|
|
 |
|
| | Cracked Lemonade | | | Friday, July 11, 2008 (9:49 AM)
(I'm feeling awake) | | Who am I?
I am Cracked Lemonade
I'm that glass of lemonade that sits on the counter and nobody drinks.
As a result of this I become less favorable as time progesses.
Flies land in me and mold grows inside me.
I'm fucked up. There is no saving grace.
There is no person who says "This shit is vile!" pours me out and refreshes the glass with fresh lemonade.
I just sit there, waiting.
I am Cracked Lemonade
I have seen shit, I have been through shit that other glasses haven't.
I am poison, but at the same time I'm not poisonous to myself.
I'm just a glass that is waiting to be poured out.
Here's a good question: When will i be poured out?
I see no purpose in being a discoloted glass of lemonade sitting on the counter everyday.
Waiting for that one person to see into the glass and realize how disgusting I am inside so they can finally just pour me out.
I may be liquid but I feel.
I feel that I am no longer yellow or any color remotely close to what lemonade is supposed to be.
I feel the insects and other things swimming within my being.
I feel the mold growing and the glass breaking.
I feel EVERYTHING.
As I sit here, this glass of lemonade sees the other glasses surrounding him.
I see the lemonade actually made from lemons.
I see the lemonade made from concentrate and artificial sugars.
I also see that the other glasses can't tell the difference.
This Glass of lemonade also sees that as Cracked Lemonade he serves no purpose.
Even though Cracked Lemonade sees all the other flavors of lemonade around him, he cannot fully understand his own flavor,
Was he artificially sweetened or naturally flavored?
Before his flavor was tainted did he taste good?
Would his original flavor quench thirst?
As Cracked Lemonade I will never know.
So as Cracked Lemonade I sit in my glass waiting to be poured out
Happy one year anniversary to me!!!! | | | 73 Views | 0  Thumbs Up | 0 Comments |  |
|
|
| | What the Fuck? | | | | Friday, July 4, 2008 (12:42 AM) | | I'm officially an internet Junkie
www.myspace.com/crackedlemonade
http://www.myspace.com/crackedlemonadeproductions
www.livevideo.com/ilavakamehtnod
http://www.livevideo.com/crackedlemonadeproductions
http://www.youtube.com/user/crackedlemonade
http://s144.photobucket.com/albums/r161/Ilavakamehtnod/
I also have a facebook but u fuckers aren't getting it. too many stalkers on here. If u find me on facebook I'm not adding u either | | | | 81 Views | 4 Thumbs Up | 2 Comments | |
|
|
| | The only reason I'd want internet fame | | | | Saturday, June 21, 2008 (11:02 PM) | | You know what be awesome? If Michael Jackson found my LV page and watched my vids and realized how awesome I think he is and contacted me and chellenged me to a dance contest. But that'd never happen. if only I were like a super big internet phenomenon and I got MJ's attention :(
That's the only reason I'd want internet fame | | | | 90 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
|
|
| | Here's an Update on me | | | | Wednesday, May 21, 2008 (9:14 PM) | | So basically I havent't filmed a video since last week and I have works in progress that haven't gotten completed. So here's basically what I have been up to since I've been home. I got GTA 4 last week and I've been playing that alot and today I picked up DDR for some good working out when I don't have the oppurtunity to. I'm a procrastinator. So if I don't work out when I want to I never get around to it. So I got DDR so I don't have a real excuse for laziness.
On the art front I haven't had much inspiration to do stuff. I'm trying to get out of that. Also I am working on establising a website for my art work and all business transactions involving artwork such as designs and all that. Also I am in the process of drafting an art contract for all deals to make them official and eventually get business cards together. But I've been LAZY. I haven't gotten started on any of that. I should be looking for a job as well.
Right now, I'm listening to techno and watching dragon ball z in order to get some inspiration for a project I am working on. I was talking to a friend of mine from high school and he told me that he's working on creating a video game. So being whatever it is I am, I asked him if he needed any conceptual art work done and he was like yea. We can work out the business details and all that so I was like cool. So right now I gotta get back on the drawing horse.
