I felt it when the sun came up this morning.
I have a lonely heart today.
Peaceful but lonely is how I feel.
Alone.
The thought of being alone scares me sometimes.
Then other times I'm fine with it.
I can be alone in a crowd peeps....Ever feel like that??
At least I will always have my kitty.
And I always have you peeps too.....
I feel you people out there.
Thanks for all the kindness you all show me.

And I'm not in pain!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!

I'll be going to the pain doctor today.
Not much to tell him except the meds I take are working.

My life seems to be getting better thank God.
I really mean thank God.
I pray every night for guidance so I don't keep screwing up.
I'm a big screw up.
A stupid girl.
But I'm trying peeps....
Trying very hard to be better.

That's all I have today.
Love,
Candy

Music from another room.
There's something about it.
Makes me want to listen closer.
To make more effort to hear the notes....
The feeling of the music is clearer than the words......
Because of their distance.

Internet relationships can be similar.
We listen to eachother closely.
Try to understand eachother from a distance......
Better to try to convey feelings rather than words.....
Because of the distance.....

Just some of my silly Sunday thoughts.

Hope your day is as enchanting as sweet music from another room......

Love,
Candy XO

It's one of those dark rainy days where you have to have a light on to read.......
It's coming down in sheets.....
Hasn't rained this hard in quite a while.

My cat Nestle' is nestled in my lap as I type.......
She's singing and purring......
Woopsie.....she stopped.....she must be asleep.

Happy Saturday to all of you.

Love,
Candy

*Crying*
Yeah, that's right..........crying.
Can't help it.
I hurt.
It can't stop soon enough.

First let me say that I've been delightfully pain free for the last few days.
I have felt more than a few moments of joy.
I've danced.
Not just in my heart.
I've dance with my body and soul......
I 've felt so good that I have omitted 2 of my pain meds both yesterday and today.

I thought I'd come so far......

Now I'm paying for it.
I draw the curtains closed.
In the dark again.
No comfort for my stupidity.
Only nerve breaking pain.
When will I ever learn.

Swallow more pills Candy.
Stop the tears.
On your knees.
Pray though the pain.
It's all there is right now.

I'm so weary of this.
But I'll never give up.

I know your're out there.
Love you peeps,
Candy

It's raining hard outside.
Thunder has scared my cat Nestle'.....
She's cuddled on my legs.
With every thunder clap, I must stroke her soft fur to reassure her......
Then speak to her softly.
She reminds me of myself.....
I wish.........Forget that....
Wishes don't come true.....

A cold winter rain.....
Looked like spring for awhile.....
I treasure these few remaining cool days....

Soon the brutal Texas summer will begin.....
Searing and painful.....The sun is so hot here......

Sigh....
This seems to be where I vent my sadness and uncertainties.
Can't seem to do that on camera too often...

I'm starting the HGH injections Monday.....
I'm so afraid to hope......
Been disappointed more times than not.....
Guess time will tell.
Time will tell about alot of things.....about everything really.

That's where my thoughts drift to tonight......
Love,
Candy XO

Went back to the doctor last friday.
Got my bloodwork back and it was better than I thought it would be.

My doc said I was looking great....
Told me several times he could see a big difference in me compared  to last week.

He said he considers the kind of pain I was in to be torture.....
Constant torture.....
He could see I was released from  the pain...

He also switched me to insulin pens.
A fast acting insulin pen - Novolog
A new long range backgound insulin pen - Levemir.


These pens are different than syringes....
Takes a different injection technique....
I've been learning it.....
They are much more convenient using syringes....

If you have been reading my blogs, you know I'm a severe needle phobe....
A few years ago I couldn't even LOOK at an insulin pen.
Proud of myself .....
Maybe someday I'll be ready to use a pump.....

My new pain medicine isn't quite the miracle I thought it was though.....
It wears off sooner than I wish....even though I take it 3x a day.
When it wears off I have a hard time walking and my body hurts.....

Still it has changed my life.....
I'm thankful for any relief.

If I control my blood sugars....
All this pain from my neuropathies....
Well it might recede or even go away....
That's what I'm praying for......

Hope your Sunday is peaceful and when night falls you are happy.

Love,
Candy