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| | The Bug and the Toilet. | | | | Friday, March 27, 2009 (9:58 PM) | | So, there I was... standing in front of the toilet with my fly unzipped doing you-know-what. And there was this black bug,about half the size of my pinkie fingernail,flying in front of me at eye level. He kept flying in circles...with a kind of 'in your face' attitude about him. I dared not swipe at him for I might swing wildly and wet the floor.
Then he just stopped...and dropped...right into the toilet.
Dead!
Maybe, just maybe it was the fumes of my pee that over came the little bugger.
I have toxic pee!
Maybe I should notify the E.P.A.
And go check some of the bushes at the Tahoe National Forest | | | 56 Views | 0  Thumbs Up | 0 Comments |  |
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| | A Redneck Love Poem. By...SHOOT Ain't nobody know who done wrote it! | | | | Friday, February 27, 2009 (6:38 PM) | | Susie Lee done fell in love,
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all,
She told her pappy so.
Pappy told her, "Susie gal,
You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' ma don't know,
But Joe is yo' half brother."
So Susie put aside her Joe,
And planned to marry Will.
But after telling pappy this,
He said "there's trouble still."
"You can't marry Will my gal,
And please don't tell yo' mother,
But Will and Joe, and several mo'
I know is yo' half brother."
BUT mama knew and said "My child,
Just do what makes yo' happy,
Marry Will or marry Joe.
You ain't no kin to pappy."
Brings a tear to yo' eye...don't it? | | | | 48 Views | 2 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment | |
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| | The 100 funniest words as listed by Lexteria | | | | Monday, February 23, 2009 (3:50 PM) | | Abibliophobia - The fear of running out of reading material.
Absquatulate - To leave or abscond with something.
Allegator - Some who alleges.
Anencephalous - Lacking a brain.
Argle-bargle - A loud row or quarrel.
Batrachomyomachy - Making a mountain out of a molehill.
Billingsgate - Loud, raucous profanity.
Bloviate - To speak pompously or brag.
Blunderbuss - A gun with a flared muzzle or disorganized activity.
Borborygm - A rumbling of the stomach.
Boustrophedon - A back and forth pattern.
Bowyang - A strap that holds the pants legs in place.
Brouhaha - An uproar.
Bumbershoot - An umbrella.
Callipygian - Having an attractive rear end or nice buns.
Canoodle - To hug and kiss.
Cantankerous - Testy, grumpy.
Catercornered - Diagonal(ly).
Cockalorum - A small, haughty man.
Cockamamie - Absurd, outlandish.
Codswallop - Nonsense, balderdash.
Collop - A slice of meat or fold of flab.
Collywobbles - Butterflies in the stomach.
Comeuppance - Just reward, just deserts.
Crapulence - Discomfort from eating or drinking too much.
Crudivore - An eater of raw food.
Discombobulate - To confuse.
Donnybrook - An melee, a riot.
Doozy - Something really great.
Dudgeon - A bad mood, a huff.
Ecdysiast - An exotic dancer, a stripper.
Eructation - A burp, belch.
Fard - Face-paint, makeup.
Fartlek - An athletic training regime.
Fatuous - Unconsciously foolish.
Filibuster - Refusal to give up the floor in a debate to prevent a vote.
Firkin - A quarter barrel or small cask.
Flibbertigibbet - Nonsense, balderdash.
Flummox - To exasperate.
Folderol - Nonsense.
Formication - The sense of ants crawling on your skin.
Fuddy-duddy - An old-fashioned, mild-mannered person.
Furbelow - A fringe or ruffle.
Furphy - A portable water-container.
Gaberlunzie - A wandering beggar.
Gardyloo! - A warning shouted before throwing water from above.
Gastromancy - Telling fortune from the rumblings of the stomach.
Gazump - To buy something already promised to someone else.
Gobbledygook - Nonsense, balderdash.
Gobemouche - A highly gullible person.
Godwottery - Nonsense, balderdash.
Gongoozle - To stare at, kibitz.
Gonzo - Far-out journalism.
Goombah - An older friend who protects you.
Hemidemisemiquaver - A musical timing of 1/64.
Hobbledehoy - An awkward or ill-mannered young boy.
Hocus-pocus - Deceitful sleight of hand.
Hoosegow - A jail or prison.
Hootenanny - A country or folk music get-together.
Jackanapes - A rapscallion, hooligan.
Kerfuffle - Nonsense, balderdash.
Klutz - An awkward, stupid person.
La-di-da - An interjection indicating that something is pretentious.
Lagopodous - Like a rabbit's foot.
Lickety-split - As fast as possible.
Lickspittle - A servile person, a toady.
Logorrhea - Loquaciousness, talkativeness.
Lollygag - To move slowly, fall behind.
Malarkey - Nonsense, balderdash.
Maverick - A loner, someone outside the box.
Mollycoddle - To treat too leniently.
Mugwump - An independent politician who does not follow any party.
