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| | 17 Weeks | | | | Saturday, September 6, 2008 (11:39 PM) | | I'm trying to post at least once a week. But I'm not going to write much this week. I'm supposed to be avoiding stress at all costs. I'm getting nervous because my last pregnancy was so difficult. The Dr assured me everything was ok. Not much has changed since last week. I'll make it up next week.
I hope everyone is well.
PS... I will also have a name for the puppy by next weekend. Thank you all so very much for your suggestions. | | | 16 Views | 0  Thumbs Up | 0 Comments |  |
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| | 16 Weeks | | | | Sunday, August 31, 2008 (11:30 PM) | | I went to the Thyroid Dr for the second time. She told me that I look much better compared to my last check up. She drew more blood and my levels were where they should be. I see her again in 5 weeks.
My allergies have been acting up and I cant seem to get rid of the sniffles. It hasn’t gotten too bad though, I can deal with this.
This week the baby is about 5 ½ inches and weighs 3 ounces. My belly is getting bigger and bigger. The movement in my belly is more noticeable now and happening more frequently. My sense of smell is cooperating with my taste buds and stomach for now.
We still need to come up with a name. We also need a name for the puppy still. She needs one very soon.
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| | 21 suggestions for success and my thoughts on each. | | | | Saturday, August 23, 2008 (2:22 PM) | | A re-post of the first blog I posted here. I was looking through them and I like this one. I don't re-post often, but this one needed to be seen again.
Ok, so I read this in a bulletin on MySpace and it's oh so true. Here is the list as it pertains to me, and some thoughts on certain aspects of it.
21 Suggestions for Success
By H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
1. Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.
Well first off I don't think anyone NEEDS to get married to be happy. I have found that someone in Cory though. He has made me so much happier than I was before.
2. Work at something you enjoy and that's worthy of your time and talent.
I have multiple things that coincide with this one. I have my babies, I enjoy taking care of them and they are definitely worth my time. I know that's probably not what this question implied, but it's true. As for actual work, I do keep myself busy. More so before the babies were born, but I'm in the middle of going over a proposal and it's looking good. I just want my friend Amy to come back because we work best together.
3. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
I would have to say I'm a giver. I would give you my last… anything really. I would rather go without and see someone else happy. It makes me happy to do that.
4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
I try, I really do. I don't think anyone can be happy 100% of the time. If your never unhappy you cant truly appreciate what you have. You just have to know whats worth stressing over. Some things are worth the worry and the hassle. As long as you keep a positive out look and your pro active about getting through it then its not a bad thing.
5. Be forgiving of yourself and others.
I usually will instantly forgive anyone for anything. As long as it wasn't done maliciously, then I can just let it go. Forgiving myself on the other hand is more difficult. I've been through some things in my life that have affected the way I think. I have the hardest time forgiving myself, even when I know that it wasn't my fault or it was completely out of my control. I need to work on that one.
6. Be generous.
Any of my family or friends can tell you that I am a generous person. It makes me happy.
7. Have a grateful heart.
I've lost to many things that I've held dear to me, so I appreciate everything I have no matter how small. If I love you I let you know every chance I get. Whether its with a smile or a hug, or even a silly card or gesture.
8. Persistence, persistence, persistence.
Yet another one I need to work on. I do have patience and persistence to a point. If something is taking too long, if something hits a plateau for a while, I might move on from it. Not to say that I'll never go back to it though.
9. Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary.
I don't like talking about money. I am conscious with it and where its going. Not to say I'm never reckless with it on occasion, but you only live once.
10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
We've all been hearing this since we were 3, I think its about time people started listening to it. Its great advice. People also need to be aware that it means treating people like they want to be treated even when that person is not there. I know too many two faced people that smile and laugh to your face then talk shit behind your back.
11. Commit yourself to constant improvement.
I think everyday has room for improvement. That can be the same everyday, even if its not technically the same thing. Just do something each day to make yourself happy. Once your happy your more apt to make the people around you happy effortlessly.
12. Commit yourself to quality.
Not to be cliché, but quantity is not quality. I would much rather have two close friends than twenty acquaintances. I just think if you give your best then you should receive the best back. I know that might be a naïve thought, but that would be ideal, in a perfect world. (my definition of perfect probably differs from yours)
13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.
People are what fulfill your life, material possessions are just here to entertain us. The person who posted this original list in a bulletin has a video on YouTube where he plays with an empty box. He had fun, it was just a box. People don't need expensive things to be happy.
14. Be loyal.
I'm changing this one to, Be loyal out of respect and love not obligation.
15. Be honest.
This one is good. I am extremely honest, sometimes to a fault. I will tell you what I'm thinking no matter what. I believe in saying what you feel when you feel it.
16. Be a self-starter.
Sometimes I need inspiration to get something started. I'm relatively self motivated most of the time though. I like to find things to keep me busy.
