|
|
 |
|
| | Goldilocks and Someone Else's Boyfriend, | | | Saturday, September 13, 2008 (7:11 PM)
(I'm feeling confused) | | When I was six years old I played Goldilocks when my class did Goldilocks and the Three Bears for the Spring play. It's the story about a girl who very casually steps into someone else's world, sits in their chairs, eats their food and sleeps in their beds. I had no idea that I would be playing that role again later in life, in the spin-off entitled: "Goldilocks and Someone Else's Boyfriend."
Friday Night found me getting primped and ready to go meet up with the guy that will be hence forth known as Owen. According to his text messages from earlier his roommates had friends in town and they were planning on heading to Hollywood to give them a taste of the quintessential LA Night Life. Once they were in Hollywood Owen ditched the group and made his was from Sunset up to my neighbourhood. I left my apartment, opting for kitten heel shoes instead of my normal 4 inchers.
One day at work I wore heels and he was obviously bothered by the fact that I was now taller than him. So, not wanting to be a ball buster, I pulled out my well loved, kitten heel black pointy toed shoes that I practically lived in for all of 2004.
As I slipped my feet into their broken in leather I realised that I must like Owen more than I initially thought if I was willing to leave my brand new Michael Kors sling backs at home. So standing at no more than 5'6, I went off into the night to meet up with Owen somewhere on Hollywood Blvd. We talked on our cells as we walked until eventually we found eachother just in front of Geisha House.
Making our way east we opted for a well known bar, where there was never a line and the drinks were less than $10. It happened to be the very same place that my ex, and his roommates frequented. The chances of running into someone that I knew in general was also very high.
Hollywood was like a small town in that way. Sure enough as soon as we sat down and Owen went to the restroom one waitress came up to me: "Hey girl! How are you?!" and threw her arms around me.Just then a large man walked by and said:
"You know this girl?"
"For sure!"
"Well get her a drink on me."
She informed me that man was the manager and that I should get something double.
So by the time Owen got back I was sitting happilly sipping my double greygoose and cran.
I felt pretty proud of myself.
So far, there were no signs of date-like behaviour. But within moments it started. Casually touching my leg during conversation. Letting me go first through doors. When weaving through crowds, the hand on the small of my back. Over the course of my double greygoose I was pleased to learn that Owen was not a raging sports finatic and enjoyed drinks other than cheap beer.
From there we went to his favourite bar. Where the night continued to unfold perfectly. As he paid for our next round, his having a girlfriend was the farthest thing from my mind until, when we were walking back and his roommates called him to say that they were heading back to their place. So they were gonna come and get him from wherever we were. I realised that they probably knew exactly what was going on with Owen and his Kentucky girlfriend-having ways.
We were at Hollywood and Vine and Owen was still on the phone with his roommate.Just then he spotted them. In a rush we started to cross the street trying to beat the timer as it ticked down from 10 seconds. Owen grabbed my hand a we hurried accross the street laughing and dodging tourists and cars. It was at that moment that I suddenly realised I was in someone else's relationship having a cute moment with a guy that wasn't mine to be cute with. But my stomach did the flip flop thing, when something isn't too hot, or too cold, but just right.
We piled into his roommate's car and there were brief introductions and friendly chatting. Then they dropped me off and Owen and I had a quick goodbye under the watchful eye of his friends.
When I got back up to my apartment I flopped down on my bed and began to wonder how long I could let things go the way they are? Is there a point where I'm obligated to say something?
ie. "I know you have a girlfriend and I've been pretending to not know this whole time."
When it comes to cheating. Is it a 3 way street? The cheater, the cheatee, and the catalyst? And in my case, as the catalyst what is expected of me? Text messages from Owen a few minutes later cleared up any questions as to whether or not he would have tried something had his roommates not been there. Then he said:
-"Did you have fun tonight?"
-"I did."
-"Maybe we can have more of that fun sometime when I don't have roommate bounty hunters searching Hollywood for my whereabouts."
-"I'm sure they were only looking out for your best interests."
I'm not sure what I feel about this whole situation. I do know that I've never been more at ease on a first date before. But at the same time "the other woman" is not a label I'm comfortable with. I don't want to be the "other" woman. I want to be the only woman. But then again, I'm sure Owen's girlfriend would probably prefer the same thing. | | | 22 Views | 0  Thumbs Up | 3 Comments |  |
|
|
| | Scruples ( I need some advice ) | | | Wednesday, July 30, 2008 (9:44 PM)
(I'm feeling confused) | | Recently i've found myself walking the moral fence.
