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| | Respect and Reasons | | | Tuesday, July 22, 2008 (5:23 PM)
(I'm feeling contemplative) | | Is it just me or has there been a sudden onslaught of odd characters popping up on LV lately? I used to mostly just get emailed from my friends and occasionally a stranger or someone who had just requested to be my friend.
Now, I am all of a sudden getting quite a few emails each day from strangers (claiming to be men) talking to me as if they know me very well and calling me names like Sexy, Sweetie, Honey, Love, etc. They get personal, very personal, right from the first email and I have to wonder why they would feel like this is ok. I say NOTHING to them in most cases and they continue to email me aynway. There have been some that I have replied to let them know I am not interested or to tell them they need to show respect to women and not treat strangers that way, etc. They usually apologize and blame it on not knowing how to properly speak the English language.... (yeah, heard that one before), but even then, they still continue to email me in the same manner. Sometimes I wonder if it's some of the same people under different accounts because they have very similar styles in the way they say things in their emails. Yes, I know I could block them, but sometimes that just eggs them on more and they make new accts and get angry and more persistent.
I am pretty sure I know why this is starting. It seems to have started since I made the decision to put new pics as my icon. They do show a bit of skin, but I think they are very tastefully done. I never realized it was going to become a magnet for these type of guys though. I just have decided to become more present and let more of myself and my personality show on LV. I held back a lot before because I actually do have a really shy side and I'm trying to let more of my outgoing side come out. I am very much a people person and get along with all types and ages of people, but I am a bit shy at first about completely putting myself out there. Just been hurt too many times before. I want it to be a postive thing though, not to draw shady chacaters my way. I don't need that in my life . I've had my fill of THAT for the past ten years or so.
I feel like it's time for me to talk about something. Lately it seems like more and more people are asking me about why I am not on cam, even my close friends who know me very well on here. For those wondering, it's because of two things. One is because I have never been one to like even getting my pic taken, so the thought of being on cam and in videos is very hard for me. I am pretty sure that stems from how my father belittled me daily as far back as I can remember. He constantly told me I was never good enough or pretty enough, etc and even though I have grown a lot since then and have worked through a lot of that, I still have a very hard time seeing myself as "pretty". I don't mean to assume people think I'm pretty either. If you know me at all, you'd know that's not how I feel, but I just mean that I could be a super model and I wouldn't see myself as that. So for me to put up the icon pics I have in the past few weeks is a HUGE step for me. I feel like I'm exposing myself too much in them, but in some small way it's therapeutic for me to make that step. I hope it doesn't come across as me trying to be inappropriate, cuz that is far from reality.
The other reason I choose not to be on cam is because of something very personal that I've been dealing with for over ten years now. It involves a relentless stalker situation. I'm not getting into more details than that here because I have no idea if they will read this or not, but just know that for my own peace of mind and feeling of security, I have to do it this way. I would hope people can respect this and not keep hounding me about going on cam. It may happen down the road if this irl situation ever clears up for sure, but it may not happen at all. I hope that you will be understanding if that is the case. I know this is a video sharing website and to be honest, when I first came over, I only intended to watch a few videos now and then, but something happened that I didn't forsee. I started falling in love with this place and the sense of community and started making some wonderful friends. I realized I wanted to stay and be some part of it all. Even though I choose not to get on cam, I hope you all agree that I have been a big part of this community. I have tried to give as much of myself as possible here. I am very grateful for the amazing people I have come to know here as an acquaintance and many on a more personal level. I cherish every moment and every friendship.
Anyway, that's what is on my mind now. If you read it to the end, thank you for caring enough to.
Much love and respect,
Laf
| | | 89 Views | 40  Thumbs Up | 29 Comments |  |
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| | For The Ring Master of the Insane Circus | | | Wednesday, July 16, 2008 (10:46 AM)
(I'm feeling annoyed) | | This is an open letter to Katy since she doesn't allow us to contact her or leave messages..... (Be prepared everyone cuz the redhead italian Laf is coming out for a few....)
I have absolutely had it with you. It takes a lot to get me steaming, but you my dear have done it. What you do to get your own attention is your business (even though you subject us to it, unfortunately), but how dare you treat Gallaxey the way you are. She is a kind, loving person and is a lot of fun and has EVERY RIGHT to post WHATEVER she wants. You have NO RIGHT to belittle her and make her feel bad about herself or take down bulletins. You even had the GALL to tell her that her smile needed to be changed and that her voice and face don't match up? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO SAY THAT TO ANYONE!?! You sicken me! Gallaxey is facing enough in her real life and needs this as a place she can come to to have fun and feel free to be herself. You are lower than pond scum for belittling her!
