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| | moving on and on |  |  | | Thursday, April 24, 2008 (4:30 PM) |  | | my house is on the market, and I can't wait to leave...I promised Kitty peace and tranquility, birdie's voices clearly heard, fresh, clean air, and flowers and trees....and each day as I leave for work, I glance at her for one last moment of blinks, feeling so blessed by her presence in my life, and knowing I can't let her down...it's the least I can do for both of us, weary of the sound of cars and trucks rushing past the buildings...I am eager to plant flowers and trees...my buyer is looking for me as much as I am looking for her/him, and in God's time the contracts will be signed, and I will be free, and I really can't wait... |  |  | 84 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments |  |
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| | the power of one |  |  | | Sunday, April 6, 2008 (3:38 PM) |  | | it amazes me how much I have accomplished by myself...I've removed wallpaper, scrubbed paste, primed and painted two baths (one twice), a kitchen and two bedrooms with an $8 step stool from WalMart, and gallons of paint from my best friend Ben Moore...and lastly I'm waiting for the patching to dry around the casing of my kitchen windows (why would someone wallpaper there??) so I can dip my brush, for the last time, into a can of Dove White, and let this 600 pound gorilla off my back.... What next? Listing for sale. There's no such thing as working this hard and enjoying the result (a metaphor for my life?)...I've promised KCB a home where we can hear the birdies and tree frogs, and have a yard to plant flowers and enjoy God's beauty. But will I have to pay the price yet again, painting and patching and always thinking "I need to get this done"? There are always options, I've learned, and the time has arrived to explore mine... |  |  | 147 Views | 2 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment |  |
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| | this makes me smile |  |  | | Thursday, April 3, 2008 (7:00 PM) |  | have you ever experienced a scent for the first time in awhile and found yourself transported back in time?
opening a well-familiar can of hazlenut coffee I was stunned by the aroma, and instantly I felt tears well up...standing in the kitchen with that beautiful tree outside the window over the sink...loving hands delivering a hot mug filled with liquid gold, with a banana and yogurt to my bedside, and me feeling so cared for and cared about...
if I were to turn back time, what would I have done differently? the difference between being controlling and allowing God to lead the way makes all the difference in the world...on one hand, believing God wishes the best for us, whatever that will be, versus forcing something into being what is most desired is quite painful, and the opposite of God's will...
allowing God to do His work in my life has been a relief for me...attending to the moments when I realize I'm forcing a situation into being, seeing the consequences will be unfavorable, and reminding myself to let go so He may pour His blessings on me
it means the end of a lifetime of bad decisions, heartache, lost time and missed opportunities for sharing my blessings with others
it's staggering how much I have learned and grown, and being transported back into that time always brings a smile to my face, with so many incredible moments and memories, and now wishing things could have been different so it could have worked out, and now praying for God's will in all of our lives |  |  | 143 Views | 4 Thumbs Up | 2 Comments |  |
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| | Learn to fly a helicopter?? |  |  | | Monday, March 31, 2008 (3:49 PM) |  | is it possible to want to learn to do too many things? my fascination with helicopters began as a kid, my grandfather taking me to a local airport -which was general avaition at the time- and we watched the helicopters take off and land...whirlybirds, he called them. i miss him so much...
fast forward to my late twenties, I'm living in Michigan and my friends are either pilots or people working for local aviation companies, and my first helicopter ride is with a man who was with the Airborne division, flew chinooks in viet nam. He owned a small helicopter and was paid to take an aerial photographer up weekly ... he was at a local county fair and asked me if I wanted to go up...the doors were off and I was brave...I'm very scared of heights, but this was such a rush...
his claim to fame, was in the 70s he was chartered to take a guy up to view property, and soon he had a knife at his throat, forced to land inside the grounds of Jackson State prison. the story had a good ending, but how scary is that?!