I've found myself extremely attacted to my manager at work. We spark. He makes me laugh. He's smart. My day
is made instantly better if I work with him.
But he's a manager. A major no-no. AND he has a long distance girlf friend back in his home state of Kentucky.
Here's my issue. After hours and hours of flirting and sparking he's not mentioned her once. I only know about her
after spotting her on Facebook. So what am I to do? Clearly he's leaving her out fo stories on purpose. Is it my
job to mention that I know he has a girlfriend when he's making a point of not mentioning her?
And should our relationship progress, (which I think we both hope that it does in some way at least, ) is it my
job to keep him honest?
Aside from all that there are definite rules to dating someone you work with. Especially a manager. That's the
easy rule to follow. It's clear cut and in writing. But what about everything else? I know what the Barney answer
would be to this situation, but is it really that black and white? Will pursuing this in any way make me the
bad guy?
Or should I leave all the moral questions up to him?
It's a question of scruples.
What exactly are the rules?
HELP GUYS!! | | | | 43 Views | 4 Thumbs Up | 2 Comments | |
|
|
| | Patterns Are In | | | Tuesday, July 22, 2008 (2:08 AM)
(I'm feeling content) | |
Yes I'm talking about plaid and argyle but it seems like everyone has a pattern when it comes to relationships.
I guaruntee that you the reader will find that you fall into at least one of these categories.
Pattern 1 - The one where you only fall for people that are totally unattainable. Emotionally, out of your league, in another relationship or distance-wise.
It's delightfully convenient to shut yourself off from ever having to take on the responsibility of a REAL relationship by saying that the one true love of your life is in Spain, or dating someone else, or has commitment isssues.
( Remember: The world keeps spinning, so chase the horizon all you want. You won't catch it.)
Pattern 2 - There's the one where you date the same person in different forms over and over and over again and then wonder why it never works out.
ie. The stoner musician type.
(Remember: The definition of maddness is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result.)
Pattern 3 - Only dating the ridiculously beautiful, handsome, sexy, physically ideal person. Then you get bored when you realise that they're completely
lacking in any kind of character or depth, which let's face it, most normal people develope during that awkward phase of their life when they first came
to terms with their own insecurities.
The rare person that has been beautiful all their life and has been told so, never had to develope any other sides tothemselves. Why bother?
If you find yourself caught in this pattern you may also find that once the initial thrill of dating someone so attractive wears off, that you try and pull personality out of them. Psycho-analysing them, looking for a dark side, or trying to get them to take on interests that really have
no hope of sticking. ie. hiking, painting, or even something as simple as getting them to read books you've read.
(Remember: You can take a Ford Model to McDonald's, but you can't make her eat.)
Pattern 4 - Going through lengthy periods of solitary single-ness, until you meet someone under your ideal circumstances. They meet your strangely
high standards or at least most of them, and then you load the relationshi[ with huge expectations which promptly blow up in your over romantisized face.
Then you begin to convince yourself that everything is as rosey and idilic as your original perception, despite evidence to the contrary.
Also known as putting all your expectations and faith in one basket.
(Remember: Optimism can turn quite easilly into delusion.)
In order to maintain a relationship and make it last do you need to break your pattern?
When a couple actually makes it work, is it because they found that same pattern or at a least a compatible one, in a another person?
OR
Is it because they finally broke their pattern and took a chance on the unfamiliar?
| | | | 48 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
|
|
| | Tee's Step by Step Recovery Program (The final chapter) | | | Thursday, July 10, 2008 (6:04 PM)
(I'm feeling accomplished) | | Week 4 - Closure
Step 1 - Contemplating Contact
This is the week where a certain amount of maturity and personal honesty is required.
When The Boy and I broke it off we decided to let things sit for a while. He said he wouldn't call me until
I was ready and then I could call him. That way all the emotional muckiness could settle and we could see
if we could or wanted to make a friendship work.
I did a lot of soul searching. (hate that saying, but it works.) My friend and roommate was completely
against the idea of contacting him.
My issue was: he's in my life. We run in the same circle. That and the break up was decent as far as break ups go.