It's time someone put you in your rightful place. You are a childish, immature, poop-slinging, insane circus monkey who preaches that she is a christian that only wants to loooooove, yet your actions speak quite loudly in the opposite direction. Let me ask you this.... Would you eat that curdled cheese covered banana in such a sexual manner at the church picnic on Sunday? Yeah, I didn't think so.....
You are not some clever woman who is getting the better of everyone. You are mouthy, trashy, self-indulgent, prideful and quite frankly disgusting in your actions here on LV. If this is how you act online, I can only imagine what you are like in person. YUCK!
You purposely drum up drama by making rude remarks and videos bad-mouthing the IC and others and then try to cover your tracks and patronize everyone by saying it's US who just don't get your humor and your "love crusade". Ok, I just puked a little. Your antics are childish at best and you are making yourself out to be a complete fool here, so i would highly suggest dropping your circus act before you start reaping way more than the views and attention you are craving.
In your videos I see a prideful, immature child with a devilish grin trying to rub things in people's faces. Ewww, I shudder at that mental image! My advice to you.... put away that mustard, stop trying to be sexual on cam cuz it most DEFINITELY isn't working in your favor, Toots! Start re-evaluating what you are really doing cuz your insane circus ain't seen nothing yet babe. Hold on for the ride.... | | | | 93 Views | 32 Thumbs Up | 16 Comments | |
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| | Is It Enough? | | | Tuesday, July 15, 2008 (12:38 PM)
(I'm feeling inquisitive) | | Am I really doing "enough"?
am I doing all I can to make a difference....
am I accomplishing the dreams I have deep in my heart....
have I done enough to make sure I'm on the right path...
have I really made a difference in this world....
do I take enough risks...
do I push myself hard enough..
do I truly listen enough...
do I speak from my heart enough...
do I breathe deeply enough...
do I use my talents to the fullest...
do I always show others enough compassion...
am I good enough...
am I steadily striving to become a better person...
do I love enough...
do I keep my mind open enough....
do I dream enough...
do I share enough of myself with others...
do I guard my heart too much....
do I forgive enough....
do I help those in need enough...
do I hug enough....
do I tell others how much they mean to me... enough....
do I let down my defenses enough...
when I leave this Earth will I have done "enough"?
These are things I have on my mind today...
Will it ever be... enough....
| | | | 48 Views | 6 Thumbs Up | 3 Comments | |
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| | Stepping it up.... | | | Tuesday, July 15, 2008 (10:36 AM)
(I'm feeling Reflective) | | So... the past few months I've been kinda laying low. I didn't really have a concrete reason for it, other than I was just burned out and was having some major computer issues, so I decided to step back and just watch vids and not be as involved. I found out one main thing during that time. I really MISSED being part of it all. I missed making vids and being more invovled with my amazing friends on here, so I'm fully present now and I plan on keeping it that way. ;)
Now that I got a new laptop, I've been getting the urge to start making vids again and have been actually speaking more in chatrooms with my friends and just getting more invovled again across the board. I've been letting more of my personality show again and I feel better about things. Somehow that's really making a difference.
These past couple weeks have really brought about some surprises. I'm not sure what has changed exactly to bring these on, but I like it and I am excited to see where things are headed. I wasn't really in a slump before and I wasn't depressed... just didn't realize how much certain things were holding me back and affecting me, I suppose. A number of friends have said that I seem more outgoing again. This is actually how I am most of the time (except when I'm thinking deeply about something, which I do quite often actually), but I guess I haven't let that part of me show as much and I'm sorry for that.
I am very grateful to my friends and I'm so glad that I'm getting to know some of you better. I've been wanting that for quite some time now. The time we've spent chatting has been so great and I look forward to many more conversations in the future. ;) You really mean a lot to me. No need for names, cuz you know who you are. ;)
Welp, that is all for now. I really appreciate those that take the time to read my blogs and to comment. I really enjoy reading your thoughts about what I have to say.
Hugs and I hope your week brings about many surprises!
xoxoxo Laf
| | | | 38 Views | 4 Thumbs Up | 2 Comments | |
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| | Argggghhhhhh | | | Monday, July 14, 2008 (12:46 AM)
(I'm feeling aggravated) | | Have you ever gotten to the point that you feel like you are doing everything in your power to accomplish something that you know is important and will impact your future in a big way, but no matter what you do it seems like you hit a brick wall? Something you want so badly you can taste it? Something just out of your reach and there's not a dang thing you can do to change that ...
Today that's how I feel. Knowing me, by the time I'm done typing this I'll be feeling better about it. Right now I just need to vent. I am not even certain I know exactly what has me frustrated at the moment, although I have a nagging suspicion about what or who it is. Shrugs... it probably makes no difference.