17. Be decisive even if it means you'll sometimes be wrong.
I am hopeless when it comes to making decisions. More so when it comes to what to make to eat, or what to wear. The big stuff I'm pretty good about. I guess that's what counts.
18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.
Another area that may bring me down. I fully accept the blame for my mistakes. I sometimes take the blame for others also. Again I'd rather deal with extra stres to make sure someone else is happy.
19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.
I don't have any regrets, the bad things made me stronger and the good things made me comfortable in my skin. I go for what I want. Whats the worst that can happen, I don't get it and I move on with at least knowing I tried for it. I don't think I'd like to have to wonder what if…
20. Take good care of those you love.
This one is self explanatory, just be sure to add yourself to that list.
21. Don't do anything that wouldn't make your Mom proud.
Sad to say that this isn't true for some people. I am one of those fortunate people who has an amazing mother. If you read one of my recent blogs on MySpace you would know just how much I love her. | | | | 21 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | 15th Week, we found out the sex of the baby. | | | | Saturday, August 23, 2008 (12:33 AM) | | I was freaking out that I was going to be late for my fourth prenatal visit. I wanted to be sure to be on time because the sonographer only stays there for half an hour each week. I was filled with anticipation to see what was going on inside of my ever growing belly. I knew it was too early to predict the baby’s sex so I didn’t let the thought cross my mind. As I lie down the sonographer asked me if I wanted to know the sex or not. I looked at Cory and we both said yes.
After a few minutes of him checking everything to make sure the happenings inside my belly were ok he turned the screen so Cory and I could see it. He showed us the head and face towards me, the spine and then asked again if we wanted to know the sex. He told us it was a boy. That made Cory very excited, it evens out the odds in the house now. Everything else appeared to be normal. Which is a huge relief to me. I know just because my last pregnancy was rough doesn’t mean this one will be. But it’s still a fear. It’s already a safer pregnancy because I’m not having twins again. Not that I would have minded that.
Sometimes its hard to feel good about myself. My hormones are going crazy. I’ve been feeling a little gloomy these past few days. I’m still trying to stay positive mentally, but there is a lot going on in my head.
This week has been odd. I’ve been having the most unusual dreams. I only seem to remember the dreams I have in the early morning hours though. This week has been pretty cool temperature wise. Its warming up again though. I have to stay cool, the Dr said that the baby is several degrees warmer than I am and can’t regulate its body temperature so staying cool is very important.
That’s all I really have for now… Not only do I need to think of a name for the puppy now we can start thinking of baby names. Yay :) | | | | 30 Views | 4 Thumbs Up | 2 Comments | |
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| | I might be a horrible person. | | | | Thursday, August 21, 2008 (11:00 PM) | | Have you ever had your heart completely broken? Almost everyone will suffer from a broken heart. The circumstances in which my heart broke were surprising to say the least. This is all so weird, and it’s making me feel like a bad person. I’m happy, I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time. A long time ago I was hanging out with some friends. One of them had an older brother. He showed up and the moment he walked in my heart began to race. It was actually a little bothersome that the second I saw this guy I knew I wanted to be with him. I didn’t even know his name and had yet to hear his voice but I was completely infatuated with him.
As time went on we became friends. The more I got to know about him the more I liked him. He intrigued me so much. When he got mad I was the only one who could calm him down. I wanted to be with him but he was interested in someone else. I immediately disliked her, she wasn’t good enough for him, not many people were. I accepted that it wasn’t going to happen between us and moved past it and started dating someone else.
I noticed things changing a little bit. He was mort interested in me now. He was the one who initiated our little innocent flirty moments. He was ready and I had moved on. After about 4 months my guy and I decided to just be friends. Of course by then he was seeing someone else and I was ready again and he was unavailable.
Now this went on for about a year and a half. One of us was ready and wanting to be with the other person who was with someone else. Then one day it happened, the guy I was with up and decided that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I was upset and decided to go out. After a few drinks I was a little tipsy and he came over and told me that he was bringing me home, he said that no guy was worth drinking all night long. He drove me home and I changed for bed. He tucked me in and went to kiss me on the forehead. I kissed him for real, and he kissed me back. The thought of that still takes my breath away. I told him that I didn’t want to be alone. He hugged me and told me that he’d be in the other room if I needed him. I told him to stay with me, we just fell asleep and it was the best sleep I had gotten in a long time.
After that night we spent a lot of time together. Our friends were all excited for us. I’m actually not sure if it was excitement or relief that we finally seemed to both be ready at the same time. Then his dad got sick. He pulled away a little bit, I didn’t force anything. I was just simply there for him. His dad died 3 months later. It was horrible, I hurt because he hurt. I would have done anything to take it all away.