At the end of the day, he's still a good guy.
And this way I control the first time we see eachother or speak to each other.
This way I don't dread every party, terrified that he's going to be there.
Plus the more prideful side of me wanted to show him that I was doing more than okay.
I was freaking fabulous.
So one day when I was out running errands I decided to give him a call. I was on my way from the bank to my
favourite music warehouse and in order to do so, I had to walk right by his place of work. So I figured it
made for very breezy casual "hey what's up? just walking by your work and thought i'd pop in and say hi if you
were around."
I went through my contacts list. found his name, being that he had long since been bumped off of speed dial
(a week 1 step in the process) and hit 'call'. While I listened to his call tone "Say" By John Mayer. appropriate.
oy. I willed him not to answer.
"Don't answer. Don't answer. I swear to God if you pick up the phone...."
Sure enough it went to voicemail. And I got to leave the casual breezy message that i had rehersed 100 times
in my head.
I felt like a weight had been lifted. I felt so good. The ball was now in his court.
To celebrate my completion of the 4 weeks. My roommate and I did something we always wanted to do.
(refer to season 4 of FRIENDS where Monica, Phoebe and Rachel don wedding dresses and drink beer all night).
Being a former acting student I had accuired into my wardrobe 2 wedding dresses over the years, so we go dolled
up, made cake, watched Sabrina, and split an 18 pack.
About 2 hours into our night my phone rang.
I felt my stomach drop as I listened to a ring tone I hadn't heard in about a month.
I forgot one of the crucial steps of Week 1. CHANGE THEIR PERSONALIZED RINGTONE!!
My roommate grabbed my phone.
"It's The Boy."
"It's okay. He's calling me back."
"You can't talk to him right now."
"Why not?"
"Uh....LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING!"
*pause*
"Good point."
So I let it go to voicemail. He left a message. My outgoing voicemail message is quite humourous so when I
listened to his message it went a little something like this.
" (laughs) You are such a dork. (laughs) Hey what's up it's _________.
How's it goin'? Sorry I didn't answer before, I wasn't at work actually.
So I didn't get to see you. But it was good to hear your voice.
I was just hanging around the house and my phone was in my room.
But I got your message, and yeah. It was really good to hear your voice.
So I hope you're doing well, and yeah, we'll chat soon.
Have a good night,
bye. "
So there you have it. I think we'll be able to salvage civility out of our breakup. and perhaps down the road
even a friendship.
That's what I had to decide.
Is he the type of person that I can be friends with, without it reminding me of what we no longer have?
When you try and maintain a friendship with an ex, is it based on the fact that you value them as a person
and can honestly see yourselves co-existing non romantically?
OR is it a form of masochism? You just want to be around that person. Even if it hurts.
STEP 2 - Face-to-face Value.
I needed to get out of the apartment on a Tuesday night. I called my best guy friend (hence forth known as TJ)
who had class a couple blocks from my apartment. After he got out of class he called me and said that
a bunch of people from the class The Boy included, were going to go to meet up at a diner in North Hollywood.
I could come if I wanted but, he understood if I wasn't up for it.
I took a moment and decided that I was up for it.
So about 30 minutes later I was having pie with some old friends. No Boy in attendance.
Just as someone said "I guess _______'s not coming." I looked over my shoulder to the door and he walked in.
I smiled and gave a little wave.
I was the last person he was expecting to see. Stunned was written all over his face.
I got a cheap thrill out of the fact that i had thrown him off guard.
"Hey you!"
He said as I stood and we hugged.
"Good to see you!"
Oy.
So the rest of the evening was relatively painless. Aside from the few moments where it couldn't be avoided that
The Boy knows me better than anyone else that was sitting at the table. Little conversational comments that made
me want to say: "Can we please just be indifferent aquaintences and NOT know everything about eachother?"
Things like.
"I'm surprised, you can eat at any other Diner but Mels, Tee."
(knowing that it's my favourite diner.)
He noticed my pink streaks and asked me what made me do that, and I explained (while leaving out crucial details,)
the Karaoke night. and then said that normally I do it for Camp (where I lead every summer) and since I'm not there
I felt like doing it anyway.
To which I got a concerned:
"What? I thought you were going to camp this summer?"
(knowing that it's my favourite thing in the whole wide world.)
