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| | it's not that deep | | | | Friday, May 29, 2009 (12:00 PM) | | i wasn't ever going to write here again,
but i got too caught up, and my site is on the low...
so it's ok, but in the future, i surely won't be here.
God is funny, He has a really ineteresting sense of humor...
tonight i saw a worker from an ex's piece,
i asked him-was that you?
he said yes, i said good job.
he said i like your hair,
i had watched a different piece,
and that was the line that had stood out.
i came home, did some things, and started to read.
a certain city came up, then a certian country-
both of a different ex. not what you think...it's not that deep.
but all i'm saying is that God definitely has a sense of humor
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| | craziness today | | | Wednesday, May 13, 2009 (8:44 AM)
(I'm feeling refreshed) | | wooooooooooooooooooah!
this morning i picked my friend up from the airport
at 4:30am
wooooah!
but it was fun!
a lady (who works at the airport)
chased me through, and down a flight a stairs
to see how old i was...
wooooooh!
that was interesting...
my friend and i went to jack in the box
i had a coupon for mini-sirloin burgers,
we ate them at 5:30am
woooooah!
they were ok,
but it was fun!!!
after i was going to take my dog to the beach,
but he made a nest in my bed-
aw man! sucks for him! he got crated,
and i went alone...
tsktsktsk! too bad for him :O(
once i got there,
i had to take a nap...
i got one,
and it was good...
and i was woken up by a loud,
strong voice.
it was from an old friend,
i hadn't seen in about a year.
woooooooooooooosh!
that was random!
then i went to starbuck's,
and got a tasty drink..
mmmm...
and i wrote all that i wanted,
and then i went beachside...
to meditate on God
and to try to really listen.
woah! the tips i needed
were on my old church's website...
WOW! God is really something!
next i went down the pier,
to meditate some more...
on my way back,
a guy wanted my attention,
and part of his speel was,
"hey, come here..."
it made me laugh,
i walked away as he tried to redeem...
but it was too late (at that time)
i went t a beauty store,
and the lady there was AWESOME.
she directed me to EXACTALY what i needed.
thank you beauty store lady!
i went back to starbuck's,
for another tasty drink,
and i finalized my writing,
and then went back to my car.
when i went to open the door,
the same guy from the pier was right there...
he took me by surprise,
but i listened to what he had to say.
he said he was sorry,
and that he only wanted to talk to me.
he gave me many compliments,
and he was a very good-looking guy,
and his compliments made me feel great.
he said he'd do anything to have me around him,
and he really wanted to take me out.
i declined, but told him how awesome he made me feel.
he told me i was a sweetheart, and that i had a good heart.
that made me feel wonderful,
and i told him he was a sweetheart too,
and that he also had a good heart.
because he did.
and guess what???
the day isn't even over!!!
i have SO much to look forward to,
because God is just that good.
amen!!!
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| | now it's gone | | | Monday, May 4, 2009 (10:14 PM)
(I'm feeling finished) | | it was there
and acknowledged
and now it's gone forever.
i knew i had to think about my thoughts
and i knew i had to realize that they were real
after i did that, i gained the tools to fight the power.
and now it's been beaten.
i've reached the finish line.
and now i can climb the ladder
the glass cieling has been broken.
it wasn't ever my strength,
it was only the power of God.
He helped me to know what waswas real.
and when i decided to make that decision,
as well as the last,
the answers came.
thank God.
and amen. | | | | 25 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | it's now become i hate you | | | Monday, May 4, 2009 (11:05 AM)
(I'm feeling apathetic) | | it used to be fuck you.
and now it's i hate you.
never thought it would ever come to that
but it has because i relate everything to being lies.
all the beliefs i had that supported you
have all regressed into what i wanted to believe.
all of your credibility has evaporated
and all of my confidence in you has disappeared. | | | | 29 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment | |
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| | now it's done | | | Monday, May 4, 2009 (9:55 AM)
(I'm feeling pleased) | | it's happened before
in the form of a bluff
and i've considered this time
to also be one of those.
but it's not.
because it is
exactaly what it is.
and even if it is
what it was before
it's done
because still,
it is what it is.
you're uninvited
and void from my mind.
