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| | Been Talking To The Neighbor Kids | | | Friday, October 3, 2008 (8:15 PM)
(I'm feeling accomplished) | | Just a update on things on my block. This week I have been doing something positive for the kids next door. Each day I have been giving them our classifieds. I circled some interesting jobs or those that I believed the boys would actually go and apply for. Today I did it in Orange sharpie, Orange for opportunity, Cash and unblocking obsticals. But I can't say I did it with forethought. Only after they had come back from a job interview that looks promising did I say anything. Really I had not thought much about it other than helping them. They have had little opportunity with little luck most if not all their lives. They lived with abuse and anger most of it actually. Well having had a bunch of my own and turned it around for myself. I had to try and help them. So I did something good for those kids. They know not to mess with either one of us, My husband, myself or anything on my property. But maybe that is what they did need. Some one to show them a good, honest and happy path. From someone that had to fight for it. Maybe I can help them. I haven't given money because we have none to give but we have fed them a few times and been there to listen when they ask. Us having done that gives me a feeling I can't describe! My heart is full and my soul is now free of excess baggage. Freedom isn't free unless your heart and soul are. Mine is. Here is hoping that those kids can get on the right path and stay on it. I am really praying for that.
Oh and also, It was part of my dedication. I was supposed to take that today but have been asked to hold off until Halloween. This year has all been a part of that. I'll explain in detail when I get the words and figure out fully. Many Blessings to all I do love my family here on LV! You ROCK! | | | 8 Views | 2  Thumbs Up | 1 Comment |  |
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| | A Very Happy Birthday For Me! | | | Sunday, September 28, 2008 (6:14 PM)
(I'm feeling happy) | | I just wanted to say thank you my LV friends for your notes gifts and well wishes for me on my Birthday! It's been a great day and I have heard from many people IRL and here on LV. I figure without friends there is really no life. For years I didn't believe this. I sure do now!
I woke up early to see a brilliant orange and red sunrise! I thought to myself. This day is going to be perfect and it has really been happiness in a bottle for me. I had coffee and got on here and put that it was my birthday on bulletines. I was shocked at all the kindness and very flattered at the gifts. Mostly though I was humbled. I haven't had a good summer but that is all behind me now. No more negative hopefully. I wont stand for it now. I guess what happened is I got enough of that and started being Rose again......yesterday when hubbie James took me to Dallas for India Indian Food. That is always cleansing in more ways than one. I'll do a video on that soon. Anyway we went to a metaphysical store we frequent and found some stuff. Candles, Insense and some beads for me to make a necklace. We also found a citrine geode. Citrine is a mineral/rock that brings prosperity and is gold/yellow in color. Like everyone now a days here in the US we are having trouble. But, I'm sure that will stop soon. I feel a wind of change for all of us soon and it will be good! I'm positive on that too. Anyway we will put that in Lay a way and get it out before Christmas/Yule. Then we got to go to Movie Trading company. We bought some movies for little of nothing. I got Namesake and Distrubia. James got Beowulf. The one that was animated. It's good but no for kids I would say. Then we came home and watched movies and spent some time together. It was lovely actually! Plus today was quiet, happy and the food, Lamb, tators, and a wonderful dessert my mother in law made Strawberries, Angelfood cake and pudding with cool whip marvelous!
The energy is changing and to make it positive we all must think positive on the election here. Push light and not darkness to the changing things here and abroad. Pray for each other and love and treat each other as we would be treated. I still believe that some things are just right and other wrong. I might be earth based now but Jesus had something saying that golden rule. I still believe in that. I still believe much of what I was taught. Just in a different way. Anyway, I love you all and thank you for making my 45th birthday one that I will remember with love, light and happiness in years to come. Many Blessings to you all I am humbled by your well wishes. May we all continue to love each other, respect each other and stay in our own light and let that light flow to others! | | | | 18 Views | 10 Thumbs Up | 5 Comments | |
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| | 911 In Real Life | | | Sunday, September 21, 2008 (11:54 AM)
(I'm feeling pensive) | | Late on Sept. 17 going into the 18th, my husband and I were forced to call 911 because of a fight next door between kids that have been giving us hell since May. I realized then, we were living in not only a combat zone but Gitmo. This is a quite neighborhood. I have lived here 20 years come Halloween with no problems with my neighbors. That is until last year when our old neighbors sold their house and sold it to hooligans. I don't mean the kind that are good either. For months we were awakened in the middle of the night to people cussing, talking loud and wild parties that included fighting drinking and such. Because of my abuse long ago, I became afarid and resorted too old behavior. I have sense stopped that shit.