Mumpsimus - An outdated and unreasonable position on an issue.
Namby-pamby - Weak, with no backbone.
Nincompoop - A foolish person.
Oocephalus - An egghead.
Ornery - Mean, nasty, grumpy.
Pandiculation - A full body stretch.
Panjandrum - Someone who thinks himself high and mighty.
Pettifogger - A person who tries to befuddle others with his speech.
Pratfall - A fall on one's rear.
Quean - A disreputable woman.
Rambunctious - Aggressive, hard to control.
Ranivorous - Frog-eating
Rigmarole - Nonsense, unnecessary complexity.
Shenanigan - A prank, mischief.
Sialoquent - Spitting while speaking.
Skedaddle - To hurry somewhere.
Skullduggery - No good, underhanded dealing.
Slangwhanger - A loud abusive speaker or obnoxious writer.
Smellfungus - A perpetual pessimist.
Snickersnee - A long knife.
Snollygoster - A person who can't be trusted.
Snool - A servile person.
Tatterdemalion - A child in rags.
Troglodyte - Someone or something that lives in a cave.
Turdiform - Having the form of a lark.
Unremacadamized - Having not been repaved with macadam.
Vomitory - An exit or outlet.
Wabbit - Exhausted, tired, worn out.
Widdershins - In a contrary or counterclockwise direction.
Yahoo - A rube, a country bumpkin.
@ - The "at" sign. | | | | 42 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | The Obituary of Mr. Common Sense- From Naval Spooks-CT Sand Crabs | | | | Sunday, February 22, 2009 (2:33 PM) | | Today, we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend,Common Sense,who has been with us many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as of having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
1) Knowing when to come out of the rain.
2)Why the early bird gets the worm
3)Spending time in the military makes a man with values out of a boy with wild ideas.
4)Life isn't always fair,
5)Maybe it was my fault,
6)The world doesn't care about your self-esteem,
7)If you think your teacher was hard,wait until you get a boss,
8)Your employer isn't interested in helping you "find yourself", he wants you to do that on your own time,
9)Movies, and Soaps are not real life,
10)Your grandparents had another word for bagging groceries-they called it "opportunity".
Common sense lived by sound simple rules for financing and parenting:( Don't spend more than you earn and 2-Adults, not children, are in charge.)
Common sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Reason, and his son Responsibility.
Attending the wake were the neighbors: I know my rights, Someone else to blame, and I'm a victim-Pay Me!!
Not many attended the funeral because so few realized he was gone.
| | | | 33 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | They let me keep my mustache, and my hair is growing back very nicely thank you very much. | | | Thursday, February 5, 2009 (5:15 PM)
(I'm feeling FAT AND SASSY) | | Okay it's been a while. Well, a year at least. Was on LV last month. Was trying to delete my channel. Okay I confess I'm some what computer savey challenged.Which explains why the darn thing is still up. So I started checking other profiles and I noticed a trend I hadn't noticed before. An awful lot of women choose as their profile picture...their boobs.
Now there is nothing wrong with a nice set of boobs. They can be big or they can be small. Doesn't matter. My question is...if they're willing only to show their tops. Is that their best feature? Are they missing some teeth? Or did they miss their last electrolocist appointment. And if their is sonething amiss with the facial feature. Are their boobs better than their butts. I'm somewhat of a butt man. And I've looked there are not a whole lot of butt showing here on LV. Well except for one guy showing his naked backside while holding a fishing pole.
IN his hands now. But the minds picture of him holding the pole in his butt is...well ...funny....and mentally disturbing.
And how do we really know if these are really these peoples boobs and butts?
I'm mean I could have as my profile picture a firm muscular butt. But when I do a video I'm always sittin' on it.
There should be a rule here on LV. If your going to show a body part as your profile picture then you are obligated to show it live whenever you make a video. Otherwise we may start thinking that said persons have plagerised someone elses butt or boobs.
I got to go before they dicovered I'm miss from my room.
AND WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MYY SPELL CHECK!!!! | | | | 47 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
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| | The Little Hammer | | | Saturday, April 12, 2008 (3:06 PM)
(I'm feeling mellow) | | So many people want something for nothing.
In 1962, I arrived in Miami,an unknown city in a foriegn land. I had to start from zero. At first I received $60 monthly, as government aid given to Cuban refugees. I was strong, 36 yrs. old and in good health. Everytime I cashed that check, I felt like a burden on the country that had taken me in. For many days I looked for a job and could not find one. Every night I went home and thought of the future. I was determined to do something so I could support my family. One day Raul Fernandez, a friend who worked in the Cuban Refugee office asked if I had any carpentry skills. I said I did.
He gave me a gift...a small hammer...which he asked me to put to good use. The hammer made me feel I had the necesssary tool to become self sufficiant and not depend on government hand outs. During the days I worked as a gardner. At night I did carpentry with my hammer. My dream was to save enough money to open a factory,to make great cigars,like the ones I used to smoke in Cuba. Through a lot of sacrafice and hard work I managed to save $600...money I made working with that hammer. With that, I made my dreams come true and opened Padron Cigars in 1964. More than 40 years later I still have that hammer as a reminder of how it all started.
