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| | i've been called out | | | | Wednesday, May 7, 2008 (8:40 PM) | | someone called me out
The truth is, Sean really did go to prom with me and we dated on and off for years, but I never had any actual photographic evidence. You see, he was always so insecure about his jowls, and of course, being seen with a woman of Asian descent (he didn't want anyone to think he had a concubine -tsk tsk...I should tell you some bedtime stories!). So, the real photos have been destroyed. :(
Anyway, I know that some people don't believe that Sean and I had some romantic history, that is fine. What is important is that those friends who really know me would know that I never lie. They know all about Sean and I, about what was really underneath that kilt of his, about his cross-culture-dressing, about his destruction of our secret videos, and of course, about his destruction of my little heart. That bastard.
edit:
(Although the fact that I am indeed Asian is quite the insult, I am most offended that I have been accused of being a "hungry" one. I cannot hide my slant eyes and I must admit to that. But one thing I am NOT is hungry! My dearest friends know that I eat chili out of a can and stovetop stuffing out of the pot. So there.)
| | | 63 Views | 14  Thumbs Up | 9 Comments |  |
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| | boredom is the foundation of my lame behaviour | | | | Monday, April 28, 2008 (12:25 AM) | | sometimes i become so bored that i start occupying myself with the stupidest shit. just now, for about 5 minutes, i dropped into a live room. (maybe for more blog material?)
i end up in a room full of people who are dull and conceited without good reason. i try to promote the video community, try to explain the re-launch a bit, try to explain my self-righteous mission to merge the two aspects of lv and expand the community into a bigger collective, but some people just can't get over themselves.
when i'm bored, i run with shit i shouldn't run with. i waste my time with brick walls or even subordinate myself in hopes of being entertained. and then i feel uber-lame after for allowing my boredom to carry me in such a direction.
anyways, i called someone weaksauce and left the room before i could get kicked. it was lame to the max but ok, time for me to see the positive:
-sometimes, there are some random (read:rad) liveshowers with some really interesting things to say
-sometimes, there are open-minded liveshowers who will take a peek at the videos on lv
-sometimes, there are liveshowers that help me respect the liveshow aspect of LV and understand that the liveshow community created by LV can be a good thing (for others)
my overall impression is that it won't work, no matter how hard i try. i mean, i think that i may be able to recruit a few (in exchange for nudes) to the video-side, but regardless, this binary is sorta un-deconstructable. haha, it kind of sounds like a couple in which each partner's needs are too different to be able to meet at some sort of reconciliation. i think "us" video-ers want real connection, real comedy, real creativity (minus the cheesy alliteration i'm providing). i think "those" liveshow-ers want to perv, to flirt, to chatter away. and here i am, trying to find that common ground of chatting/connecting that both video-making and liveshowing share. but i think the real-time aspect of liveshow is what appeals to "them" the most, and obviously, the video aspect of LV cannot replicate that in any way.
i'm just bothered because i can't stand divides because i'm convinced they don't exist. arg.
it reminds me of this literate society, in which reading becomes so paramount that no one knows how to listen to story anymore.
i'm going to read this in the morning and say to myself: damn, i should've just gone to bed.
Goodnight! | | | | 72 Views | 10 Thumbs Up | 9 Comments | |
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| | MORE MERRIMENT OF LIVESHOW | | | | Saturday, April 26, 2008 (11:59 AM) | | soulja2008: waz poppin'
soulja2008: how old r u
anotherbrianne: how old r u?
soulja2008: 26
soulja2008: u
anotherbrianne: 17 :P
soulja2008: does age matter
anotherbrianne: you tell me
soulja2008: age iz just a #
anotherbrianne: cool
soulja2008: cool wat
anotherbrianne: idk
soulja2008: so wat ru wearing
anotherbrianne: PJs
soulja2008: mm thats sexy
anotherbrianne: aww ha lol
soulja2008: do u like a man with tattos
anotherbrianne: idk why
soulja2008: cuz i got 30-50 tats all overmy body
anotherbrianne: u lost count?
soulja2008: im 100% real nigga for u
anotherbrianne: um ok
soulja2008: u got any tats
anotherbrianne: nope. i wanna but my mom wont let me
anotherbrianne: she said its trashy
soulja2008: where u want one?