To which I explained that i was going in august.
To which he replied.
"Oh right because it lines up with your friend's wedding."
oy.
Aside from those minor hicchups, the night went well. When The Boy decided to call it a night he came over to
me and I stood to hug him again, and he said. "Seriously, I really like your hair. It looks really good."
And that was that.
I survived. The foundation for a friendship has been laid and it is completely possible. I later explained to TJ
that seeing _______ again on this night ended being quite appropriate being that is had been a month since we had broken up and strangely enough also a day that would have been our anniversary, had we not broken up.
If I could survive seeing him with all of that on my mind. I'm good to go.
I have successfully completed the 4 week, step by step process and will give it rave reviews and recommend it
to anyone and everyone.
The only thing left is to start dating someone else before The Boy does.
The best part of moving on after you've been dumped is rubbing it in the face of the dumper that you've done it
and couldn't be happier. | | | | 56 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment | |
|
|
| | Tee's Step by Step Recovery program. (Part II) | | | Tuesday, July 8, 2008 (9:09 PM)
(I'm feeling accomplished) | | Week 3 - Act out and acting up.
Clearing the hurdles of week 1 and 2, I now found myself on the home stretch.
At first it's hard to picture your life without that certain person. Even if the length of your relationship
wasn't what would be usually marked with some sort of greeting card or special day, if you let someone in your
life and there are real feelings involved who's to say what is and is not a significant relationship?
Hence the need for a step by step recovery program.
Week 3 is all about claiming your single self. Do things that are different. Think outside the box. Take chances.
Make choices that you'd under normal circumstances you may regret but in this instance, it just feels good.
But first, a little background info
Halfway through week 1 it was my proud duty to host a huge fundraising party for the theatre company
that I'm involved with. At around 11:30 I was hopping in a car to go do the 2nd beer run of night.
As I crossed the lawn in my party hosting finest I passed a very familiar floppy head of hair.
I thought perhaps my eyes were thrown by my lack of night vision.
Before I climbed into the driver's seat, I went to up my good guy friend who was manning the door
and giving out the wristbands. He was standing talking to the floppy haired mystery guy who turned out
to be my one-nighter from a few months earlier.
There he was. Still Texan. Still short. and checking me out.
It was awkward. He had made several attempts to get in contact with me. All of which I ignored.
I said a quick: "Hey!" Then told my friend Sam that I was taking his car because we were running low on supplies
again. He handed me some cash from the cover charge funds and then as I walked away my little texan friend
called after me, and handed me a twenty. Wanting to contribute to the fundraiser. I could have taken that another
way. But I knew it was sincere.
By the end of the night I had been trapped into conversation with him at least 3 times. And before I knew
it I was agreeing to let him take me out. Because he "wanted to get to know me better."
Which brings us to the start of Week 3.
Step 1 - rebound.
I had been playing texting tag with the Texan now known as Cody, ever since the party.
One night I was feeling a little bored and a little restless after work.
One of those times where regardless of what happens you just feel like being around of straight male.
Plus i figured I couldn't avoid him or drag him along forever.
But when he offered to come by my apartment and pick me up I decided that I needed to play this off as not a date.
I changed out of a much cuter outfit that I had been wearing all day and put on jeans and a hoodie.
By this time it was 11:30 so I didn't think that this *ahem* outing with Cody was going to be much different
than the first time I hung out with him. When I went down to his car, he got out, hugged me and opened the
car door for me.
uh oh. this was an actual date.
We made the usual small chat about what we felt like doing. I figured it would eventually disolve to just
going back to his place but then he looked over at me and said:
"How about the beach?"
I paused, and reflected.
How many times had I tried to get The Boy to do something, anything spontaneous? It was like pulling teeth.
The most impulsive thing I ever got him to do was go to In and Out and get milkshakes at midnight. We then listened
to humourous parody songs on his i-pod.
Moment of relfection over,
I looked over at Cody and smiled.
"The beach would be.... good"
"Cool, which one?"
" Uh.... pft. Malibu?"
"Sounds great."
And with that we got on the 405 North. And the rest of the night unfolded almost perfectly. Will enter the books
as one of the best dates I've ever been on.
Had I been with a guy a really liked I would have swooned.
It's probably better this way.
It's too soon to swoon.