i'm erasing everything that was
and walking out of the room we were in.
that part of my mind is empty now.
and it's more peaceful.
sometimes it feels sorrow,
and lately it's been feeling anger.
your energy comes in,
and all i feel i want to say is
fuck you.
that's not cool.
cause it's polluting my space,
and you're just not welcomed
anymore.
now and forever.
so i've gotten that fuck you
out of my mind.
and i've replaced it with
it's all finished now,
and you're not welcomed anymore.
please don't ever come back.
and i'm looking forward to what's coming next.
because i know how good it can be.
that's what's making forgetting all that
not so hard.
thank God. | | | | 24 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment | |
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| | they give it to us | | | | Saturday, May 2, 2009 (2:27 PM) | | they can't take it the way we've had to.
also, we can't do a lot of what they can,
but right now i'm talking about what they can't.
i see commercials.
and there are only a couple
that are designed for them,
the way the rest
are designed for us.
i look at magazines
and everything is contrived
to dig nasty holes into our heads
but nothing really is being plugged into theirs
our egos are often shattered
our self-esteem is often under attack
that's because it's being passed
they can't take it,
so they give it to us.
if could they feel half
of what we feel regularly.
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| | i'm listening now..... | | | Thursday, April 30, 2009 (5:11 PM)
(I'm feeling loved) | | this morning i prayed,
and the Holy Spirit directed me
to listen.
so i did.
i chose to use today-
exclusively for listening.
i was shocked at what i heard.
but i've heard a little of it before.
just from time to time,
that's my fault.
i'm sorry i didn't concentrate harder.
i thought i was crazy,
so i dismissed the things i knew.
but with confirmation from God,
it's impossible to ignore.
and impossible to forget.
it's all too amazing.
i'm so thankful,
and i'm so sorry.
i understand your frustration now.
i'll do my best
to always remember
what i already know.
i love you so much.
i'll never,
ever,
ever let go.
i'm so happy
with you.
and i never,
ever want to leave.
i only want to stay with you.
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| | listen | | | | Wednesday, April 29, 2009 (9:07 AM) | | i need to do more listening.
a lot of the time,
i'm just waiting to talk,
although i'd really like to be
the kind to say hardly a word.
and just listen.
i need be more selfless.
you know,
the kind of person
who's genuinely thinking
of someone else
before themselves.
i need to more meditation.
my inner dialogue
is deafening.
every action has a thought,
and when there's nothing to think about
the bad ones come.
those useless ones.
running off of the subconscious.
running off of the Holy Spirit.
they're one in the same.
i need to do more remembering.
but the things i know
seem too much.
they also seem to good.
isn't that crazy?
i don't want to believe
what i know is real,
what i know is true.
my mind is crazy.
sometimes it tries
to destroy the best things it has in it.
i used to do that.
actually,
i still do that now.
but now,
i'm aware of it,
and i don't want to do it anymore.
| | | | 13 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | (sigh) | | | Tuesday, April 28, 2009 (11:25 PM)
(I'm feeling realized.) | | some things about me need work
but i know what i know
and i've arrived
i don't care about anyone's ill thoughts.
sorry, but i'm not.
it's the maturity.
count my flaws,
analyze my errors,
i STIILL don't care.
i NEVER will.
keep it real,
let's play.
let's just do it.
i'm over the nonsense.
crap is easy to recognize,
and we're all beyond it. | | | | 30 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | free. that's it. | | | | Tuesday, April 28, 2009 (11:07 PM) | | i want to talk,
openly and freely,
without hesitation.
i want to hear what you have to say,
and i will try my best not to judge you.
sometimes it's my natural way,
but i'll do my best to fight against it.
i need my friend back.
and when you need a friend,
that's me.
let's talk about whatever,
with no hesitation.
our minds,
our qualms,
our insecurities.
why not?
let's just have fun,
and learn
and grow
through and with each other.
let's help each other,
let's just be us
and rule the world,
in our own way.
nothing to hold us back,
cause we both don't give a damn
about those other judegements
so let's not care about each others.
lets just see how far we can go,
and hold each other's hands,
give a kiss on the cheek
some dap
and a smile. | | | | 26 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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