Oh yea I'm still waiting to purchase a tripod for my cameras so I can make more films. I don't know about Green Screening right now. I'm gonna take things as they come.
Well that's it. Until later | | | | 109 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
|
|
| | Memoirs of the mentally ill | | | Tuesday, May 20, 2008 (10:50 PM)
(I'm feeling blank) | | As I sit here staring down at my hands, I see scars. Scars that bring up memories. Memories of my life and everything that has occured up until this point of my life. It is this that reminds me of the folly og the human condition and the biggest mental issue of mine. This issue is memory. Everyday I get up and i have memory, and everyday I wake up wishing I didn't have memory. It is this thought that makes me realize that if i were to wake up without memory I would yearn to have it again. Which is the folly of the human condition.
Now for the first 15 years of my life I lived with my past and the fucked up childhood i had. But Even though I lived with these memories and fucked up thoughts I was dealing with them the wrong way, or maybe it was the right way, I don't know anymore. At that point even though I could deal, I wasn't living right and when u don't live right, life bitch smacks some sense into you and tries to guide u on the right track. Now, getting back on the right track has it's positive and negative effects. Sadly enough for myself the negative outweighs the positive. I am talking internally of course. Now I started down the wrong road at the age of 13, I continued down it until 16 and at that point I had to backtrack out of where I was to go upon a new, better track. Meaning I had to deal with shit never previously dealt with in order to deal with new shit. Now I recieved therapy for 6 months dealing with shit about my past and honestly it didn't do shit but have a resonating effect on not only the memories I discussed there but as well as the memories I never mentioned.
Nothing that i have in myself today in myself, such as self worth and ambition, was acheived through the reminiscing of the past. These things were gained through the other struggles of life mainly the six months of living in a rehabilitation facility. It was basically a smack in the face from reality telling me to get my shit together right away. So I did, I changed who i was, but I was left witha mental illness and my past. Being mentally ill with an illness like depression and not being "sick" enough for meds or any kind of therapy left me to deal with life in my own way. Why am I writing this you might ask. I need this form of catharsis to relieve some of the thoughts in my head so my illness doesn't claim me soon. | | | | 106 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
|
|
| | Fuck it. | | | Saturday, April 19, 2008 (9:42 PM)
(I'm feeling Unappreciated) | | This is gonna be a rant blog because right now I'm really just sick and tired of shit as it is. It's just like no matter what the fuck I do my life is always ultimately a pile of shit and I always get treated like a fuckin piece of shit. Over the past year I have been busting my ass and going above and beyond what the fuck I have to do all the fuckin time and I'm not a person who does shit for recognition and I don't go about telling people oh I did this or I did this for like "cool points" or whatever. I do shit for me and to better myself, to get shit done right. At the same time I also have an extremely laid back demeanor when I'm not doing shit, which somehow gives people the impression I am lazy. Those two things are not a perfect combination. I mean in school I bust my ass. 5 days a week I'm in the art studio doing this or that, just working on art, and on top of that I don't falter in my other classes and in a usual day I'm in the studio until about 11 o clock just doing art work, then I stay up and do assignments for other classes, check my emails and do other things and that usually keeps me up until about 2 in the morning. I go to sleep waking up at about 7 or 8 depending on the day and do that shit over. after classes I don't nap or anything like that I try my hardest to get my work done and done right. I was on the Dean's list last semester for getting a 3.77 GPA and it would have been a 4.0 if I didn't get a B in one class. but that's a different story.