As many of you know I'm a witch. I take care of me and mine with protection for the house and the occupants inside human and animal and property outside and in. I had to have help with all of this. Thank the Goddess that I'm prevvy to some awesome people. Magickal and non magickal that have been helpful to me. Anyway, for months our sleep has been non exisistant. Until I bought a pair of ear plugs I didn't get any sleep and was right on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
When we called 911 I belived someone was going to be seriously injured. 5 cop cars including narcotics officers were dispatched. My husband and I watched in horror as the lights flickered red and blue on our once quiet street. I said a prayer for the officers and the kids too. It is my fear I'm going to see someone over there die because of the negative energy present. I just want peace. It was the first time in my life that I had to involk 911. I know it will not be the last time. Even when I lived with an abusive second husband I never had that happen. One, I was too afraid to call. Two, I was never left in a state I could call. But that was over 20 years ago and in the past. It needs to stay there. I guess I am going to have to put that toward all this and keep it where it belongs. These kids have been given to much responseibillty too soon for their age. The father has been put in rehab and is due out but will not be around for about 4 months more. The oldest has a third DWI hearing soon and I feel he will be joining his father in rehab. Which he desperatly needs. Actually I believe he needs more help than that. I believe that there is something seriously mentally wrong with the boy. The youngest, my peanut butter cookie friend. Needs to put as many miles as he can and get out of here before something serious happens to him. Some things have. He was beaten the other night in the fight. It tore my heart out.....motherly insticts there. Can't hide them nor igonre them any longer.
Anyway after all that no one was arrested and they didn't find drugs. Sorry state of affairs for our police department. But, I know they had to have probable cause. Then the next day not 12 hours after two more patrol cars were blaring the lights again on the street! Yeah.......more shit but we didn't call this time. I have no idea why nor really do I wish to know why. No one was hauled off then either. Then came Friday night and more shit. We didn't call then either. They were warned that the next time they distrubed the peace someone if not all would go to jail. It was the third time. Ok so when is this all going to end you ask? I have no idea. I'm just hoping soon so I can return here and to my life. It was a nice quite life with positive energy and happiness. Until you loose something like I had you do not appriecate it. It was a dull boring and uninteresting life but I had positive and balance and hope that something was going to happen to make things better and richer for me and my husband. I still have hope that this all will return with hind sight at 20/20 there.
I will say that after all this the boys are asking for our help and advice. I'm willing to accept this for now. Taking it like a 12 step program here. One day at a time. I know it's not going to last but......in order to be who and what I am I must try. I must entain the possibility of positive outcome. I've been asked to play a roll. But I'm going to work mostly by myself to push positive to the situation. I have been loading negative back to them. This is what caused all this and for that I am sorry and at fault. Cause and effect.....what you put out comes back to you. It's called Karma and it did run over my dogma for a while. This is a cautious venture. I am keeping my eyes and ears open. There has been an appology from them. So that is the first step. Please pray for peace for me and my neighborhood. We all need it badly including the one's that are lost. The Lost Boys next door. I do mean that in the Peter Pan way not the Vampire way. Although for a while I was wondering.