disconnected
soulja2008: why did u leave
anotherbrianne: it got disconnected
soulja2008: ohh
soulja2008: 4real
anotherbrianne: yeah
soulja2008: do u have a sexy body
anotherbrianne: hehe i dunno
soulja2008: do u have a sexy body
anotherbrianne: maybe i think i'm kinda fat tho
soulja2008: dont say dat i bet u have a sexy body
anotherbrianne: awww thx
soulja2008: ur welcome
anotherbrianne: watcha doin
soulja2008: talking 2u
anotherbrianne: thats it?
soulja2008: any writing my music
soulja2008: i meant and
soulja2008: u there sexy
anotherbrianne: yeah
anotherbrianne: that was me on the big cam
soulja2008: ohh
soulja2008: u r sooooooo beautiful
soulja2008: and if u was with me i'll make u da world
soulja2008: u feel me
anotherbrianne: thx
soulja2008: cause i'm a 100% real nigga
anotherbrianne: i'm chinese
soulja2008: i'm not like dem' other fake as niggaz out here
soulja2008: so ur chinese i like dat in a sexy woman (...HUH? LMFAO)
anotherbrianne: hehe thanx
soulja2008: u might have 2be with a real nigga like me dats going to treat u right and spend time with u
anotherbrianne: hows that
soulja2008: i would say this i'm ready to settle down
anotherbrianne: what do you do
soulja2008: with a sexy woman like urself and get 2know dat person and start a relationship with her and take her out 2eat, to da movies and hold her hand wherevere we go (he's so original <3)
soulja2008: i work in a restaurant
soulja2008: doing almost everything
anotherbrianne: what kind of restaurant
soulja2008: luby's
soulja2008: why
anotherbrianne: i don't know what that is
soulja2008: its like da other restaurant's when u cook, serve food, making orders
soulja2008: stuff like dat
soulja2008: do u mine if i call u my baby gurl
soulja2008: u still there
anotherbrianne: i am :)
soulja2008: wat iz ur fav. scary movie
soulja2008: helloooo
anotherbrianne: hmmm
anotherbrianne: i dunno i dont like scary movies
soulja2008: why not
anotherbrianne: i guess i went scared easy
soulja2008: u just need a man like me 2be there with u so whenever u get scared u can just grab hold of me
anotherbrianne: i cant sleep when i watch scary movies hehehe
soulja2008: u wish dat i was there to keep u warm and company
soulja2008: huh
| | | | 92 Views | 10 Thumbs Up | 9 Comments | |
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| | THE MERRIMENT OF LIVESHOW | | | | Sunday, April 27, 2008 (11:47 AM) | | mikeyike: hi cutie
mikeyike: u look bored
anotherbrianne: half of my face is paralyzed
mikeyike: from what?
anotherbrianne: i got shot in the back 2 years ago
mikeyike: oh wow!!!
mikeyike: i am sooo sorry to hear that
mikeyike: :(
mikeyike: what do u do now?
anotherbrianne: that is why i look bored all the time
| | | | 76 Views | 10 Thumbs Up | 9 Comments | |
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| | defeat | | | | Friday, April 4, 2008 (1:50 PM) | | Spur of the moment venting:
When I feel defeated I remind myself to stay strong. Stay strong Brianne! Don't let these fuckers allow you to feel fucking inferior. This is what they think and no matter how wonderful you are, they're gonna think what they think of you.
They're ignoring the crap out of me and when I try to include myself, I receive these eyebrows. Not adams' sexy eyebrows, but judging -unimpressed judging- eyebrows.
Why do they treat eachother the way they treat eachother and then treat me so differently? And no, they are not jealous. they don't find me threatening. They find me an uncouth, ghettofabulous and stupid. I don't deserve their fucking respect. Well, I should deserve it, but they deny me of this and I really shouldn't care, but I do.
I'm not giving up. I don't want you to tell me I'm smart, or strong, or to fuck what they think... I know all these things. I'm just saying that things are difficult and I'm tired. | | | | 91 Views | 16 Thumbs Up | 11 Comments | |
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| | Amy, Syd, Sarah | | | | Sunday, March 30, 2008 (5:44 PM) | | So Amy (BlancheNoE), Syd (LVbiansynic), Sarah (nobodyschild99) and I decided that we would drive up to this mountain and go for an intense hike on this trail called the Grouse Grind (I've gone on it...it is fucking nutzzz). We decide to meet at Sarah's. When I get to her house, Sarah is not ready, so I sit in her living room on these really nice white suede couches around a dark oak coffee table chatting with Amy and Syd.