Cody is by no means someone I can see myself with. But knowing that I had gone out with another guy and had a great
time a mere 15 days after my break up felt pretty darn good.
Step 2 - Do something you've never done before.
Another part of my personal healing process came when a brand new diner opened up a few block from my apartment.
The timing could not have been more perfect. My former favourite diner that used to be my safe haven was now
tainted. It was the location of my first date with The Boy.
That being said I haven't darkened it's door since.
So the night after my latenight beach adventure I was sharing some highly over priced drinks with my homosexual
none romantic life partner. Also known as the gay best friend. By $12 drink number 2 we decided our wallets
couldn't take this beating. So we paid the check and stepped out into the night. We were in search of a cheaper
watering hole. We found ourselves at the grossest gay bar I have ever been in. But it had one thing the other
places didn't.
$5 drinks.
and
karaoke.
After the right amount of vodkas and crans my friend and I coaxed eachother into signing up for karaoke.
the clientelle belted out off key versions of the Cure and Simon and Garfunkle. My associate and I strutted up to
the mic and belted out "Good Morning Baltimore" from Hairspray. Upon holding the last note for the full 12 counts
we dropped the mics and ran out of the bar in hysterics, as all the patrons gaves us a standing ovation.
Step 3 - Alter your physical appearence.
This is probably the most questionable step in the recovery process. But there is something so empowering about
doing something to change yourself that is blatantly obvious. You immiediately break at least one form of
association that you have with your former significant person.
ie. When we were dating I had long hair but now I don't.
Changing your physical appearence can also be a huge confidence booster. In my case I needed to do something
that seemed a little extreme as comapred to the girl that used to date The Boy. So by 2am on the same night
of my karaoke debut I had fabulous pink streaks in my hair. circa christine aguilara, "come on over".
By the end of week 3 I had several great stories to tell, a new look and a new bounce in my step. All this
positivity was going to be needed for Week 4.
| | | | 43 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
|
|
| | Tee's step by step recovery program | | | Monday, June 16, 2008 (4:37 PM)
(I'm feeling busy) | | One of my favourite TV characters once said "it takes half the total time you dated someone to get over them."
ouch.
I feel bad for people trying to recover from long relationships.
Here's a little progress report.
WEEK 1 - Apathy.
The key was to pretend like nothing had happened. Don't scour old pictures. Delete all traces of that person from your computer and apartment. And most importantly: STAY BUSY. None of this was hard for me. I've was embracing having my old life back. Which meant, more time listening to my favourite bad music as loudly as possible and rediscovering old habits that my relationship with The Boy didn't allow or make room for.
ie. smoking, (dirty discussing and dangerous habit) energy drink consuming, and staying up till the wee hours of the morning gossiping to my freinds while tagging things i like in fashion mags.
But most importantly: STAYING BUSY.
I've been working as a producer for an upcoming production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. This show has become the significant other in my life and I'm loving. Going to rehersals planning photo shoots, and talking to our publisist helped me sail through week one relatively unscathed.
Week 2 - Anger
I've almsot reached the end of the second week and the thoughts plaguing my mind have been mostly ones of resentment and frustration.
I find myself angry about the fact that even at the bitter end he couldn't give me a reason why he was ending the relationship, so I can't help but think of him as a coward running away from a potentionally good situtation because he's a scared little boy. He couldn't muster up the strength to fight for us.
Resentment that it took so much for me to make this relationship work. I had to force myself to trust him. I had to get rid of my baggage and give myself and us a fresh start. I did all this in favour of giving us a fighting chance. And at the first sign of things not being %100 (and without explanation as to why they're not) he pulls the plug.
While I'm walking to work or lying in my bed at night I have fake confrontations with him in my head in which i say the exact thing that will put him in his place exactly how i want to say it. Usually involving insults about him being an overparticular control freak who can't handle anything that he can't schedule or put in his day-book. (ugh. freakin' Virgos.) ie. a relationship.
My favourite one is:
"Go lie in your twin bed you damn coward. I hope your To-Do list keeps you warm at night."
wow. even typing that felt amazing.