I had to wait until the LVO was over. This is one reason I didn't join in, watch videos or was here very long. I had a pressing matter to attend too. I feel like Jim is probably up to his eyeballs in crap himself. I do not believe he or anyone else in his family is injured or.......anyway. If I felt this in any shape or form I would say so. But please be mindful of him and everyone that lost property. Ultimatley, I am here for my friends. But I could use some prayers right now. Positive energy too on this. Plus I am pushing some positive energy and healing down south to Jim and everyone effected down there. Much Peace, love and light to you all. | | | | 34 Views | 16 Thumbs Up | 10 Comments | |
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| | More Bad News But More to Think Out | | | Wednesday, September 10, 2008 (4:53 PM)
(I'm feeling aggravated) | | I'm on Bioidenticals for my menopause. They are made from plant hormone extracts and closest to human you can get. I found out today that the FDA (Fucking Dumb Asses) has put a ban on them! Why, you ask? Because the government isn't getting money and the drug companies aren't getting a cut of it! My doc told me the bad news today. Ok, so I'm used to adversity. A little more than some I suppose. It made me angery that the only thing between me and sanity and balance is my friggin government! Ok so what the hell do I do now? I've been in messes far worse than this. For now I'm going to get less of the estridol which is the main compound in Bioidenticals. But I do have smarts enough in herbal medicine and can work something out with other things. Estroven for instance kept me ok until I got on bioidenticals. Two different things but do the practically the same thing. I guess I'm going to have to do some real study if I am to save my own ass on this one. I told my doc that I would find a way around this. She said, I know you will and when you do let me in on it.
Ok, So I get the progesterone. Great. Less estridol. I don't know how my brain is going to compensate but I'm not taking that sythetic shit the drug companies make. Too much breast and uterine cancer. No way am I going to do that! I saw my best friend's mother suffer and die recently of breast cancer. I'm not going to do what my grandmother did and tough it out. I really don't know how she made it though. She was a tough old gal though. Unfortunantly I'm not the same in that area. Anyway, I'm going to have to start fighting with herbs now......until they ban them I guess and then.....I'll grow them. I'm learning to grow herbs anyway. I'm learning what herb for what ailment. Time to get cracking looks like. If anyone knows any herbalists I can talk to on this I would sure appreciate it.
I'm not going down without a fight. I'm just pissed right now. Having had sanity or as much as I ever wanted and this shit happens. There has to be a way around or though it. I have to find it and I hope I find the answer quickly. So I could still use your prayers. Many Blessings to you all and Thank you for putting up with me. | | | | 29 Views | 6 Thumbs Up | 3 Comments | |
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| | I Desire Prayers | | | Monday, September 8, 2008 (9:50 PM)
(I'm feeling drained) | | | I haven't been on here much only to check messages and watch a few videos the last few weeks. I'm just staying out of the way and not allow my negative thoughts to screw up LV anymore than it is. I'm struggling still and it's worse. Life in general sucks. I'm standing still and I hate it. I have problems I can't even begin to discuss! I'm only going to say I can't find Rose anywhere right now. I try not to complain, cause drama, or discord anywhere. That is not my goal here. But I desire my friends to please pray for me. I want my life back. I want to feel like I did earlier this year. Full of our Creator and feeling like I'm not taking up space and air again. I know my life has a purpose. I know this is not like me, the me I want to be and have been. To say I'm depressed would be a total understatement right now. I'm still fighting however and after I see the doc on wenesday I know I'll feel better. I've been pushed too far and beyond my limits.....I know I make some of those. A lot of factors weigh in here. Menopause, my age and I'm going to be 45 the end of this month, I really would like to see that actually......Not give up or in. Move forward and all. I still believe that. Something has me. Now I just want to have it and get on with this life. Many Blessing to all that read this. I know my friends care. That's why I'm asking for help. | | | | 37 Views | 10 Thumbs Up | 8 Comments | |
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| | Prayer Of Emergency The 91st Psalm | | | Thursday, September 4, 2008 (2:06 PM)
(I'm feeling contemplative) | | I felt the need to write this blog with all the crap that is happening especially for the women with or without kids on this site. In times past, before I became Wiccan, I turned to this particular Psalm for courage, and help with emergency situations and times of trouble. I've said it for people as protection. In my darkest times I said it for myself. That was before. I let it sit and didn't use it because it was part of a faith I no longer was a part of. Wrong thinking....my bad. All faiths have their place in my heart now. Recently this psalm was given to me to use as protection from my doctor who has studied many religons. It floored me. When she gave me the psalm I looked at it and said with a smile. "Oh this used to be my prayer of emergency!" She said. "Use it again. You know it works!" So I believe our Creator was talking to me though something I knew and cherished. Though a person I greatly respect and love. So here it is. It's from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible. I hope my friends can use this in emergency and in trouble. It's helped me to rediscover something very wonderful. Many Blessings and Peace, Love and Light to you all!