so I've been up in a Bell jet ranger twice, and was sold on the idea of learning to fly one myself...so much is sensitive touch, handling the controls. then I met someone who flew twin engine planes, reminding me that if there's engine trouble, helicopters drop like rocks, while if an engine fails on a twin, you have the other one, and failing that, the thing glides, and you pray there's a place to set it down...but a good pilot always has a contingency runway, sooo I gave my ground school material away and that's the end of my whirlybird story... |  |  | 136 Views | 2 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment |  |
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| | Curiosity did not kill the cat... |  |  | | Friday, March 28, 2008 (5:42 PM) |  | my curiosity has brought opportunities to learn about others and have experiences that I am thankful for...and Friday nights I am reminded of shabbas and the months I spent learning about Judiasm, learning Hebrew, and the Old Testament...I took beginning Mandarin, very cool, and not as difficult as one might anticipate...seven years of Spanish, high school into college...and I have been learning beginning Cat and that's really something...did you know cats will slowly blink their eyes when they are feeling content? And if you return the blinks, they'll engage with you? KCB is very vocal, not loudly or obnoxiously so, but her sounds all have meaning. When she is trying to make a point, she'll say 'wow', and when she is irritated that the Friskies can takes time to open, she'll repeat 'wrah'. I think I've been hanging out with her too much....meow |  |  | 157 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment |  |
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| | An answered prayer |  |  | | Tuesday, March 25, 2008 (6:05 PM) |  | I am grateful for the Lord coming into my life when He did. In retrospect I can see clearly the puzzle pieces and how one led to another and another, each being a conversation, or a friendship, or a relationship, an experience, and they all roll up to the blessings in this life I'm living today.
He answers my prayers, in His own time. For two years I prayed for His guidance, to show me where He wanted me to live, and what sort of job I should seek. After days and weeks of house and job hunting online, one morning on my way to work He said, Be still. All of a sudden I felt an absence of pressure and a feeling of peace. He always has everything in control. It was clear I needed to stop searching and thinking and being concerned about time and income and where I should live next, and to just ... Be Still.
I continued to pray for a new job; the group I was with was a private investment firm, but my innermost happiness is based on knowing I'm contributing in some way to improving people's lives. I prayed every day, each way, God, please put a job in my path that is closer to home (I had to Be Still on wherever home was to be) and one that is dedicated to improving people's lives. One night an email arrived and it was for a job I was perfectly qualified for with a company ten minutes away from my current home having a mission statement containing the words "improving life, improving people's lives". I've been there for two months, and every day I thank Him on the way in and returning home, for guiding me there. He does answer prayers.
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| | Remembering Big Red |  |  | Wednesday, March 19, 2008 (4:13 PM) (I'm feeling thoughtful) |  | Two years ago today...there are relationships that dim as time goes by, and then there is one leaving a lasting, permanent effect, that time doesn't dissipate...many mixed emotions always, hurt, disappointment, sorrow, flawed judgment...but I trusted you and felt completely protected, and today still, I am on the back and you are going too fast, and the corner is too sharp, and you skidded and fell hard, and I stayed on, so you fell on me and help took so long to arrive, all I wanted to do was close my eyes, but they wouldn't let me...I've never been as scared in my life, and I wish that day I had said no, you go ahead, I'll ride another day...but I was a part of Big Red and he was a part of me...the safest of all bikes because of who he was...afterward I never was the same...trust is so fragile, and I trusted to start and never once doubted...please don't let anyone ride again...the seat is cold and I'm not there...my fingers remember the buckles on the saddlebags and so much more...God Bless you and keep you safe forever more,
BG |  |  | 138 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments |  |
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| | that list of things to do.... |  |  | Sunday, March 9, 2008 (9:51 AM) (I'm feeling lazy) |  | why is it, when the weekend arrives, the list of to-do-s from the week seem insurmountable? every week I wish I had taken care of something over the weekend...like reinstalling towel racks in my half bath, or touching up the paint in the front bedroom and removing the blue tape, or sorting through the endless pile of mail, or ironing shirts I never wear because they require ironing...and the list goes on and on...and now the thought of preparing income taxes is hurting my head...I need to feel organized, and it never seems to happen...these are the times I wish I had Kitty's life, her concerns, but then again, she can't drive, and that counts for something.
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| | where do we go from here??? |  |  | Thursday, March 6, 2008 (5:16 PM) (I'm feeling pensive) |  | | just some random thoughts...coming up on the second anniversary of the bike wreck, and nothing has changed with my leg...I'm learning to live with less than what I had, but no complaints...could have ended up with no leg at all...God is present and caring and knows my heart....love everlasting...my mother would say, "never go back" tho it has been tempting, but I deserve so much more...there is no knght in shining armour, but I believe the best is saved for the last...making each day count, and now my work is not all in vain...God has answered so many of my prayers...life for me is about keeping the faith, and so it goes... |  |  | 125 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments |  |
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