I think it's fair to say that I'm usually in a pretty good mood. I love to laugh and even more so, I love to make others feel good and bring a smile to their face. I go out of my way to make others feel comfortable and to uplift them. If I see someone in need I try to help them in whatever way I am capable. Sometimes I feel like I've spent so much time being there for everyone else that others tend to forget I also need a shoulder or a hug at times in return. But, most of the time I push that aside because there's always someone around that needs me to listen to them or give advice or _____________ (insert needy situation). Don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying I don't want to be there for others. I absolutely love it and it's a huge part of my character. I am a caretaker at heart and always will be. I have a huge desire to help those in need, especially those hurting. From the moment I could walk I would try to help any animal or person that I knew needed assistance. I always try to do what's right, or what I feel is right based on the morals I was raised with. I've been referred to as the "good girl" all of my life. For the most part, that makes me happy because I know that is a reflection of all of the good my mom instilled in me, but right this second, I'm sick of being the good girl. Wait, maybe I should erase that... that's not something the good girl should say....
I never hung with the bad crowd (unless you wanna count the IC now... haha... it had to be said... I love you guys!)... never did drugs of any kind... never smoked... and I rarely ever drink.... I don't say this to brag and I most certainly don't look down on anyone who has done any of these things. I just feel that sometimes it doesn't even matter that I've tried to always do what's right and live by high moral standards. I sometimes feel like I'm backed into a corner and today, that is what i'm feeling. I am frustrated. I am tired of being the one who makes most of the effort in so many situations. I have to wonder what would happen if I stopped being that one. I guess I'd learn who really cares huh? But no, I'm the"good girl" so I can't stop being that. Truth is, I don't wanna stop. Gawd, this makes no sense but I don't even care at the moment.
I don't even know what the point of this blog is. I guess it's just therapeautic for me to release my feelings at times in writing. I've always been that way. I've written tons of letters to people in my life that never got sent. I find that the main reason for writing them is to vent whatever emotion I'm feeling towards that person at that moment and once I do, I'm fine and there is then no need to send the letter. Soemtimes I even do that here on LV. I'll type a comment or a blog in the heat of the moment and then as soon as I post it I already feel better about the situation and feel the need to delete it. Sometimes I let it stay if it's important enough.... we'll see if I feel this blog is important enough.... here I go... *click*
| | | | 47 Views | 10 Thumbs Up | 5 Comments | |
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| | How to Really Please a Woman | | | Wednesday, July 9, 2008 (3:40 PM)
(I'm feeling exanimate) | | Guys, I'm gonna make something very easy on you.
If there's a woman in your life you think is special, someone you love, someone you've just met who you think there's a possibility of having something special with.... if you are chatting, talking, dating, engaged or married to a special lady, then listen up.....
Here's the key to making that woman very, very happy....
here's what a woman longs for....
here's what will make her smile and appreciate you more....
here's what will make her feel safe and secure being with you...
We don't want to have to ask you to be romantic.
We don't want to have to ask for your attention.
We don't want to have to always say what we need or want.
We want the guy to know how to love us without having to tell them.
We want the guy to care enough to consider our feelings.
We want them to care enough to know we love little surprises.
We want to be swept off our feet and made to feel like a princess.
We want you to notice things we like and things important to us...
and care enough to remember them and let us know you do.
We want you to realize that if you are willing to do these things,
you will make us the happiest girls on earth...
We want to feel appreciated.
We want you to be our soft place to fall.
And more than anything, we want you to know that we will give you all of these things and more in return, because a guy willing to take the time and make the effort to learn how to love a woman the right way deserves every bit in return.
| | | | 63 Views | 12 Thumbs Up | 9 Comments | |
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| | LV Creatures | | | Tuesday, July 8, 2008 (9:57 AM)
(I'm feeling silly) | | Call me silly but sometimes when I see pics of animals they remind me of people I know...
here are a few examples of creatures that resemble lv members to me... lol
Argent009:
Blueyez:
Caveman:
lol so what do YOU think?
(ya better respond or I just might find one of you next... huh huh huh... evil laf) | | | | 66 Views | 24 Thumbs Up | 13 Comments | |
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| | I Miss Her Still | | | Wednesday, July 2, 2008 (10:49 PM)
(I'm feeling contemplative) | | After 21 years, you'd think the pain would be so small that I wouldn't still feel it but to this day, I can sometimes feel it almost as much as the moment I heard my mom had taken her last breath. Yes, it has definitely faded over time, but there are times when it comes back.