After the three of us settle down by smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee and reading maps, Amy comments to Syd that she did a good job making that coffee table and I agree, but Syd thinks that she needs to work on levelling (I still don't know what that means). Amy and Syd talk wood a bit while I look around at how beautiful Sarah's house is. When I zone back in to them, Amy is talking about how John (pendragon), asked her to pick him some flowers when we get to the top of the mountain. When she says this, she is smiling into the bottom of her coffee mug, outlining the rim of the mug with her index finger. Syd and I look at eachother and when she pulls out a roll of toilet paper from her Prada bag (why on earth Syd has a Prada bag, I don't know), we both know what we must do. So we do it. Syd and I rip individual squares of toilet paper from the roll and throw them at Amy, who kind of knew this was coming to her. I don't really know what happens then, but Syd shares that last week, she told one of her students to be quiet and get back to work. As a result, this student is carrying some sort of grudge and made an elaborate hate channel against Syd on LV.
The music comes on and we all turn around and look up at the staircase. Sarah is at the top and casually walks down the stairs in her ninja suit. No surprises there.
I don't know why, but we decide to go in two cars. Amy goes in Sarah's car and I go in Syd's car. She drives a really tricked-out sports car (why on earth Syd owns a race car, I don't know) and when I get in the passenger's side, she tells me to buckle-up and hold on because this will be the best ride of my life. Syd drives fast, but safe. Of course, we arrive at the hiking trail first so Syd parks and we walk around the edges of the parking lot. Flowers grow there. Lots of really fucked up looking flowers and Syd is able to tell me the name of each and every single one of them. She also points out the ones that Amy should pluck for John because there are specific meanings to each kind.
Then Sarah and Amy arrive and we decide we must first find a spot in the woods where we can consult another map. There are lots of people in the forest already, starting up the hiking trail, so we have to be quiet, like in highschool... anyway, we find this great wooded area behind a bunch of fir trees.
We never ended up going on that hike, or did we? I don't remember. But I do remember we were all saying the oddest things that didn't add up to a coherent conversation. But, we were there together and somehow, it all made sense in our own context. Kind of like if we all spoke different languages, but from the gestures, the tones and vibes, communication is accomplished.
Good morning. | | | | 90 Views | 18 Thumbs Up | 10 Comments | |
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| | videos to do: | | | Friday, April 25, 2008 (10:58 AM)
(I'm feeling busy) | | august 28: chat about Heidegger (for Margaret)
september 24: take a shot (for Mac and Fred) check
october 5: say "fuck yeah" (for Danny)
december 25: make up a song and sing it (for Syd)
january 13: 5 random facts (for Jim from Annelida)
january 15: crush tag (for justanotherusername)
january 27: 5 random facts (for jon)
february 29: fear tag (for X)
march 6: dare tag (for glad2bhere)
| | | | 72 Views | 9 Thumbs Up | 7 Comments | |
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| | dealing with the online/offline binary | | | | Monday, March 10, 2008 (10:21 AM) | | Yeah, most of you know what my schtick is:
Be yourself, be true and honest and don't compromise out of fear of what others will think, don't be afraid to be vulnerable...
yada yada yada...oh, and of course, I'm a hypocrite for not being able to live up to my schtick at all times, but I try my hardest.
This kind of brings me to the online/offline binary that people have constructed. Like most binaries, I don't buy into it. This is how I see it:
In the context of communities, I am a member of quite a few communities -my participation in them is debatable, but nonetheless, I am a member. To list a few, so that I can draw examples from them:
-livevideo
-livejournal
-UBC (my university)
-my apartment building
-my kid's school
Pretty much on a daily basis, I encounter both familiar and not-so-familiar faces within these communities. In general, I stop and chat with those I know, I acknowledge those who have seen me around and who I see around, and, if it seems tactful, I will introduce myself to those I don't know, but may see more of in the future. Pretty standard right?
Yes. So far, it seems like I'm able to act pretty consistently across the the online/offline border. But people DON'T always act consistently across the online/offline borders. Why? This can be summed up in a few points:
the anonymity of the online world
-it leaves people feeling less accountable for the things they do
OK, but why do these things anyways?