On top of that I am a part of my school's Fine art Honor society so we do events on the side, we have meetings and plan shit, go places, and we do alot of shit. This semester I have been to Maryland and Harrisburg and Monday I'm going to New York to deliver a totem pole to the United Nations. So why did I tell u all what the fuck I've been doing this past semester, keeping myself busy? Because no matter how much shit I do and I don't want any praises for my work, I do it for myself, not for praises, but the fact is I get treated as if I'm a lazy fuck that doesn't do shit. Not only by the people around me, but by my family. It's fuckin amazing how many of my friends are like "how come u don't go to this party?" and "why don't u hang out with us anymore?" and other shit I don't give a fuck about. I mean I keep myself busy, I'm on a scholarship that's paying for all my shit right now and I'd rather not bullshit around and drink and party anymore. I did that shit at an earlier point in my life and I almost fucked myself over big time because of it. My friends also think I sit around and play video games all fuckin day. I mean i have a PS3 and I barely even play that shit on the weekends because I usually do all my laundry, ironing and cleaning for the week on the weekend. I mean i do sit down every once in awhile and play it and i recently got a PSP so that helps me chill and play games even more, but I mean I really don't get a chance to play my expensive ass PS3 like that.
Along with my friends I have my fellow artists (that's how I'll phrase it) coming at me when we're doing shit, like setting our week on campus up. it was a bust but I played my part all week and these people coming up to me askin me to do all this extra shit, most of which I did but then they make a big fuckin issue when I say no to shit. It's really fucked up. Also nobody's around when shit needs to be set up or taken down so I'm usually the one who is around to do shit by myself. today this happened to me twice, I mean I wasn't alone but I had assistance by people who really shouldn't have had to help me. I know for a fact that the people that didn't help are gonna have more bitching to do come next week.
Now it comes to the family part of this. I'm not gonna get to personal because I usually am a private person. But over the course of this year, I have been told to change my major many times, lectured at, and lectured at time and time again. All the shit I do, doesn't mean shit. I'm called lazy and I'm being told that I need a job right now when I really fuckin don't, I need a break. But this person doesn't wanna hear my shit and doesn't think that I will make it doing what I am. This person is trying to force me to work at this place that will not be beneficial for me in the future and I keep trying to tell this person to stop trying to control my life but the shit doesn't fucking work. This person tries to instill in my head that life is about the paper chase and I know that it is quite the opposite and if puch came to shove I could make money without having a job or doing anything illegal. I know how to make money and I am quite skilled in landscaping, brick laying, cement mixing and a little roofing. So I have no problems right now. I am fully capable and I don't need help and I'm not a lazy bum, I work my ass off but I don't brag about shit and I'm not in it for recognition at this point in my life. I am enjoying the liberties I have and the options I have at this point in my life. This Blog was the best form of catharsis right now because I feel alot better, getting this shit off my chest even if u fucks don't read it (I'm sorry ur not fucks) but my mind is at ease and I think I will sleep now. | | | | 128 Views | 10 Thumbs Up | 6 Comments | |
|
|
| | Mighty Morphin Power Rangers | | | Friday, April 11, 2008 (9:20 PM)
(I'm feeling nostalgic) | | Now mostly everyone in my age range remembers Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, and everyone i talk to remembers how amazing it was and how much crap it is now. I agree with them fully but I beleve that all of television is crap today. I do have to hand it to the guy who brought Power Rangers over here, he was a genius. For those of you who do not know "Power Rangers" was brought over here from Japan by an man named Haim Saban. Power Rangers originated from a show in Japan titled Super Sentai which is a show that was popular in Japan sine the 1970's. Each season of the show had a different title, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was from a season title Zyuranger. Haim Saban thought it would be good to see if a show that was popular in Japan could be made popular here, when u splice in japanese footage from the show and add American actors and voice overs. It was a risky move and the show was quite badly put together because the people really couldn't act, but of course it doesn't take away from the Amazingness of the show. The show was very low budget at the beginning until it started gaining popularity and noteriety. Mighty Morphin was the longest running Power rangers show Saban found it fit to change the zords as they ran out of footage from the season Zyuranger and then use the zord footage and create storylines about changing zords. it worked perfectly. But after 3 seasons of Mighty Morphin, Haim Saban decided to bring over the other seasons and use the footage from that season in Japan. Usually "Power Rangers" seasons are made a year after a season of Super Sentai is made so they can develop a storyline for the show. After running the show for so many years, Saban sold the rights to the Power Rangers franchise to Disney. Disney started making Power Rangers episodes beginning with the season off Power Rangers Ninja Storm and the show began being filmed in New Zealand.