I’m not sure if it was wrong or not, but after the funeral we were talking and decided to leave and went to my place. He broke completely down and I had never seen him like that before. I hugged him and wouldn’t let go. Then something changed, it felt different somehow. Then he kissed me, I’m not sure if I should have kissed him back or let what happened happen. We slept together that night. I love him and always will and no matter how awkward things were the next morning, I don’t regret it one single bit. He couldn’t handle everything. He took off and almost a month later I got a letter from him. He apologized and said he felt like he had taken advantage of me. He said he needed time to think and sort things out.
I didn’t hear from him for 6 months. By then I was with someone. The day he came back I just about fell on the floor. I was so happy to see him. He came up to me and gave me a kiss and I quickly pulled away thinking about my boyfriend. I loved them both. It wasn’t fair to break up with my boyfriend just because he was ready now. I focused on my life and I was happy. I lost touch with him and most of our friends.
Now for the heart breaking part. I decided to call an old friend the other day, just to see how everyone was. She told me everyone was fine and went down the list. She told me he had just had a baby the other day with some girl. My heart broke into tiny pieces. Then I felt worse because I’m so happy right now and I should be happy for him not feeling heart broken and sad because he has started a family. I have my own family and its getting bigger by the minute. It’s been years and years since we last saw each other. I mean I was with the guy I chose over him for almost 7 years. Now I’m in love and engaged to Cory and having his baby, and we have his daughter and the twins. I should not in any way be heartbroken that he just had a baby with someone. I don’t even know her and I don’t think she’s good enough for him.
I talked to Cory about all of this as soon as I got off the phone and he told me that it was ok and that some old feelings were stirred up. He said its normal and tried to make me feel better. I still feel guilty though. And I still feel hurt almost. | | | | 28 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment | |
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| | Help me name my puppy. | | | | Thursday, August 21, 2008 (3:52 PM) | | She is 7 weeks old and she is so sweet. We can't think of a name for her. So I need help, I'll give this until the end of next week then I'll have to choose a name. Thank you in advance.
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| | Pictures finally | | | | Tuesday, August 19, 2008 (6:34 PM) | | | Ok so I've decided to put up a picture of my babies and my new puppy. I still feel a little ambivalent about putting my pictures on here. Maybe one day soon. If anyone even cares, lol. | | | | 20 Views | 2 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment | |
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| | First puppy argument and who else but me would get a cold in the summer? | | | | Monday, August 18, 2008 (2:57 PM) | | So I was sitting in the living room on the computer last night. I went to check on Gretta then the twins. I got ready for bed and found Cory and the still nameless puppy all cuddled up in our bed. It was very cute I do have to admit. I woke him up and told him the puppy could not sleep in the bed. We argued for a few minutes, not even really arguing thoug. I finally said that yes it was cute and sweet now and asked him if he would feel the same once she's 120-140 lbs. He said point taken and she does not get to sleep in the bed. He went out to buy her a dog bed to put on the floor by his side of the bed. Hopefully that works out well.
I'm not sure if it's because I'm pregnant and my immune system might be out of whack or what but I've developed quite a cold in the last day or so. It's not fun. Seriously, who ever gets a cold in the summer. I'm washing my hands all the time and don't really expose myself to germs. I know they're everywhere, but I'm careeful about it. It's an OCD thing.
Anyway, I have a Dr appt tomorrow and I'm very excited. Also, Cory decided to send his cousin to NY so he could staty here with me. Yay :) | | | | 16 Views | 2 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment | |
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| | My New Puppy. | | | Sunday, August 17, 2008 (6:55 PM)
(I'm feeling excited) | | | I got a puppy today. She's so cute. We bought a French Mastiff. I posted a picture on my MySpace of her. She still needs a name though. Any suggestions? Hmmm... | | | | 21 Views | 2 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment | |
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| | Starting to look Pregnant. | | | | Saturday, August 16, 2008 (9:39 PM) | | I’m beginning to feel small movements in my belly. When it happened I just sit still and talk to my baby. I feel like bonding is important. I know that may sound silly but its how I feel. I feel like my old self again with a few sleepy moments here and there, nothing a little rest doesn’t fix. I’ve started to wear maternity clothes this week. I’m in that awkward stage where my normal clothes are to small and most of my maternity clothes are too big. So I have been wearing maternity clothes and just comfy elastic wasted pants. I go for an ultrasound next week and I’m so excited.
I’ll try to write more, but its difficult with the twins to find time to actually sit down and write. By the time they go to bed I’m ready for bed as well. Now that I’m feeling better I’ll be up a little longer and I’ll keep up here.
I’ve been thinking probably more than I should be lately about Aaron. I miss him so much and I’m not dealing with this loss very well. I’m trying really hard to put up a good front. I can fool the people around me but I can’t fool my body. Right now it knows that I’m not ok. Cory is getting ready to make a trip down to NY to see his little brother and check up on the business. I don’t want to start talking with him about this because then he wont go. I have this really bad problem with feeling like an inconvenience. I know he wants to be there for me and he would do anything for me though. That is enough to get me through the next 2 weeks.
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