-the norms and etiquette of the offline world generally limit the extent to which people feel comfortable being outgoing and/or rude, therefore, the online world enables people to act in ways that are more unacceptable offline
-it is oftentimes cathartic to tell someone to shut the fuck up, because one doesn't need to be held accountable in the same way that we are held accountable offline
-it is equally cathartic to just let loose and lipsync or reveal your embarrassing secrets in a seemingly "safe" space
All this is exactly what I try to resist. I tell myself, if I would do it online, I should do it offline too. And vice versa. What is happening as a result? Well, I'm becoming more of an asshole and more revealing offline. Haha? But actually, I quite like it.
How to deal with trolls
And by trolls I just mean online-agitators in general. To me, this is someone who acts online in a manner that people are generally not used to offline. There are many great examples of agitators here on livevideo, those who make back-and-forth videos of other users simply to bash them... but what about offline? Let's think of an example:
If I were delivering a presentation of some sort at my university, it would be pretty uncommon for a colleague (either familiar OR unfamiliar) to yell out that I haven't done my research properly or that I like to have penises in my mouth. When I see these sorts of things happening online, I think to myself: What would I do if this happened offline? Well, I would probably give the person an awkward look and think to myself, "That was pretty untactful and rude and I'm not really sure what the point was of going about that in such a manner." AND, I'd probably say that too. So, if confronted with sort of tom-foolery online, that is what I'd do.
and on the flip side, there are also...
People who get trolled
This is kind of controversial in my opinion, so a disclaimer first: Just like no woman "is asking to be raped", no person (I don't think) is asking to be trolled. I say this first because I'm going to say something that people might not like:
Some people are more susceptible to being trolled
I know, I know, it does not justify such things happening to them, but let me explain what I mean, using the example I mentioned before. Imagine I'm delivering a presentation to my university, but instead of do my research and develop a thesis, I stand in front of the class and start bullshitting. I don't deserve to be told that I should have a penis in my mouth, but I know I'd probably be criticized for being such a fool.
BUT, what if I did do my research, and I just deliver the information really poorly? Like I'm boring, or I stutter, or my shirt is too tight? We know what happens if you do that sort of thing online. Is it justified? No. Does it happen anyways? Yup.
The thing I'm trying to say after all this is:
1. Assholes exist everywhere. Deal with it.
2. People who you would enjoy being an asshole to exist everywhere also. Deal with it.
In conclusion, I'd like to say, I'm fucking brilliant. | | | | 154 Views | 36 Thumbs Up | 25 Comments | |
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| | self-righteous soapbox | | | | Friday, March 7, 2008 (8:20 PM) | | I'm surrounded by people who think they are way smarter than they actually are.
Some people might think I'm being conceited to make such a value judgement, but the thing is, I'm not conceited. In fact, I think I'm way stupider that I actually am. So there.
When I get frustrated by what I perceive as others' ignorance or irrationality, do you know what I do? I look inward at this frustration and ask myself, am I being ignorant or irrational in some way to arrive at this perception of others? I am always, yes ALWAYS, able to find some level of ignorance or irrationality in the criticisms that I have of others. Why aren't those who I perceive as fuckwits able to do the same? Must I do it for them? (and sounding the same bell in the last entry, what right do I have?)
Enough with the disclaimers. I'm going to write down what it is that I'm allowing to frustrate me. And then I'll counter myself, for good measure. Because EVERYONE is bias and it frustrates me that people can't be aware of themselves, or their biases.
1. People who (ab)use the letter of the law to make a point. If your morals are based on what is legal/illegal, there is something seriously wrong with your moral reasoning.
counter: How else are people supposed to make points and decisions? Are people supposed to make points on their own opinions? However reasoned one's opinion is, society functions according to the law and the law is the common foundation from which measures of right and wrong can be made.
2. The mothers on America's Next Top Model who are "doing this for their kids". Do it for yourself!
counter: Don't be so selfish. Think of your children first. You have a responsibility to them.
Sorry, I must counter that counter: It isn't selfish. Regardless of whether or not someone is a parent, he/she has the right to try and fulfill their dreams. Of course parents have responsibilities towards their children, but they also have responsibilities towards themselves.
3. I should make a video about number three.
counter: You're never going to get this video done. Just type it out.
| | | | 97 Views | 7 Thumbs Up | 7 Comments | |
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| | putting people in their place | | | | Saturday, February 23, 2008 (3:41 PM) | | | sometimes i want to put people in their place as if i am in the place to do so. | | | | 155 Views | 12 Thumbs Up | 14 Comments | |
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