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| | Addiction | | | | Monday, June 30, 2008 (9:22 AM) | | Dear Friend,
I've come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally physically spiritually and socially. I want to have you restless so you can never relax. I want you jumpy and nervous and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable. I want you to be depressed and confused so that you can't think clearly or positively. I want to make you hate everything and everybody-especially yourself. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the the things you have done in the past that you'll never be able to let go. I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but your addiction for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you fearful and paranoid for no reason at all and I want you to wake up during all hours of the night screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me; I'm even in your dreams.
I want to be the first thing you wake up to every morning and the last thing you touch before you black out. I would rather kill you, but I'll be happy enough if I can put you back in the hospital, another institution or jail. But you know that I'll still be waiting for you when you come out. I love to watch you slowly going insane. I love to see all the physical damage that I'm causing you. I can't help but sneer and chuckly when you shiver and shake, when you freeze and sweat at the same time, when you wake up with your sheets and blankets soaking wet.
It's amazing how much destruction I can do to your internal organs while at the same time, work on your brain, destroying it bit by bit. I deeply appreciate how much you sacrifice for me.
The countless good jobs you have sacrificed for me. All the fine friends that you deeply cared for-you gave them up for me. And what's more, for the ones you turned against yourself because of your inexcusable actions-I am more than grateful.
And especially your loved ones, your family, and the most important people in the world to you. You even threw them away for me. I cannot express in words the gratitiude I have for the loayalty you have for me. You sacrificed all these beautiful things in your life just to devote yourself completely to me. But do not despair my friend, for on me you can always depend. For after you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in living hell, to keep your mind, body and soul. FOR I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD, MY FRIEND.
Faithfully yours,
Your addiction and drug of choice | | | 44 Views | 2  Thumbs Up | 1 Comment |  |
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| | Life... | | | | Wednesday, February 20, 2008 (9:07 AM) | | Life is too short, we never know when its our time to go, I sit here not knowing what to say yet wanting to say so much, maybe I haven't wrapped myself around the reality of it all as of yet.
Often times we get so wrapped up in life's situations that we dont take the time to say "I love you" or "thank you" why is that? because we take for granted there will be another time to say it....we take so much for granted...like life, love, the smile of a child, a hug, even the tears of hard times, we just take them for granted.
I write this and you say, what is she really talking about? there is so much going on in my real life, real life troubles, real life joys, I have so many blessing...some even in disguise, I have teenagers crying out for help and I have babies crying out for help...dont we all, no matter what age cry out for help? and is that so bad? thats what we are all here for, helping each other, my three year old helps me every day with a simple I love you mommy, my teenage daughter has at times answered a question for me that has been driving me crazy and I say wow when did you get so wise? they grow up so darn fast....sometimes when your right smack dab in the middle of a problem you just cannot see the answers that are right there in front of your face...
So without going into detail of exactly what we are going through, I know we will make it out Ok, as long as we dont take for granted even the smallest things...life will be full of surprises, good and bad, we just need to take then as they come and be thankful that we are here to deal with them.
With all this said I would like to take this time to say to each and everyone of you..."Thank You", for being there for me or for simply just being a friend...you each do something in your own little way to make my days brighter, I would also like to say I love you and I truely mean that...when I say I love you, they are not just three little words, they are heart felt emotions. | | | | 137 Views | 17 Thumbs Up | 10 Comments | |
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| | I've got nothing... | | | Saturday, February 16, 2008 (4:57 PM)
(I'm feeling contemplative) | | Alrighty then, I so wanted to try this blogging thing out but I've got nothing, what is one to talk about here for all to see?
My inner desires, my children, my marriage, my upbringing, my past mistakes, my secrets, my fears?
When I figure this all out in my head, I'll try this again, untill then, all I can say is..........
Huggers :o) | | | | 108 Views | 1 Thumb Up | 3 Comments | |
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