plucked, lips are chapped, and a huge craterous zit has hatched just left of the center of my chin? And this are just the flaws I walk in knowing about! Soon, and with the aide of a lovely makeup maven who is 19-22 years of age with perfectly coifed hair and stillettos, I find that I have have dark circles, which can be fixed with this industrial strength concealer that comes in a adorable pocket sized tin for the low low price of $38 per oz. Also I have crows feet, which weren't noticeable until the concealer has settled nicely into them, but that can be fixed of I also purchase this special foxtail makeup brush. So far, it will only cost me $85 to be acceptable looking to the continue my journey into the mall. Silly me, I thought I actually did an decent job on my makeup this morning, but now, now I know better! How fortunate I was to have found someone so kind as to help me out! After 40 minutes of getting made over, I finally get the big reveal. "Huh....really?" Obviously this is not the response she was looking for.
"Doesn't your face look brighter? And look! Your circles are gone, your brows are arched properly, and your lips are sooooo pretty!"
"Oh," I feign understanding, "yes, my lips do look quite pretty. And those circles always did bug me.....thank you for that." Seems to have worked because she stands a bit taller in her stilletos and smiles.
"So....what can I ring up for you?"
"Um....[long, incredibly awkward pause].. do you think this or this?" I grab a bottle of metallic pink liquid and a tube of similarly colored balm- that should work right?
"Either or? You don't want both? And don't forget the concealer!" She cheerfully beams at me. Crap! That didn't work at all. After appearing to carefully weigh all the makeup options laid out before me, I pick two of the cheapest items I can find on the counter- but why? Why do I feel the need to appease this person with whom I've had a relationship that began with her pointing out my flaws and will consquently end with this sale? Because she had to spend 40 minutes looking intently at my face, I owe her by buying a hundred dollars of makeup I'll throw in a bag with other guilt relics- is that right? "And would you like to open an account with us today? It will save you 10% on your puchase today?" Jesus woman! Leve me alone already! I mumble something about already having a card for this store and sign the reciept.
I walk toward the exit and am bomboarded by other salesladies who spot my baggie of goods which offers proof that I am, indeed a sucker and very willing to buy anything that they throw my way provided a free gift is also offered. I roll my eyes and ignore them- this is why I hate the mall... | | | 119 Views | 6  Thumbs Up | 3 Comments |  |
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| | Best day ever!! | | | Sunday, June 15, 2008 (12:02 AM)
(I'm feeling giddy) | | | Ok, so I won a free breakfast in a coin toss with a restaurant owner and got the number for Jack Black's booking agent- pretty much the best day ever. :) | | | | 135 Views | 2 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment | |
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