PSALM 91
You who live in the shelter of the most high. Who abide in the shadow of the Almighty, will say to the Lord "My refuge and my fortress;my God, in whom I trust." For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence; he will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfullness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night or the arrow that flies by day. Or the pestilence that stalks in darkness, or the destruction that wastes at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand but it will not come near you. You will only look with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord your refuge, the Most High your dwelling place, no evil shall befall you no scourge come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, so you will not dash your foot against the stone. You will tread on the lion and a the adder, the young lion and the serpent you will trample under foot. Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name.. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them, and with long life I will satisfy them and show them my salvation.
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| | Peanut Butter Cookies The Bridge To Understanding | | | Tuesday, August 26, 2008 (7:54 PM)
(I'm feeling happy) | | I've had some problems lately with the neighbors. It's been hell since the father was sent to rehab for DWI. That family is in need of serious healing actually and I haven't been handing things right. I took a defensive posture being that I am an abuse survivor. Well I'm also Wiccian now. That means I have to look at things not only from defense but offense. So here I am 3 months into this with the kids next door. I was handing the thing like I would have before Wicca. Not good and it has caused me great harm. I did mention that I felt like things were coming back to me three fold. They were but I recognize what I have done wrong and am in the process of slowly correcting it.
I've done protection for my house, property, self, husband and cats. The other day I did protection for the youngest of the kids. He turned 20 today. Another kid was messing with him and I quickly put protection on him. At the time I didn't know how much that would bring out the mother in me. I have no kids and I figured. Me have motherly instinct? Na not me. Boy was I wrong. I knew pretty much all along the youngest was an innocent. I was being asked to help him. I just didn't recognize it was coming from inside me. Me that will never be called Mother. Something I have to live with. Something I thought I was doing quite well with. Actually no I believe I wasn't.
The kid's mother died 6 years ago today. Yes she died on his 14th birthday. I had no idea really I just knew she had died not when. The kid has had a hard time. Turning to drugs and hard stuff at that. But he's clean now. Working temp jobs at construction companies and wants to go to college. He'll be fine. It's the oldest I don't see much of a future for. But this is not about the oldest it's about bridging the gap. It's about finding even and positive ground. It's about Peanut Butter Cookies and how I made some for Jacob for his birthday today. Something positive and something he loves.
We had talked yesterday about some things and how we didn't want all this mess and we wanted to know what we could do to get along. That started it right there. I told him that we were not against him. We didn't know what else to do but call the police when they got out of hand. He said to me "I understand I was close to doing myself." That went well so this morning I was thinking to myself what could I do to wish the young man Happy 20th? Then something baked came to mind and my big brother JimWayne said cookies. James my husband added Peanut Butter (His favorite) So I made them this afternoon and waited for an opportunity to deliver them, with a card wishing him all the best.
When I saw him I waved, he waved and I said I had something for him. I told him to come on over and he did. I handed him the cookies saying happy birthday and I told him they were Peanut Butter. His eyes lit up and tears started to form. He was touched.......this kid that I though didn't have feelings was standing there touched, by just something as simple as those cookies. He smiled and hugged me.....ok so the stuffing got out in places but that didn't matter."How did you know?" He asked. "These are my favorite, I have been wanting some all day." "I just did Jacob." I said without really knowing but somehow I did.
So Peanut Butter Cookies bridged a gap and started some understanding today between two people that weren't getting along. As long as I live I will remember what I did. It was a good and positive thing after so much unhappiness and discord. Perhaps with time it will get better. But I had to make that first step in talking to the young man. At least he had something from me of me and ate something that I put a lot of positive intent into. For him, for his family for me and mine even.