Today I was looking up a recipe for a friend and ran across one of the dishes my mom ws famous for making for our family and friends. She put every ounce of her love into her cooking and baking when she made something for us. I can stil be transported back in time at the mere smell of a dish she used to make for us. I can picture her standing at the stove stirring something with her well-seasoned wooden spoon, looking over her shoulder to make sure I was putting the right ingredients into the cake mix I was helping her make. I can hear her voice still and her laughter and see her dancing around the kitchen to whatever melody was streaming in from the stereo. She loved life, she loved her family and most of all she loved pleasing others. I share those same traits. My mom and I were very muck alike.
I thought by now the pain would be pretty much gone, well I hoped it would, but I miss her so badly it hurts sometimes. I don't know how to make it go away, or if I even want it to, because I sometimes am afraid that if I stop hurting from missing her so much that I'll slowly feel her memories start to fade... That I might forget her voice, the smell of her hair, her sweet smile, her laugh, the way she looked at her children, the way she adored holidays and our puppy. I want to hold onto every ounce of that because that's all I have left of her.
Sometimes I feel lost without her.... | | | | 53 Views | 10 Thumbs Up | 6 Comments | |
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| | Haters Known As The InnerCircle? | | | Wednesday, July 2, 2008 (10:21 AM)
(I'm feeling contemplative) | | I hear so much chitchat about The InnerCircle and very much of it is offbase, so I wanted to give my perspective on the matter...
Honestly, I can see how some of you might think they are all about drama and trolling and trying to push people off the site.... because many times if there is drama going on, they are smack-dab in the middle of it. They are on the comments, they are posting vids in response to misinformed people who insist on bringing them up and making accusations about them. So yes, they are part of the drama....
However, if you would take time to really dig deeper into each of these situations, you might just see the truth of the matter. IC does not start the drama (ok ok, they do start what many might consider the "fun drama" for the lulz, if you will, like in the vids where you see Dunk and his cheezy grin when he's up to no good... but that is completely different.... most of that is just their way of trying to make this site more entertaining and a hell of a lot more fun for all of us).
The IC is actually way less than people make it out to be. It's a group of friends who trust each other and always support each other, even in times when they might not fully agree with an opinion or a situation one of the other IC members is involved in, they are still there for each other, because they are friends and that's what friends do. There's a way to be there for your friends without having to agree with every single thing they do or say. They allow each other to be themselves and form their individual opinions... and many times, they just so happen to share similar views on things just like most friends do. I happen to share their views also on most people and situations, so I speak up and show support, as a true friend should.
They are not some hate group that set out to go after people like a lynch mob. They are NOT HATERS. Haters are cowards that usually hide in order to say and do horrid things to make someone's life a living hell online. Before the word hater pours off your drooling tongue next time, please take a second to realize just what that word means and who you are directing it at. Would you like to be considered a HATER just because you defend yourself when people make false accusations against YOU? I think not. That's a strong word and WAY TOO MANY of you are tossing it around like it's a hot potato. Start looking at each IC member as an individual instead of lumping them all together when you form an opinion of them. I think you'll start to see what an amazing group of people they really are. I can speak from personal experience because I know many of them very well. I have taken the time to get to know them and have formed strong and lasting friendships with many of them. I see them each for their individual talents that they share with us. I admire them for their leadership and dedication to this community. I adore them for their senses of humor and their constant support for me and for so many others. If you look, you'll almost always see my comments on their vids, showing my support and friendship. I try to stay out of the true drama that goes on, and have never made a hateful, drama inducing video, but I am in no way afraid to show support to my friends. You can do both people, you truly can!
What I'm hoping to accomplish here is that people take off the blinders and stop jumping on the bandwagon that likes to blame pretty much all of the negativity on the site on the IC. When I think of the InnerCircle, IC a group of amazing and talented people and I'm proud to call them my friends.
just sayin!
| | | | 107 Views | 32 Thumbs Up | 17 Comments | |
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| | Childlike Perspective.... | | | Wednesday, July 2, 2008 (9:15 AM)
(I'm feeling bouncy) | | When I look at this picture it brings an immediate smile to my face. It's a picture of my nephew Kyler. I use it as a great reminder to try to look at situations and things I run across in my everyday liife with the awe and wonderment that a child possesses. With a childlike perspective, perhaps we can learn to enjoy the little things in life more and not take the other things so seriously.
Meey Kyler.... he is one of the funniest little guys I've ever know....
re
What in your life brings an instant smile to your face?
p.s. He doesn't always look like Alfafa.... :) He has bedhead in this pic. :D | | | | 57 Views | 10 Thumbs Up | 6 Comments | |
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