Where am I going with this? I just decided to give background info for people who did not know the history of the show. I also would like to give my opinion on the franchise here.I believe that haim Saban was a genius and a great business man. Bringing the Power Rangers to the world was an excellent business move on his part, and getting rid of Power Rangers when he did was a great move too. Right before it became absolutely terrible and cashing out. That's all i have to say right now. kind of pre occupied and trying to multitask at the moment. until next time. | | | | 130 Views | 3 Thumbs Up | 2 Comments | |
|
|
| | Where I wanna be version 2.5 | | | Wednesday, April 2, 2008 (11:00 PM)
(I'm feeling blank) | | It's amazing how the masterful workings and intertwinings of life can make you change you state of mind in a span of two days. This is titled where I wanna be version 2.5 because this is a combination of previous thoughts that i was going to write about on two seperate occasions and I realized just now that they are extremely related. So I decided to write about this.
I am the type of person that will easily help a friend or someone in need whether it be emotionally or otherwise. On the other hand I am extremely hesitant when asking others for help. That is because as much as I talk to people I am a secretive person, and people only know what I want them to know. I don't reveal secrets, which makes me a trusting person and I usually don't discuss any one's business with anyone else which is maybe why people come to me at times.
Right now I don't know how this is gonna tie in with my other blog idea, but it will dammit. Ok so back to this( BTW I like writing using stream of consciousness because it's the most effective way to get words out,) Back on point
Previously i was going to write about how right now i am not looking for a job, nor am I looking to take summer courses. This is primarily because I am a free spirit and I enjoy having freedom and right now is the time where I do not need to be tied down to a job. i am not in a dire need of money. I have enough. I mean I am the type of person to be ready to do shit at a moment's notice, unless I'm commited to something else and I enjoy that. I hate planning ahead because it just annoys me and it limits ur options. I am happy with where I am right now and the freedom I have at the moment. I noticed that people my age or older looking for a job, buying shit they don't need and doing all kinds of other shit lack the peace of mind that I have and the knowledge of self I acquired through my life experience. Not to sound like an asshole but being that I can usually see right through people and know what kind of person they are without saying a word to them, I have yet to find another person who is at peace with themselves. (ok I changed my wording midway through so the beginning of the sentence doesn't make sense) But anyway I really believe that at the point I am at in my life is where you need to do your soul searching and discover who you really are and not struggle with your own identity the rest of your life. Some people may see me as negative sometimes, but I am at a point where I break down my thoughts logically and I break down things that I should or shouldn't do to a logical sense. I'm limiting the bullshit in my life right now. The point of this being I am happy with my life right now. I do not wish to be older, i do not wish to be working, I am happy with my position in my life right now. I know who I am, i know what I want to do with myself right now, I know how to make money if I need to, I know stuff about myself that many people i know don't know about theirselves and I know that putting tons of unecessary bullshit in your life is not going to push ur problems away.
Now here comes the counter of sorts of what I just said. Right now I'm overburdened, and everything's piling up for the time being. Usually I would just perservere through without saying a word, but I think I found my limit. Right now I'm working on shit for school, papers, art projects, extra curricular stuff and what not. As time progresses it gets more fucking hectic. Much toward the way I am is that I try to help, but it's to the point where people are volunteering me for shit and expecting me to do it and I'm just about to go out of character and say fuck you go die burn in hell ect. FUCK COMMAS. just sayin. But anyway right now I just need to get the fact that I'm working hard and for the next two or three weeks I'ma be busting my ass. i wish there was a fast forward button. I need to get through this shit. I say this is a counter of sorts because I was just thinking of how great my position of life is right now, but on the other hand I want to fast forward time. Life's a bitch aint it? | | | | 96 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
|
|
| | Leaving live video | | | Monday, March 31, 2008 (10:10 PM)
(I'm feeling blank) | | Let me preface this by saying. I am not leaving Live Video nor do i have plans of leaving anytime soon. This blog is more in the direction of my others with stating observations and adding my personal opinion. By now whoever reads my blog is probablly thinking "will he ever shut up?" The answer is probably not. Back to this blog. It has been my *loss for a word* luck for lack of a better one to see people who say they will leave Live Video for the sake of attention or what have u. Also people who say they will close down their accounts in videos and video responses saying if u close I close too. I have no personal opinion about that. Let me just say this, if u say you are going to leave the site LEAVE THE SITE, don't come back under a different user name like 50 million times. that's so lame.