It's a wonderful thing those cookies have done. I'm just glad I was divinely guided to do such. I'm beholding to our creator tonight. | | | | 27 Views | 6 Thumbs Up | 4 Comments | |
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| | What The Fuck Am I Doing? | | | Monday, August 25, 2008 (1:01 PM)
(I'm feeling determined) | | The last week has been pure hell but I got though it by taking a step or three back. Reorganizing and trying my best to stay on my path and in my light. "Just Do It" my father said. Ok I did that and it's working it's magick for sure! The energy from last week is easing off and I'm back on my path and in my light save for a few things that will take some time to come to fruitation. But that is ok. Good things come to those who wait. It's not just a saying but the truth or at least for me it is. Something is still brewing out there but if we all steady ourselves and get back into our light and paths we can all overcome what ever it is. If we do this staying in our own light and paths. Maybe, just maybe we can circumvent any negative and work for a positive outcome for everyone. That is my goal.
I was lucky enough to have a Reiki healing circle yesterday. This is my church with likeminded people of all faiths and backgrounds. Each of us are concidered "Different" Or what I like to call special rather because you can't be a human being without some difference or speciliaty unto yourself. I'm here to say it helped loads to ease things for me. I got alot out of that session and plan to use what I have learned to my betterment and those I love and concider friends. That is when I asked myself "What The Fuck Am I Doing?"
After resulting to old outmoded patterns too I had to take those steps back to what made me go and do them. I asked myself my continuing and helpful question...."What The Fuck are you doing?" Yep I ask myself that question often but not often enough it seems that I go bonkers a wee bit and detour off the path I had created and was created for me. I can't do that. No one really should. It's up to you to ask yourself that infernal and eternal question. "What The Fuck Are You Doing?" You ask yourself enough and you are going to be pissed at yourself for sure. Mostly because your having to take those steps back and reorganize. But I guess that is part of the divine plan for us humans and all of us are even if we don't all believe it.....We make mistakes. We get off our paths and do something really stupid or so uncharacteristic......umm let me explain here. I myself, am to blame for unRose like behavior. No one else made me do it. It was my fault and circumstance put before me that lead me astray and into territory I just got out of. There is some good there though. I desired my balance and peace back. I got it. Beause I me, got to asking that eternal infernal question. So if you are off your path, Ask yourself as many times as it takes "What the Fuck Am I Doing?" it just may come to you that what you are doing isn't good or destructive and you need to find a way to get out of that energy and into what good positive energy you have made. This is not easy but it's being honest and brutally honest at that. Sometimes being brutally honest gets quick rewards. For yourself it's a priceless gift in itself. Take it from one who asked the question in the first place. Many Blessings to you on your quest.
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| | Just Do It! | | | Wednesday, August 20, 2008 (7:45 PM)
(I'm feeling uncomfortable) | | I'm struggling. I have to admit that to myself and other's. Perhaps I'm growing instead of falling back into patterns. Like a chick that is trying to get out of an egg.
I've been moody and miserable for days. Falling back into things I just as well have left in the middle of the road like road kill. I don't want the shit I'm going though now because it's like visiting death and destruction. I don't want it. I don't desire it. I don't want to fall again!
But here I am wallowing in pain that is really mine now. It's taken over and all I have lost is coming back three fold. Ok so what did I do that brought all this about......I wish I knew so I could correct it.
Is it because I don't really want the life I had to take after my last chance to get out of the life I have said bye bye in November? Is it because I have failed somehow to keep a vigulent eye on myself? Failing seems to be about the only thing I am good at.
Who the hell did I think I was reconstituting myself? Self discovery.......Not sure. I know I want things back to the way they were before the new neighbors showed up. Last September was a pivitol growth stage for me. But somehow it never ends up for me that is the way I had hoped.