- Jose Orlando Padron - | | | | 139 Views | 4 Thumbs Up | 2 Comments | |
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| | A Thought | | | Friday, April 11, 2008 (7:58 PM)
(I'm feeling calm) | | | I find myself wanting, here on Live video, to read peoples blogs more than make videos. | | | | 151 Views | 4 Thumbs Up | 3 Comments | |
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| | Why...Part 1 | | | Friday, April 11, 2008 (7:33 PM)
(I'm feeling grateful) | | Why are you where you're at?? What in your past has led you to this time in your life. The job you have...the significant other in your life...the town you live in...the very fact that your alive and reading this? Coincidence? The direction of a Higher Being?
I don't,personally, believe in coincidence.
I believe my life is being directed....when I relinquish control. Being directed by The Father,The Son and The Holy Spirit.
I SHOULD, BY ALL MEANS BE DEAD. Burnt to a crisp... a Post toastie.
A job I had to help me get off the coke and speed. I used those drugs mainly at night when bored, so I had to stay busy Got a job which kept me in electric sub stations. On the way to work, on a country road at two in the morning a white huge Mastiff came from among the almond trees into my path. I swearved but I heard him hit the passanger door. He was laying on his side...yelping in pain. I drove to the only farm house in the area to get him help, thinking his owner lived there. No answer...decided to take the dog back to town to a 24hr vet. The dog was gone. I looked for 5 minutes,couldn't find him. Well that delay of 20 minutes made the difference. Because at the sub station the fire dept. had just arrived...some one drove into a pole holding a transformer which fell and exploded exactly where I would park, finish my coffee and cigar before work.
I smoked a joint with my brother one weekend. Monday got called in for an interveiw with who would be my current employer. Went in, was accepted,just had to go in for a drug test. CRAP! I went in anyway and peed in the cup. Got a call 2days later...they lost my sample,please take the test again.Went in a few days later, took it again and it happened again. They lost it. Happened one more time before they sent me to another clinic, where I passed
This job led me to a woman that I SHOULD NOT have married but did. Her ex said he would take the kids from her.He was a security guard at the army post out by Susanville. He was an abusive husband and a VERY ABUSIVE father. I told him it won't happen and it didn't. MY SON didn't have to worry about mental abuse and being locked in a washroom for hours on end. AND MY DAUGHTER didn't have to worry about any more sexual abuse.Even though me and the mother are divorced,the kids call me their dad and they ARE my kids. The SOB of a biological father doesn't realize what great adults they've become.
And to top it off ...the lovely woman I am with now...I literally dreampt of her before we met. I went to bed one night...said my prayers and in that prayer I told the Good Lord I am happy with "no woman in my life."
The dream was of a red head in a turtleneck sweater. Four days later...
Obviously, He had other plans for me.
These are just a veryy few examples of "Devine intervention" in my life.
How about you? | | | | 194 Views | 4 Thumbs Up | 3 Comments | |
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| | Today 4/10....it's Saturday...Yahoo. | | | Thursday, April 10, 2008 (1:25 PM)
(I'm feeling amused) | | Okay...it may not be your Saturday,but it's mine...well Saturday part 1. Mondays are MY Monday/Tuesdays.
Tuesdays are MY WednesdayThursdays. Thus making Wednesdays MY Fridays.
Anyway that's alot to do with nothing. It's just that I got a few moments to myself thought I would drone on a bit here.
Wednesdays are my longest of the workdays. 16/17 hours long. And 5/6 hours are with absolutly nothing to do but sit around. Thus my mind starts wandering.
A bulk of the time was trying to figure how to finish the ..."call it a story'...blogs in 3 or less 'chapters'
I did a vid back in Jan. called "Things I know to be True" I have to add one more thing that I know to be true, and that is I can be an idiot! I did something I don't do hardly at all. That is raise my voice to a customer. Sweet lady and I should have taken it out on her employees not her. I can't do my job if they don't do theirs. Before I finished up I explained to her and apologized. We hugged before I left.
I also did a lot of "what if" and "why" self examinations. But that for another time.
NOTE TO JUDITH; Ah my dear woman. Your simple one word comment you left me in regards to my last vid, 'The Native Sons of New Jersey...Springsteen or Bon Jovi" left me in stiches......WHO???....
Instead of those two artist...what if you had to choose between....Johnny Mathis...and...Nat King Cole???
Enjoy this fine Saturday (Pt 1) all. | | | | 160 Views | 6 Thumbs Up | 3 Comments | |
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| | A PS to the Today blog | | | | Monday, April 7, 2008 (3:11 PM) | | | Ladies, if you use those Icie Hot patches you'll never have to pay for an expensive waxing again. YEOW!!! | | | | 121 Views | 2 Thumbs Up | 1 Comment | |
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