With that said let me discuss the issue of certain people leaving the site. I think it's a terrible thing to see people go who you may converse with on a daily basis or collab with or what have you. But I hae to say that's life. People come, meet other people and possibly move on to never speak to or hear from the person never again. Not to be like gloomy or anything, but it's the truth. While if you have a friend on here in which you converse with and it's cosidered a friendship and this person has to move on from Live Video maybe you guys will still be in contact in other ways. Shit!!! I had a point to this blog but I think I lost it. stream of consciousness is a bitch.......................
................................... Oh! umm. back to the point. It's not likely that people will be on this site forever and be friends with people forever. Some people view this as an online thing, and completely impersonal and others view this e friendship as a beautiful thing and they are hopeful that it will last longer than anyone is on this site. If not it's time to move on, people come and go out of ur life to affect you whether it be positively or negatively don't think of it as losing a friend, think of it as a time to move on and u got all u could out of that specific friend. Just my thoughts | | | | 115 Views | 8 Thumbs Up | 4 Comments | |
|
|
| | Justice | | | Thursday, March 27, 2008 (9:28 PM)
(I'm feeling blank) | | As I sit here trying to do my English work, the thought appears in my mind that there is no justice in the world and never has been. As of this moment I don't even know the definition of justice, but the living definiton of justice which I observed through life is punishment for things that you do wrong like a crime or something like that. I mean justice is basically a consequence for whatever is good or bad. IDK i'm not saying that I do. I honestly don't know the defintion of Justice.
But here's the thing, even though I don't know the definition of justice, I know for a fact that justice has never existed. Why is that you may ask? Because justice is something that's supposed to be fair for all or whatever.... something like that. Equal punishment for crimes stuff like that. That's where we go wrong. Punishment. Because punishments are never just. Punishments resulted from human emotion and they evolved over the years to different forms and variations. Punishments such as be heading, imprisonment, labor as a result of debt, none of these are just punishments. I mean they may seem as such from a personal perspective, but from an impersonal un-biased perspective they are not no matter what the crime is. Including murder. I mean don't get me wrong here I am not condoning murder or any crimes. I am just saying the punishments never have and never will match the crime. It's just strange to me the fact that we will put people in jail, kill them, or what have u as a result of them killing or doing whatever. Is it just to take away someone's life be it though jail time or death because they did something? It's not for us to decide. We are all equal and we cannot say that one person deserves to live or die, even if that person has killed another person. I'm not saying that thes people should be able to do whatever they please, I am just saying that justice is not being served as a result of crimes. The fact is that we cannot justify or explain the actions of others ourselves and it's no where in the human capability to be able to read minds and know exactly what was going on with a person at the time. We are reactionary beings and even though justice is supposed to be blind, it has eyes, and not only does it have eyes it has everythign else a human being has and probably more. Justice is a concept in which we cannot honestly grasp but we can lie to ourselves and say that it has been served even though it never has.
I think for the better part of this blog I have been explaining and I haven't been getting specific. Here's an example of what I am talking about: someone kills a family member of yours, a young family member.Is it the "just" thing for them to recieve some kind of punishment for their crimes? Maybe. Can we decide what kind of punishment best fits their crime? No. I mean the death penalty "Justice" is served, the killer's dead. But what does that do for you? does that make you happy that another person is dead along with ur family member? Are u happy that the person is feeling the pain ur sibling felt? What next? Your family member isn't coming back and another person is dead. As human beings we cannot decide who can live and who can die. It is not in our capacity to know when or how people should die. The same principle applies for prison. We practically take away another person's life because of something that happened. Ask the same questions. The truth is it is not in our capacity to be just and justice is just a pipe dream. | | | | 136 Views | 0 Thumbs Up | 0 Comments | |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