So I'll keep you posted as the weeks role by.
| | | | 67 Views | 2 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment | |
|
|
| | Self induced amnesia | | | Thursday, May 29, 2008 (9:44 PM)
(I'm feeling annoyed) | | (How girls are after/during break ups)
Now into day 2 of being put on hiatus from The Boy, I was sitting in the terminal at LAX waiting to board my flight home. The timing of this long weekend was extremely convenient. It gave him the distance from me that he apparently needed, in order figure out what was causing his inner turmoil and it gave me a distraction and something to look forward to while he decided if he could tough out a relationship with me.
I was doing surprisingly well considering…
I barely allowed myself to think about him except for those few unexpected moments that crept up on me.
While doing some last minute packing, which required some digging around in my massive closet, I was rooting through a pile of laundry in search of my favourite leggings when I discovered his oversized Old Navy sweater.
I don’t know which was more upsetting, the way my stomach dropped at the thought of my relationship with him being practically over, or the fact that I was dating a guy who wore Old Navy.
I folded it up into a tight little ball, and threw into the back of my closet.
Later on I was trying to decide on how many t-shirts were too many to bring when I grabbed my favourite snarky saying T which read “a little blonde goes a long way” that was hanging off the back of my favourite red chair.
And like that first pang a few moments earlier I realized that the last time I wore this it was The Boy that had pulled it off over my head and thrown it across the room. (T.M.I.?) Then subsequently hung it over the back of my chair neatly along with my jeans and his clothes while I was in the bathroom. Later that night I would gently tease him about his neat freak tendencies.
Instead of torturing myself a second longer I rolled it into a ball and tossed it into my laundry hamper.
I wasn't about to risk it possibly smelling like him.
(yes guys....this is how girls are during a break up.)
I realized that in order for me to move ahead as quickly as possible I needed to take drastic action.
I immediately went to my favourite internet playlist site and deleted any music that I would associate directly with him.
I went to my hotmail account which he had used before and clicked the ironically named “forget me” option under his e-mail address on the sign in menu.
It seemed suddenly crucial to erase any reminder of the past two months. The break up isn't even official yet. But I'm not wasting any time starting the cleansing / moving on process. I don’t even have a picture of us together. So aside from the balled up oversized Old Navy sweater that is currently occupying the back of my closet, it’s almost as though the relationship never happened.
| | | | 75 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment | |
|
|
| | At world's end... | | | Monday, May 26, 2008 (10:44 PM)
(I'm feeling weird) | | Girls are the more intuitive sex. This is no big secret.
So when The Boy started acting differently this past weekend I knew something was up. It was little things. The "hello" kiss in the morning wasn't there. His way of relating to me was completely different and distant. I had decided that I would bring up the subject depending on how or if he called or texted today.
So when I got a simple text this afternoon saying "what are you up to?" I knew we were going to have a talk and then things would be over. Or almost over.
He came over to my apartment and after 2 minutes of pleasant conversation he asked: "How are you doing?" to which I replied: "I'm fine, but something's up with you."
Then for almost an hour I sat across from him while his eyes slowly turned red and listened to him say how
"Something hasn't been right lately..."
and how
"It's nothing to do with you...."
and how he
"doesn't know what's wrong...."
but he
"wanted to be honest with me...."
because he
"doesn't want to let go of a good thing..."
I asked if it was something as simple as he the fact that he wasn't attracted to me anymore and was just over it.
To which he assured me that it was nothing like that.
The Boy and I have very limited relationship experience. This whole time we've been figuring things out together. Learning how to be a duo.
I have my world that I've built up. A lot of people have been in relationships since highschool. They leave one, they enter another. A lot of who they are and what they do gets defined by who they're with. This is not something that most people readily admit. But it's true never the less. I've seen it over and over.
But with me, I've never been a duo. My world is made up of exactly what I want in it.
The Boy is the exact same way.
So for him, having me thrown into the equation has throw off his precious routine.
He was sitting across from me, confused, hurt by his own confusion, afraid of hurting me. And all I could tell him was that I didn't
"like seeing him like this..."
because
"it's not like (you)"
Relationships work when you can make room for someone else in your world or when your two worlds can co-exist.
Right now The Boy felt like he wasn't being the boyfriend that I deserved and until he could figure out why, he needed to take a step back. But he didn't want to drag me along or have me go home this week (I'm going back home for a visit for 5 days) thinking everything was fine and have me maybe tell my friend/family about us and then come back and have the rug pulled out from under me. But he didn't want to send me home hurt either.
He said we'd talk again on Tuesday when I got back.