My father would say......Just do it. He said that long before Nike came up with it. I still hear his voice in my head saying that. He's been dead almost 4 years now come November. But the words do ring true. Just do it. Wheither you want it like it or desire it. Just do it and get it done. After that so what do you do? I've done the sucking up the old life. I have nothing left in it to save except myself. I'm pretty pityful right now. Nothing like I was. Perhaps taking a step back or two or three......ah......maybe several hundred and looking at what I am doing. For 9 months I was contint to heal, make due with the life I had and just do it.
Do you suppose I'm giving birth to myself? Could that be what all this shit is about? If so....could I please have what peace I acquired back. The balance would be nice too. Creator if you are listening, Please help me! I'm tired of doing it alone. | | | | 27 Views | 8 Thumbs Up | 4 Comments | |
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| | Reasoning Several Things At Once | | | Tuesday, August 19, 2008 (9:27 AM)
(I'm feeling contemplative) | | It's hard to reason with two margaritas in you. That's for sure! I'm on overload. I have at least two friends that I call sister's in real life that are scattered and unhappy. Plus my own lonliness. I thought I had learned to shut off other's pain and not make it my own. I guess this is what Jenn my doc warned me would happen after my first Reiki class. She said things would come up. Tests to see how I handled things. Well, it's better now that I have the light of day on my side and the margaritas out of my system. No real hangover just prespective. I'm lucky because I never drink that much anymore. Drinking got me in a lot of trouble a few short years ago and I stopped for the most part. But last night I retreated to old outmoded things. Drinking was one, wallowing another. Something I'm not proud of but will leave up to remind me of where I have been and where I am going which is two differnt paths intirely.
This year has been self discovery for the most part. To see my strengths and now.....my weaknesses. Looking at my weaknesses and seeing them on the blog I'm getting the notion I'm in need of ajustment for sure! But I am human. One thing in all of this I have become an island. Deserted I have found and not rich with plants or animals. Which is not good. I guess that is where the loneliness stems from plus my best friend and I don't see each other like we used too and I really am not at liberty to discuss that. Just know I so wish things were different. I guess I have become lonely because it was time. Time for me to come off the island and enrich my life with other things and people. But I am shy by nature. I don't just trust anyone. That has to be earned. I also believe I am feeling what my friends are feeling and it's hard to disern which is mine and not mine. I'm going to have to disapate all of it looks like and I hope that I am up for this task. I'm giving it three days of rest. Not going near it until then. After that I'll start my work. It usually happens on it's own and I get inspiration from somewhere on how to do it. I trust our Creator enough to give me insight. There will be a spark I know within the time I have set. Until then rest is needed. I'm taking on way too much. Until I am balanced and centered it's going to be this way. Please forgive any rants, ramblings or unRose like behavior. I wont loose sight or I haven't lost sight just regrouping and ajusting.
Mentalpause is changing me too. Jenn changed my bioidentcals without warning. No progesterone now in them. So I am using a back up and hoping that it's enough until I can talk to her......can't get hold of her......she does this from time to time. SUPRISE.........sink or swim. I usually swim just fine. Or at least float.......can't help floating sometime. But I will say she keeps me on my toes, focused and in control of things this way. I wouldn't be here if not for her help medically. She never gave up on me. She wanted me to follow her and make my own path. Take what I wished and use it as I see fit. I have done so the last two years and it has changed my life for the better.
I'm also missing people in my life now. My friends that are having meltdowns of thier own. My first love Peter. Plus my life is pretty quiet and that is the way I have wanted it since the noise stopped in my head. Even my neighbor problem is better and I am not going to say that too loud. I do not wish anymore shyte from them.
Anyway, this is too let those of you that read the blog last night know that life will be better. I'm stronger than I ever believed I was and this too shall pass like gas in the wind! LOL! If you can't laugh at yourself....you have nothing more to laugh at as I see it. Thank you for your help in this struggle. You can't sit still and let it happen either. Thats why I came here and ranted a wee bit. For me that is a wee bit. Had I lost sight completly......would be to go down that rocky road with thorns that I just cleaned up. You are my friends and are very special to me. Thank you again for your help and words. It is appreciated. Much Love and Respect, Your Friend Rose | | | | 30 Views | 8 Thumbs Up | 4 Comments | |
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