The more we sat there the more I realised that he was taking this harder than I was, even though technically he was the one doing the almost dumping. I assured him I was going to be fine. I was going home and I was going to have a fabulous weekend with my friends and family. He could call me sooner if he wanted to but if not we'd talk on Tuesday. When he left he came over to me, wrapped his arms around me, kissed the top of my head and told me how much he appreciated how understanding I was being. He told me to have fun at home and not to get too drunk with my family.
(I promise nothing.)
The truth was I knew that if this were to be it, I'd have my world & my life, which I loved, with or without him.
Really, that's what's important. Create your world with everything you want in it and make it exactly what you've always mused over in your imagination. For me that means, fabulous friends, laughter, music, travel, fashion, art and adventure. Cherish it and protect it. That way if you let someone into your world the way you do in a relationship and then they decide not to be a part of it anymore you still know who are and what's important to you.
Because there nothing worse than abandoning the homeland that you created to pursue new worlds and new horizons and have the ship sink leaving you without a way back to where you came from.
| | | | 65 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
|
|
| | Bend and Flex | | | Saturday, May 3, 2008 (5:13 PM)
(I'm feeling restless) | | In a relationship (especially new ones) there is a certain amount of push/pull involved. The song and dance of trying to figure the other person out.
Where their limits are.
What pisses them off.
The weird things they do that they would normally hide from others but that you're lucky enough to be privy to.
and of course,
Establishing the level of which you can truly be yourself.
I had been seeing The Boy for about three weeks when one night we did the normal new couple routine of calling eachother to see what the other person was up to. Not yet being at the place where you can safely assume that if the other person is free that they'll be spending time with you. Or yet at the stage of using the boyrfriend/girlfriend labels.
He said that he could come get me and that we could hang out at his place or go somewhere. I asked him what he was doing right now.
He was watching the hockey game.
AH HA.
This was my chance. My golden opportunity to paint myself as a laid back low maintainence kind of gal. My first official act as his unofficial girlfriend would be to suggest that we not go anywhere, but instead stay in and watch the hockey game.
I don't like sports.
I keep that to myself.
As I sat there with him watching padded men slam eachother into the boards I got to thinking about compromise in relationships. When you tuck away, bend, or alter little parts of yourself to make for a better fit with the other person. But how far can you go with that until you aren't being true to yourself. Not that watching a hockey game is a big sacrifice, of course.
But when trying to make a relationship work, how far can you bend before you risk breaking?
When does compromise become compromising?
| | | | 75 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment | |
|
|
| | What's trust got to do with it? | | | Monday, April 21, 2008 (2:28 AM)
(I'm feeling nervous) | | Trust.
Such a loaded word.
And one that's been on my mind lately.
Being a single 20 something gal in a modern world requires a whole lot of armor. (ladies. can I get an amen?) lol.
So what happens when you meet someone that makes you want to get rid of some of that armor.
In my case my armor is made up of sarcasm, wit, nice shoes, and my ability to make jokes in order to change the subject.
Tonight *Ben* said that I don't tell him anything. As in I don't share with him what I'm thinking. Firstly not true I tell him a lot. But when we're driving somewhere and I'm looking out the window and he asks me what I'm thinking am I supposed to tell him literally where my exact thoughts were???? uh. NO. Sorry.
And guys, you may be saying, why not?
and here's why.
Girl's minds race at a million miles a second. We have several trains of thought all running on different tracks all at once.
So if I were to honestly tell him what I was thinking it would probably freak him out so badly that he wouldn't know what to say or do.
I don't TRUST that answering such questions honestly won't result in damaging a good thing that we may have going.
In a way I feel bad because it's not his fault that I've been forced to develope this armor because of past battles and run in's with guys that I made the mistake of TRUSTing too quickly.
Everyone brings baggage to the table when starting a relationship. The key is to pack as lightly as possible and put it in a cute carry on suitcase.
The TRUST issue is just my particular brand of baggage.
It's unfair, that *Ben* deserves my TRUST. He only wants to know where my thoughts are, what I'm musing over when i'm quietly sipping my coffee, I should be so lucky to have a guy care that much.
Usually I say exactly what I want to say when I want to say it. And now all of a sudden I've become very protective of my thoughts, as though they were a diary.
Let's hope his patience doesn't run out.
| | | | 79 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
